mlb Page 559 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Strap In, Folks: The MLB First-Year Player Draft Is Today!
We love baseball more than just about anything else on earth, so we appreciate them trying, but sorry, MLB: We just can't get excited about the MLB First-Year Player Draft today. (It starts at 2 p.m. ET, so set your Tivos to "stun.")...
Call The Kids, It's Another Profanity-Laced Tirade!
Ah, to return to the halcyon days of March 31, when the Mariners were 1-0 and all was right with the world. But today they're 18 games below .500, having lost four straight and 12 of their past 15. The latest, a 4-3 5-4 loss to the Angels, prompted manager John McLaren to spew some choice profanitie...
The Joy And Despair Of Two New York Pitching Debuts
So as we check in this morning on the great city and state of New York, we see much wailing and gnashing of teeth over the daring Joba-Chamberlain-as-a-starter experiment (he flew too close to the sun on mashed potato wings), and great rejoicing over the return of Pedro Martinez. Joba lasted just 2...
Chase Utley Is The Most Interesting Man In The World
Chase Utley is lighter than air, can charm the birds out of the trees and never forgets your birthday. His blood smells like cologne. He also makes diving, backhanded catches, has hit 21 home runs, will run into the catcher full tilt and is not opposed to bunting his way on base. On Monday, his hero...
Cubs Sail Blindly Into Uncharted Waters
So Chicagoans awoke this morning, poked themselves with sharp objects and discovered that, no, they weren't dreaming. As the sun came up on the month of June, Cubs fans found themselves with the best record in baseball; the first time that has happened so late in the season since Heinie Zimmerman a...
Jim Edmonds Is Useful!
Well, at least for a day. The recent Padres castoff, coming in batting an Andruw Jones-esque .167, went 3-for-4 with a homer as the Cubs charged back from an 8-0 deficit to overcome the Rockies 10-9. The Cubbies went deep four times, including back-to-backage from Fukudome and Edmonds, to stay a gam...
Larry Wayne Jones Jr. And The Chase For .400
The controversy continues to rage: Should a grown man answer to the name of Chipper? My vote is no, unless you appeared in a '60s sitcom starring Fred MacMurray, or are hitting over .400 in the major leagues. Here's to Chipper Jones of the Atlanta Braves, who is hitting .420 as of Thursday night aft...
The (Bleep) Pot Is Boiling Over In Kansas City. (Bleep)
Speaking just for myself, I think it's refreshing that we have a profanity-laced, post-game tirade by someone named Guillen whose first name is not Ozzie. Meet José Guillen, the Royals outfielder who lit into teammates on Wednesday following their 9-8, 10-inning loss to the Twins, which ran Kansas C...
Carlos Guillen Would Like To Borrow Your Cooling Ointment And A Large Cushion
Anyone who's ever had the misfortune of being stricken with a dreaded hemorrhoid flare-up can attest to how painful it is. When it first appears, the general swamp ass-y, hiney spider feeling reaches about a "5" on the uncomforability scale. But the longer it lingers, it quickly shoots up to about a...
Oye Como Va! Twice The Santana Means Twice The Fun
Please do not confuse Johan Alexander Santana Araque, pitcher for the Mets, with Ervin Ramon Santana, pitcher for the Angels. One is from Venezuela (chief exports: Petroleum, bauxite and aluminum) and one is from the Dominican Republic (predominant religion: Roman Catholicism). Unfortunately, we ar...
Willie Randolph Still Employed, But Watch This Space For Further Developments
New Yorkers keen on saving the environment can dig up all of that old Fire Isiah signage, and with a few quick edits, can make fun, functional Fire Willie signs. It's the least you can do to help save the planet. Only moments after top brass announced that he will not be fired (at least not this min...
Beckett And Boston Get ________ed
Justin Duchscherer was joking around before his start against the Boston Red Sox: ''I said, 'Those guys don't want none of me today 'cuz I'm going to pull a Lester on 'em,'' Duchscherer recalled with a grin. ''In the sixth inning, I was thinking, 'Did I really say that before the game?' '' Yes, Just...
Watching Willie Randolph's End Of Days
The speculation surrounding Mets' manager Willie Randolph's chances of survival once he returns back to the not-so-cozy confines of Shea has reached an all-time high. You can't read anything about the Mets embattled manager without a forboding headline attached to it and the Mets' brass has been ret...
Broom With A View
Their logo is politically incorrect, their manager is a noted wife puncher and their broadcasters are notorious homers, and I mean all of that in the nicest possible way. But today there is no denying the unstoppable force that is the Atlanta Braves, who completed a four-game sweep of the New York ...
Beware The Handrails Of Death
It appears there is no more a dangerous threat at the ballpark than staircases or escalators. If 2001 was famously called the "Summer Of The Shark," after numerous Floridians smelling like chum or dressed in seal costumes were chomped, this 2008's TV news fear bait might be "Spring Of The Handrail."...
Marlins Break Brandon Webb's Evil Spell
Somewhere in a third-world country, a child is wearing a Brandon Webb 10-0 t-shirt. It looks rather spiffy with his Patriots 19-0 Super Bowl hat, and his New Orleans Hornets foam No. 1 finger. To beat the most unbeatable of pitchers on Wednesday, Marlins manager Fredi Gonzalez called for the most de...
MLB.tv Now Selling You More Stuff
MLB.tv, for which we pay $110 annually, introduced a new feature on its games yesterday: House ads for MLB.tv, played in-between innings, imploring fans to "keep watching." Well, OK, we'll keep watching, as long as you promise the games are coming back on. They are, right? OK, cool: The watching sha...
Dazed And Confused
Oh, the carnage (covers eyes). Well that's it, there are no more indignities left. Following Tuesday's games, New York has seen them all. The Mets dropped a doubleheader to the Braves, featuring Ryan Church's attempt to break up a double play at second (Fail). Meanwhile, the Yankees lost to the Orio...
Jon Lester Is Unbreakable
From Victor Conte and Barry Bonds to Brian McNamee and Roger Clemens, baseball has given us every reason in the world lately to be cynical, and yet we are not. The reason for that became evident once again on Monday night in Boston, when Jon Lester — who had beaten cancer just over a year ago — thre...
Mets Live Again After Feeding On Yankees' Corpse
Those who live there would know better than I, but doesn't there seem to be a weighty, menacing cloud hovering over the Yankees these days? That's your last-place New York Yankees, who lost to the Metropolitans, 11-2, on Sunday to complete a two-game sweep. Is Oliver Perez supposed to be beating Chi...