mlb Page 553 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
MLB Closer: The Girl with the Strong Arm
Neal Cotts loves The Dead Milkmen. Or so we assume. After all, he's a rural boy from a small town born between 27 years and 36 years ago. Also, he gave up a grand slam to Willie F. Harris in the fifth inning at Wrigley Field yesterday afternoon, tossing Jason Marquis under the El and leaving the Was...
Get Ready To Panic, ESPN; Yankees And Red Sox May Both Miss Playoffs
The year was 1993. Bill Clinton ascends to the White House. The Bills lose their third consecutive Super Bowl. "Whoomp! (There It Is)" by Tag Team is America's No. 1 song. And in a strike-shortened season, both the Yankees and Red Sox fail to make the playoffs. That's the last time that's happened, ...
Jimmy Rollins: 'In Philly, Can't Be No Punk'
Jimmy Rollins' love affair with the city of Philadelphia continues. Last week he called out Phils fans on Best Damn Sports Show Period, decrying their notorious negativity and calling them "front-runners." That caused a Philadelphia blogger to organize an Internet campaign to try and get fans to che...
Mike Timlin Will Take Care Of Your Ballpark Rat Problem
As long as Red Sox pitcher Mike Timlin is alive, Heidi Watney will never go hungry. Hope you enjoy squirrel, Heidi. You mean to say that hawk was a lovable team mascot? Sorry, my bad. Now, watch me shoot an apple off of a teammate's head. Damn it, hold still Youkilis! From Timlin's bio: ...
B.J. Upton Has No Time To Run Out Doubles
One has to wonder why the Rays didn't pull the trigger and sign Barry Bonds long ago; he would have fit in quite well. They could give him the locker right next to B.J. Upton, and together they could form the Home Run or Nothing Club. Hmm. Are storm clouds gathering above the Rays' quest of an AL Ea...
It's Cheer Day In Philadelphia! (This Will Not End Well)
Ah Philadelphia, Land of 10,000 Losses; where they throw batteries at J.D. Drew and boo Santa Claus. Derision falls like rain here, and everyone gets soaked; especially the Phillies, who are in danger of slip slidin' away in the NL East. The reason? According to Jimmy Rollins, it's fan negativity. H...
The Manny Wigs Are Here; Get 'Em While They Last
Now available at the Dodgers Pro Shop, finally; Manny Ramirez dreadlock wigs. The Dodgers were quite crafty with the release of this item; they're here just in time for back-to-school shopping. Backpack? Check. Binder? Check. Manny wig? Si! If the team wants to have any hope of outbidding the Yankee...
This Could Be It For Tom Glavine
Tom Glavine is out for the season. Dude tore up some ligaments in his elbow and says he won't come back if he has to get that ligament completely replaced. The 42-year-old went back to the Braves, turning down more money from the Mets to play where he had kept his offseason home. But he hasn't play...
Daryle Ward Will Eat Your Children In Broad Daylight
The Chicago Cubs have just won their ninth straight game. In related news, Hell has frozen over, pigs are flying, gas is now 75 cents a gallon, and Andy Dick just had sex with a girl. This wild chain reaction began when Ward, in the midst of an 0-for-13 slump, hit a three-run homer in the ninth to p...
The Dread Lock Decision: Manny Complies With Haircut Edict; Barely
Manny Ramirez finally got a haircut on Thursday — as you can see he's practically bald — and the results were predictable. Apparently he angered Jobu, going 0-for-3 against the Phillies. But thanks to the mojo of the Joe Beimel bobblehead, the Dodgers still won, 3-1, to sweep the four-game series an...
You Will Never Think Of The Drew Brothers The Same Way Again
I've heard of Star Trek slash fiction, and Starsky & Hutch ... even Harry Potter. But baseball's Drew brothers? Why, Jesus? No, I don't have all the answers. But I would like to point out that the author at Live Journal is not twisted and sick, as one might expect. He's just a misunderstood artist t...
Kelly Clarkson, Drunk At A Red Sox Game Once Again
Here's a backward-hatted Kelly Clarkson and friends doing what true Red Sox fans do best: consuming beer and singing Sweet Caroline at Fenway. (Should it concern us that she's off key?). Hey, just be glad it isn't Ben Affleck and Jimmy Fallon. Red Sox Monster, which seems to be a bit overly fasci...
Behold The Power Of The Joe Beimel Bobblehead
Dodger fans were mocked relentlessly earlier this season when they voted to have a Joe Beimel Bobblehead Night; passing over players such as Matt Kemp, Chad Billingsley, James Loney and even Andruw Jones, who do not yet have a bobble likeness. But clearly they knew what they were doing: the force is...
Epic Squander: Red Sox, Rangers Entertain The Masses
I propose uninstalling this scoreboard now and preserving it in a museum. People of the future are going to want to study it, and it has to be the real thing; no one is going to believe the photos. Future kid: "Dad, how did this one team almost blow a 10-run, first inning lead?" Future Dad: "It's th...
Manny Ramirez Fails To Notice That In The National League, Games Are Nine Innings
First of all, this is not the Manny Meltdown that we've all been expecting. Repeat: Meltdown still pending. But it's comical nonetheless. Manny Ramirez, playing in the outfield for the Dodgers vs. the Phillies on Monday, suddenly disappeared between the eighth and ninth innings. No one noticed until...
Who Killed The Cincinnati Reds?
Despite assurances from CEO Bob Castellini that he is not rebuilding the team from scratch, it can't be denied that the Cincinnati Reds are very, very sick. Almost dead, as Miracle Max would say. It all began, in my opinion, when their jovial mascot, Mr. Redlegs, lost his head in a tragic ballpark A...
Let Leo Pitch! Cubs Tempt Fate By Dissing Their Oldest Fan
Leo Hildebrand wants to throw out the first pitch at a Chicago Cubs game. And since the 104-year-old is one of the few living things old enough to have actually seen the Cubs win a World Series (the bristlecone pine and certain species of desert tortoise are the others), one would think that the tea...
Did The White Sox Just Win The Central?
So the White Sox lost Jose Contreras for the season on Saturday in a loss to Boston, falling out of first in the Central. That made Sunday's contest somewhat more than your run-of-the-mill game. And Chicago's 6-5, come-from-behind win over the Red Sox just may have put them back into first place for...
Contreras Injury a Blow To Chicago
It was the Sox Bowl Part II as the Red ones took on the White ones. And you know what happens when you put Red Sox in the mix with White Sox (besides all your shit turning pink). You get some pretty good baseball. Big Papi busted his slump with a three-rub double off the wall in Boston's 6-2 win ove...
Jim Edmonds Jogs La Russa's Memory
Cubs outfielder Jim Edmonds has gotten past the drama of being traded from the Cardinals in the offseason. Or maybe not. After refusing to discuss his former manager, Tony La Russa, with the media, Edmonds proceeded to go two for four, both hits going yard in a 3-2 win over his ex-team. The game str...