nba-closer Page 5 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Kobe Cries Tears Of Blood, Lakers Win
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who believes that only you can prevent forest fires. So the next time there's a forest fire, it's totally your fault. When he's not blaming you for nature's fiery blazes, he can be found fanning the flames of Basketbawful. Enjoy! And the Warriors went down ...
Dirk Has Fallen And He Can't Get Up (For At Least Two Weeks)
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who loves March Madness as much as the next guy but is really tired of hearing the phrase "You can tell they don't want to go home!" I mean, seriously, do the announcers need to tell us that over and over? Are there teams of players that DO want to go home? ...
Shaking Up the Eastern Conference
Last night the Magic bounced back from a loss to the Wizards to best the 76ers in a game that featured 22 different scorers. Although nobody on either team notched more than 18 points each team received scoring contributions from 11players with eight of Orlando's 11 scoring in double figures. Rasha...
Celtics Munch On A Little Texas Toast
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who knows he can't compete with March Madness but is going to try anyway. When he's not begging and pleading for you to read this column, he can be found celebrating his alma mater (HAIL PURDUE!) at Basketbawful. Enjoy! Ray Allen stuck a dagger deep in the ...
Heat Forget How To Score, And The Answer Was In Philly
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who's really looking forward to Easter, the day on which Larry Bird returns from the dead to lay multi-colored eggs under a Christmas tree. When he's not wondering whether Larry knows whether he's been naughty or nice, he can be found weaving his Easter bask...
Remember What Ol' Jack Burton Says...About The NBA
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who's not saying that he's been everywhere and done everything, but does know it's a pretty amazing planet we live on, and a man would have to be some kind of FOOL to think we're all alone in THIS universe. And he's trying to prove that at Basketbawful. Enjo...
A Very NBA St. Patrick's Day
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who has a bit 'o the Irish in him. Although a few testy Irishmen told him this weekend that the name "McHale" is actually Scottish. But hey, everybody's Irish on St. Patty's day, right? When he isn't walking the streets of Chicago in his brand new green tuxe...
The Rockets Truly Are Too Legit To Quit
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who's about this close to ordering a Dikembe Mutombo jersey. When he isn't marvelling at the continued mobility of the venerable (i.e., ancient) center, he can be found whistling Dixie at Basketbawful. Enjoy! They're on a mission from God. That's about the ...
Swag Update: It's At An All Time High
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, a master of the ancient art of ninja. When he isn't stalking his enemies in the dead of night, he can't be found practicing the art of stealth at Basketbawful. Enjoy! He's baaaa-aaaack. Remember that Caron Butler guy? He returned to the Washington lineup af...
Winning Ugly. So Very, Very Ugly
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who scraped out his eyes with a spoon after watching the Rockets' 20th consecutive win. Fortunately, the government immediately replaced them with bionic implants, but now they expect him to fight crime. So when he isn't using his now-better than 20/20 visio...
Scalper's Night Off In The NBA
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who knows that dunking cheerleaders can help make the pain go away. When he isn't enjoying the fine art of the dance, he can be found doing the Funky Cold Medina at Basketbawful. Enjoy! • Run! It's Shaq!! On Sunday, The Big Cactus flattened three full rows ...
The NBA Closer...of Doom!
The NBA Closer is written by Doctor Victor Von Doom, the monarch of Latveria and sworn enemy of the Fantastic Four. When he isn't filling his armor with unstoppable devices of mayhem and receiving physical gratification from his endless army of robot duplicates, Doom can be found plotting his conque...
Huge Sigh Of Relief Out Of Phoenix Alters National Weather Patterns
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who is holed up in a basement next to a big stack of canned goods and bottled water right now. When he isn't preparing for the end of all life as we know it, he can be found tweezing his eyebrows at Basketbawful. Enjoy!...
Los Spurs and Rockets Win, While The LeBron Jameses Lose
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who wishes you all a happy freaking Friday. When he's not celebrating the weekend, he can be found playing Texas Hold 'Em at Basketbawful. Enjoy! • We now have an answer to one of life's great mysteries. The Yao Ming-less Rockets are indeed better than the ...
LeBron Scores 50, While "LeBron" Gets Escorted Out Of MSG
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who has no idea what to say about himself today. When he's not blanking out on his own life for Deadspin, he can be found brainfarting at Basketbawful. Enjoy! • New York hearts LeBron. King James gave the Knicks a three-fisted knuckle sandwich of 50 points,...
Ron Artest Says "Raaargh," But Lakers Win Anyway
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who never thought he'd live to see the day when Joel Przybilla could push around Shaquille O'Neal. When he's not having his most cherished basketball memories irrevocably altered by The Big Eraser, he can be found dancing the funky chicken at Basketbawful. E...
Isiah Thomas Joins "Fire Isiah" Movement
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who thinks Isiah has been trying to get fired for years - I mean, would you want to coach the Knicks? Didn't think so. When he's not trying to make sense of Isiah's substitution patterns, he can be found scrapbooking at Basketbawful. Enjoy! • Okay, seriousl...
The Ultimate Warrior Edition
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who thinks there's something morbidly fascinating about a guy who looks like he walked out of a Boris Vellejo painting and is also clinically insane....
Watch That Winning Streak Fade Into Nothing
What are Joel Przybilla and Pau Gasol looking at? The Cloverfield monster? An upper deck blowie? Danny Noonan's putt? Whatever it was, it helped the Lakers end their 10-game winning streak in Portland....
Kobe Won't Stop Looking At DWade
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who freaking slept through the Mavs/Spurs game but then woke up for the Heat/Lakers game and therefore wants you to please, please kill him. When he isn't begging for death, he can be found seeking it out at Basketbawful. Enjoy! • Tim Duncan + Doing Everyth...