What Does Miguel Almirón’s Record Transfer Mean For The MLS?
You see what you want to see when you look at Miguel Almirón’s reported MLS-record $27 million transfer to the Premier…
Every Austin FC Chant Is Lame As Hell Except For The One That's A Tom Petty Song
MLS had a big ceremony today to announce that the league’s 27th club, Austin FC, will start playing in 2021. The…
The MLS SuperDraft Is An Embarrassing Relic
The 2019 edition of the MLS SuperDraft took place on Friday (rounds one and two, in Chicago) and Monday (rounds three…
Old Man Wayne Rooney Was Arrested At Dulles Airport For Something Called "Public Intoxication/Swearing" [Update]
D.C. United captain and former Premier League champion Wayne Rooney was arrested in Dulles International Airport by…
The New MLS Playoff Format Is A Disaster In Waiting
In its effort to continue to tweak every single thing imaginable, MLS announced on Monday that there will be a new…
American Soccer Is Fine
Zack Steffen, an American soccer player who currently plies his trade on U.S. soil, is set to join the English Premier…
World-Famous Atlanta Strip Club Welcomes In A Little-Known Soccer Trophy For Some Booty Dancing
Millions of young boys around the world dream of one day making it inside Magic City, Atlanta’s internationally…
Atlanta United's MLS Cup Victory Ends Michael Parkhurst's Agonizing Championship Drought
The city of Atlanta has a championship for the first time since 1995 thanks to the efforts of second-year MLS franchise…
Shithead Soccer Fan Appears To Peg MLS Player In The Face With Trash
In the 22nd minute of the second leg of the MLS Eastern Conference Championship, underway Thursday night in New Jersey,…
DC United's Nick DeLeon Scores Clutch Game-Tying Goal, Then Chokes Away Decisive Penalty Kick
Well this was all very dramatic. DC United were down 2–1 in the 116th minute of Thursday night’s knockout round match…
Philadelphia Union Players Rip Home Field Conditions After Loss
The Philadelphia Union play in a stadium in Chester, Pennsylvania. It’s on the Delaware River waterfront near a casino…
Old Man Wayne Rooney Has Officially Dragged D.C. United Into The Playoffs
Three months after sitting at the bottom of the MLS’s Eastern Conference playoff race, D.C. United have secured a…
Old Man Wayne Rooney Adds Ridiculous Free-Kick Goal To MLS Highlight Reel
Former Manchester United star Wayne Rooney’s first season in MLS was already a huge success before last night’s game…
Browns Owner Jimmy Haslam Will Help Keep The Columbus Crew In Town
The Crew have been saved after all.
Michael Bradley Might As Well Retire After Zlatan Ibrahimović Ethered Him
Zlatan Ibrahimović scored what might have been the greatest goal of his life last Saturday in the L.A. Galaxy’s game…
Philadelphia Union Introduce New Mascot, A Snake With Arms And Legs, Which Are Like The Most Important Things A Snake Doesn't Have
In their ninth MLS season, the Philadelphia Union finally (finally) have a mascot. It seems like mere days ago he was a…
Inter Miami CF Continues MLS's Proud Tradition Of Barfy European Cosplay
David Beckham’s Mosaic trek through the American sports grifter desert as he seeks to realize his MLS team ownership…
Did This Duck Rally Real Salt Lake To Victory Over LA Galaxy?
LA Galaxy entered Rio Tinto Stadium on Saturday hoping to get a win and keep their playoff hopes alive against Real…
Clint Dempsey Is An Intractable Asshole Who Never Backed Down From Anyone
After playing professional soccer for 15 years, Clint Dempsey—celebrated striker and guy who broke John Terry’s face—is…
Antoine Griezmann To Carlos Vela: Wait For Me At LAFC
Atleticó Madrid pulled off an upset on Wednesday in taking down crosstown rival Real Madrid 4-2 to bring home the UEFA…