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Vin Diesel's Gloriously Absurd <i>XXX </i>Is Mountain Dew For The Soul
XXX, the fantastically stupid Vin Diesel vehicle from 2002, starts with a shaky premise: James Bond is done. The world has changed, and he can't survive. You can understand how someone might've arrived at that conclusion. The Pierce Brosnan era was nearing its bloated end, and Die Another Day, with ...

Will Smith Is A Blank Slate Now, And <i>Focus </i>Doesn't Help
Most movie stars charm us by creating the illusion that we know them. Tom Cruise's appeal comes in large part from our identification with his intense, full-throttle performances; the Rock, his eyebrow always arched in a self-mocking way, lets us in on the joke that action movies are preposter...

<i>Headhunters </i>Proves That Norway Is Secretly A Super-Messed-Up Place
For a non-fan, the whole idea of the Nordic noir phenomenon can feel a bit strange: An entire genre of mass-market paperback thrillers dedicated to the idea that people in some of the world's cleanest, brightest, richest, most polite countries are really doing unspeakable things to each other behi...

Marshawn Lynch Made A Movie About His Life And It Looks Really Bad
Listen, I'm as confused as you are, but this is appears to be a promo for a movie about the life of Marshawn Lynch, starring Marshawn Lynch. It looks like an extremely bad movie! ...

<i>The Running Man</i>'s Goofy, Violent Dystopia Hasn't Arrived Yet, Alas
Right around New Year's Day, I saw a bit of online chatter pointing out that we were entering the year depicted in Back to the Future II, and that to our great disappointment, we still don't have hoverboards or '80s-themed diners. Tragic as that may be, I'm more concerned that we're now only two yea...

And Now, Russell Wilson Reviews <i>Fifty Shades Of Grey</i>
Russell Wilson saw Fifty Shades of Grey last night, and he has some thoughts....

The Loopy <i>Project A</i> Is Jackie Chan At His Most Violently Ridiculous
There's a moment in the 1983 Jackie Chan movie Project A where he's dangling from a clock tower's minute hand, clinging for dear life as people watch him from stories below. Chan has always been a big silent-comedy head, and the scene was directly inspired by a famous stunt that Harold Lloyd pulle...

You Only Smirk Twice: <i>Kingsman: The Secret Service</i>, Reviewed
At a time when our superhero movies and action films are often dressed in dark tones, the gleefully sarcastic and proudly hyper-violent Kingsman: The Secret Service ought to be a relief. Eschewing the trend of brooding characters nursing mournful back stories, this adaptation of Mark Millar and D...

Jason Statham Will Hopefully Never Stop Making Movies Like <i>Homefront</i>
There are things you expect to see in a Jason Statham movie, and 2012's Homefront has those things: kicks, headbutts, armbars, heads smashed through car windows, weary neck-stretches, imperiled little kids, muttered warnings not to fuck with Jason Statham. It also has James Franco banging Winona Ryd...

Dodge This: The Lousy, Endless <i>Jupiter Ascending, </i>Reviewed
1. Why did The Matrix work? For all its pseudo-philosophy and whiz-bang effects, for all its blue-pill-red-pill This is all an illusion sci-fi wonkery, may I humbly suggest that it was Keanu Reeves all along? Without him, you have a fun, expansive vision that may have never escaped its creators' h...

Beautiful Baltimore Bums
My father was born and raised in New York City. He idolized, among others, Sid Caesar, Walt Kelly, and Adlai Stevenson. As his son, I campaigned for Mondale/Ferraro when I was in the 8th grade, drew anti-Reagan political cartoons for my social studies class, and hung a huge Keith Haring "Free South ...

The Terse, Explosive <i>Drug War </i>Is Nearly As Hard As <i>Hard Boiled </i>Itself
The Hong Kong shoot-'em-up is a venerated cinematic genre, one that blew a whole lot of minds and changed the way all movies look, but it really had a pretty short shelf life. The halcyon era really only lasted about seven years: From 1986, when John Woo made the groundbreaking gangster flick A Bett...

Splendor in the Short Grass
Here's Grover Lewis' famous Rolling Stone takeout on the filming of The Last Picture Show:...

<i>RoboCop </i>Is The Best Movie Ever Made
In fourth grade, I went to school every day with a RoboCop lunchbox. In retrospect, this seems insane. RoboCop is arguably the bleakest, most violent, most nihilistic movie ever made by an American studio. Every scene seems to drip with malice even when nothing especially dramatic is happening. It's...

There Are No War Heroes: A Veteran's Review Of <em>American Sniper</em>
American Sniper will likely be the most controversial and divisive movie of 2015, and it's mid-January. From concerns over the baldly anti-Muslim social-media rants it has inspired to titular real-life protagonist Chris Kyle's debatable status as a hero to his notorious unreliability as a non-fict...

Pretty Hurts: Why The Steely <i>Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon </i>Holds Up
There is a lot of fighting in 2000's Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, but almost none of the blows look like they hurt. The one really painful attack here—the one where you sort of recoil from the screen—is when one woman tells another woman that they're not friends anymore, that they could never b...

Inconceivable Stupidity: Your Guide To Ignoring Today's NFL Playoffs
So the Mueller report was released this week, and ho-ho! Look how it confirmed the NFL's story, of never having been granted access to the tape from inside the elevator. Amazing! That's great news for the NFL....

<i>Blood and Bone </i>Treats Michael Jai White Like The Badass Miracle He Is
America has failed as a society in many ways, and one of them is this: Michael Jai White is not a titanic movie star. There is no reason why Michael Jai White is not a titanic movie star. He can act. He has a calm, still, intimidating presence. He's handsome enough to play the love interest in a...

Lee Marvin Shoots From The Hip
Over at the Beast I reprinted Robert Ward's hugely entertaining Rolling Stone profile of Lee Marvin:...