mlb Page 95 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Buncha Wilmers
It’s true! The Mets infielder is Wilmer Alejandro Flores, while his brothers are Wilmer de Jesus Flores and Wilmer Rafael Flores. That’s even more Wilmers than there are Rougneds....
Mike Clevinger Doesn't Need A Haircut
By the low standards of baseball, Indians starting pitcher Mike Clevinger is an interesting personality. He loves good vibes, has a flowery tattoo sleeve on his left arm, and frequently wears customized cleats, even if that means pushing back on MLB’s dour uniform rules. Clevinger also has long hair...
Maybe The Nationals Really Are As Much Of A Mess As That Anonymous Player Said
The Nationals are now dead, much as they have died many times before this season, but this time it’ll really take, coming as it did at the humiliating hands of the Marlins. So it’s time for postmortems! Here’s a good Washington Post story containing the anecdote that’ll come to define this lost year...
The Phillies Are Going To Miss The Playoffs Because They Keep Losing To The Mets
The Phillies played a marquee game on national cable last night, so of course they lost, falling 8-2 to the Mets in the 2018 MLB Little League Classic in Williamsport and losing a chance to climb back into first in the NL East. The Phillies lost 3 of 5 in the series, bringing them to 5-8 against the...
Stick All The Forks In These Losers
The Nationals got smoked Sunday afternoon, at home, by the garbage Marlins. Jose Ureña—yes, that fucking guy—pitched a dominant two-hitter for his first career complete game. Ureña, by the way, on top of being a shithead, is bad! He came into the game with a 3–12 record, and a crummy 4.74 ERA, and a...
Leonys Martín To Be Released From Hospital Following Life-Threatening Bacterial Infection
Indians outfielder Leonys Martín will be sent home Sunday, after spending more than a week in the Cleveland Clinic battling a life-threatening bacterial infection that compromised the function of several internal organs....
Get A Load Of This Hot-Doggin' Strike-Throwin' Baseball Nun
The Chicago White Sox invited Sister Mary Jo Sobieck of Marian Catholic High School to throw out the ceremonial first pitch for Saturday’s game against the Royals. She did some early hot-dogging with the slick little elbow trick you see above, but that was really just a preview. Her first pitch, thr...
Hard Luck Dodgers Beat Themselves With Walk-Off Balk
So how do the Dodgers—the team with the best run differential in the National League, and the third lowest total of runs allowed in baseball—find themselves in third place in the NL West, and fifth in the NL Wild Card? Well, for starters, by performing pretty poorly in one-run games, where they’ve a...
Don Mattingly Will Protect The Cowardly Jose Ureña From Comeuppance
Marlins pitcher Jose Ureña was suspended six games by Major League Baseball for his bush-league plunking of Ronald Acuña Jr., to break up Acuña’s three-game streak of leadoff dingers. As should be expected whenever a player is suspended, Ureña has appealed the punishment, which means he is eligible ...
MLB Network Falls For Joke Report That Trevor Bauer Is Treating Himself For "CIA Nanites"
It’s possible to believe a lot of whacky stories about Trevor Bauer, who is both a big old dummy and also a too-online crank who once wanted to use a soldering iron to cauterize a finger wound. A report that Bauer wants to use alternative methods to treat the stress fracture in his right fibula woul...
Athletic Writer Throws Fit Over Rhode Island Not Giving Into Stadium Financing Scheme
A hot new sports media startup may not be the place you’d expect to find a braindead take lifted straight from a dead-tree columnist’s 1996 notebook, but then you remember that The Athletic, in its quest to destroy all print sports sections, did hire plenty of middle-aged white guys. One of those gu...
This Triple Play Confused The Hell Out Of Everyone Involved<em></em>
Triple plays are always cool, but the best instances are the ones that leave everyone—fielders, runners, fans, broadcasters—kind of confused about what exactly just happened. Last night’s Angels-Rangers game gave us one of those....
Minnesota Steakhouse Pranks Umpire Joe West With Braille Menu<em></em>
Joe West has been an umpire for 42 years, long enough to have seen pretty much damn near everything there is to see in the sport. Six World Series, nine League Championship Series, eight League Division Series, and three All-Star Games will do that to you. Bet he’s never been owned by a restaurant, ...
The Mets Made The Phillies Look Like The Mets
The New York Mets are the greatest baseball team of the past two days. Following up on a 16-5 drubbing of the Orioles on Wednesday night, one of the biggest laughingstocks in baseball took down the Phillies this afternoon by a staggeringly competent score of 24-4. Those 24 runs today are a Mets fran...
Two Insufferable Teams Combine Forces For One Really Big Piece Of Shit
Notre Dame football will play at Yankee Stadium in November, so to commemorate what will surely be a memorable game against Syracuse, the Fighting Irish will wear these pinstriped uniforms. The price is quite steep at $95, but anyone who’d buy one would be doing so drunk anyway....
Oh, Good, Now The Sports Media Is Slurping Up Elon Musk's Bullshit
Go to any sports website today and you are likely to see a headline about Tesla founder Elon Musk’s brilliant new plan to alleviate traffic before and after Los Angeles Dodgers games. ESPN: “Elon Musk’s tunnel company aims to reduce Dodger Stadium traffic with ‘Dugout Loop.’” Sports Illustrated: “El...
Jose Ureña Played Dumb And Defiant After Plunking Ronald Acuña
Pretty much the entire baseball world (except for Keith Hernandez) united against Marlins pitcher Jose Ureña after he knocked red-hot Braves starlet Ronald Acuña out of the game with a first-pitch heater to the elbow. Braves first baseman Freddie Freeman called Ureña “gutless.” Even his own manager ...
The Giants-Dodgers Brawl, From Andrew McCutchen's Perspective
Yasiel Puig and the Giants brawled again on Tuesday. This time, it wasn’t Madison Bumgarner, but Nick Hundley who took offense to an unconscionably insignificant Puig “transgression.” Yasiel yelled “fuck” after fouling off a ball:...
Keith Hernandez Has Some Takes On Jose Ureña Beaning Red Hot Ronald Acuña
The Braves’ Ronald Acuña Jr. has been raking as of late, hitting .471/.514/1.235 (!) over his last eight games, with eight homers over that time frame. He’s also led off with a homer in each of his last three games against the Marlins. In some players’ Weird Baseball Logic, that means, accordingly, ...
Cowardly Jose Ureña Beans Ronald Acuña To Avoid Another Lead-Off Dinger
20-year-old Braves slugger Ronald Acuña Jr. is molten hot right now, blasting eight homers in his last eight games and lead-off dongs in each of his last three. If you’re Marlins starter Jose Ureña, facing the Braves tonight, you can either take Acuña’s recent success as an exciting challenge to you...