mlb Page 561 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Breaking: Pirates Bobblehead May Be Giving Us The Finger
The Pirates and Mets were rained out on Monday, giving Pittsburgh fans a little extra time to pull their Tom Gorzelanny bobblehead dolls out of their boxes and examine them closely for the first time. Fans received the bobble on Saturday as the Pirates took on the Phillies at PNC Park. Examining the...
So Let Me Introduce To You, The One And Only Jimmy Shields ...
There's no way to sugarcoat this so I'm just going to say it: We live in a world where the Rays and the Marlins are both in first place. It's a world where James Shields outpitches Josh Beckett, where Sweet Caroline is played at Tropicana Field, and where Manny Ramirez is stealing bases. Me no like ...
Kerwin Danley Takes His Umply Lumps
Home plate umpire and crew chief Kerwin Danley took a 96 mph Brad Penny fastball to the jaw in the 4th inning of the Dodgers 11-3 win over the Rockies last night. The game was delayed 18 minutes and Danley had to be taken off the field in an ambulance. A Dodgers spokesman said Danley lost consciousn...
Teddy Wins His First Presidents Race!
Only to get disqualified by Screech, the world's most useless mascot, for cutting a corner of the warning track. He was just following Cartman's advice! That's okay, because I found Frank Robinson sitting with me in the bleeds down the right field line. As for the game, the Nats jumped to a lead wi...
Joba Chamberlain Makes Clumsy Pass At Erin Andrews, Becomes Mortal (WITH UPDATE)
Actually I have no idea what the Yankees' Joba Chamberlain said to Erin Andrews at the conclusion of their interview on Wednesday, but whatever it was, Andrews was obviously repulsed. You can check out the video here and judge for yourself. Man, it looks like she just ate a bug. So then can it just ...
Cubs Celebrate Interesting But Ultimately Meaningless Round Number Of Franchise Victories
The Chicago Cubs played their first National League game on on April 25, 1876, less than two months before Custer met his fate at the Little Big Horn. In the former, Albert Spalding threw the first shutout in National League history, 4-0 over the Louisville Grays. In the latter, Crazy Horse earned t...
Barry Zito Rules The Kingdom Of Fail
Barry Zito and the Giants; has there been a worse investment, ever? That SUV you bought in 2006, perhaps? The first 12 episodes of John From Cincinnati? You've got to hand it to him though; even after struggling through his suckiest performance of the season on Tuesday, he faced reporters afterward...
Cubs Are Officially Jinxed ... Nothing More To See Here. Please Move Along
The Chicago Cubs are flying high right now; having won 12 of their past 15 following a 7-1 win over the Mets on Monday. Chicago is 13-6, off to its best start since 1985. But obviously some of their players do not understand the cruel workings of fate as it relates to this team. We're talking about ...
I Want You To Hurt Like I Do
I love it when a team says that they have released a player "by mutual agreement." That usually means that the team says: "We're not going to start you anytime in the near future, and if you don't like it, then $#%! you." And the player responds: "&%$! me? No, &%$! you!" Various doors are then slamm...
Getting Shut Out? It's The Latest Fad
Pick up a Tamagotchi and drink your Surge! Join in what everyone else is doing. C'mon, it's fun to lose a little bit of your individuality when, in return, you get a false sense of having a wealth of friends with one shared interest! What did you download from Napster last night? Me, I got the new L...
Maddux Left For Dead, Doesn't Actually Die
Thursday "night"'s game for San Diego lasted all of 22 innings. Friday's game against the Arizona Diamondbacks was over after just one inning, when they were losing 6-0. And as impressive as Dan Haren, Conor Jackson, Justin Upton, THE UNPREDICTABLE ERIC BYRNES WOBBITY WOK, and all of the other Diamo...
Mmmff (Yawn) Good Morning ... Is The Padres Game Over Yet?
As a weary nation slept peacefully, the Rockies' Kip Wells struck out Padres' pitcher Glendon Rusch to end the longest game in either team's history; a 22-inning, 2-1 win for Colorado at Petco Park. It all ended at 1:21 a.m. PST — 4:21 on the east coast — 6 hours, 16 minutes after it had begun. By t...
Webb Rising, Zito Waning In The West
That sonic boom you heard in San Francisco on Wednesday was caused by pitchers Brandon Webb and Barry Zito. The former Cy Young winners are moving so quickly in opposite directions that the rapid heating and expansion of air has created enough pressure to cause explosive sound waves in China Basin....
Celebrating Jackie Robinson Day With Canadian Highlights And Lou Gossett Jr.
When honoring the great Jackie Robinson and all he has meant to baseball, my first thought was the same as the Dodgers': Roll out Chaka Khan. What, no Rufus? Tell me something good .... Of course Lou Gossett Jr. was also there, so it made perfect sense. Look, I don't like the fact that Jackie Robins...
Ortiz Slump Officially Over. Thanks, Yankees!
Here's the thing, Yankees fans. You may have thought that you were heading off some sort of curse by digging up that David Ortiz jersey that was buried beneath your new stadium. But consider this: While the jersey remained buried, it's owner was hitting .070; last in the majors. In his first game ba...
In Praise Of The Devil Rays
Some fun facts about your Tampa Bay Rays: Their Class AA affiliate is the Montgomery Biscuits ... Jeff Niemann, who won his major league debut on Sunday by throwing six innings of one-run ball, is already known by Rays fans as The Knight Who Says Ni ... with Niemann moving up to the bigs, the Rays ...
No Stunt Pitcher Needed
Apparently all the Dodgers' offense needed was a kick in the ass from a guy who things while Brett Ratner tells him to make goofy faces. LA's bats finally broke out, and at the expense of San Diego's Chris Young of all people. Andre Ethier went 3-5 including one of the team's three home runs (Furcal...
Dontrelle Is Injured, Fat
Dontrelle Willis lasted all of 14 pitches before leaving with a hyper-extended knee, but he was just as shitty before the injury. The high-kicking lefty couldn''t seem to get his kick all the way up, which the Baseball Tonight crew was quick to attribute to his physique, which can only be described...
Giants Win Three Straight? That's Unpossible!
What the fungus is going on here? About a month ago during spring training, The Dugout over at AOL asked Giants fans if they would rather have Rich Aurilia beat them senseless with construction site debris, or have Barry Bonds back for another season. I of course chose the former, and braced myself ...
It Is Not Wise To Anger Albert Pujols
Now this is what you like to see. Albert Pujols, immersed in controversy, steaming mad and clouting homers. The Cardinals ripping up the NL Central despite preseason predictions of Epic Fail. Tony La Russa, legally sober according to state law. On Wednesday, Pujols — perhaps angered by this post — e...