ned Page 23 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Warmths, Ranked
When it’s winter and cold outside and, say, your office is an uninsulated block of freezing concrete, you and your colleagues might spend a lot of time haggling over space heaters, thinking about warmth. There are many different warmths; here they are, ranked from best to worst....
A Non-Exhaustive List Of Batshit Stuff That Happened During The Cal-TCU Bowl Game<em></em>
My beloved idiot sons, the California Golden Bears football team, somehow lost the worst college football game of the season last night to TCU, a 10-7 stinker that featured the worst interception you’ll see throughout bowl season, and also the second-worst. If those two weren’t enough for you, don’t...
This Is Almost Certainly The Worst Double-Pass Play You Will Ever See
Wednesday night’s excruciating bowl game between Cal and TCU featured 17 total points and nine combined interceptions, and needed an overtime field goal for the nominal winner to slink out of there with somehow even less dignity than their vanquished foe. Of those nine interceptions, believe it or n...
<i>A Christmas Story</i> Subplots, Ranked
Christmas feels incomplete without at least four-to-six partial viewings of A Christmas Story, Bob Clark’s 1983 movie based on Jean Shepherd’s semi-autobiographical stories. By now, if you have a heart, you’ve seen each segment and running subplot dozens of times. But which are the best? And which a...
Duquesne Coach Keith Dambrot Lost His Mind Over A Late Blocking Foul
Duquesne, a 5.5-point underdog, played a back-and-forth game with Penn State last night. The Dukes led by seven at halftime, and they tied it on a pair of free throws with 10 seconds left....
Ousmane Dembélé Clowns Two Tottenham Defenders And Dunks The Ball Into The Net
Ousmane Dembélé just gave Barcelona the lead against Tottenham in the Champions League by flying past defender Kyle Walker-Peters with an absolutely insulting big touch and then sitting midfielder Harry Winks on his ass with his trademark fake shot before slamming the ball past goalkeeper Hugo Llori...
Ousmane Dembélé Has The Sickest Pump-Fake In The World
For Ousmane Dembélé, Barcelona’s match against Atlético Madrid this weekend had to feel familiar. He started the game on the bench for the fourth La Liga match running, a reflection of the French wunderkind’s continued struggles to ingratiate himself with his teammates and manager thanks his now wel...
Grinch Burns, Ranked
1. Your soul is an appalling dump heap, overflowing with the most disgraceful assortment of deplorable rubbish imaginable, mangled up in tangled-up knots....
Holidays, Ranked
Here is a list of (commercialized) U.S. holidays, ranked in order of how good they are:...
Tulane Defensive End Can Eat An Entire Apple In 90 Seconds
There aren’t many reasons for someone to tune into a Friday night college football broadcast of Memphis vs. Tulane, but thankfully the crew at ESPN2 understand this and try to spice things up in the lulls between plays. In a segment called “Hidden Talents,” the broadcast team showed an amazing video...
Ousmane Dembélé Isn't Perfect For Barcelona, But He Is What They Need
It still isn’t entirely clear if Ousmane Dembélé truly fits in at Barcelona. He doesn’t seem to have level of technical mastery and precision required to thrive in Barcelona’s traditional playing style, and it’s yet to be determined whether it would be wise or even possible for him or Barça alter th...
This Fucking Fireman Ed Is Back, Again
Fireman Ed announced his “retirement” from, uhh, attending Jets games in a helmet and teaching Jets fans how to spell a one-syllable word back in 2012. He’s made appearances since then, but only do to heroic things like pass the torch to a younger generation of people who loudly spell a word at foot...
CORRECTED: Big Ten Network Suspends Braylon Edwards Indefinitely For Criticizing Michigan On Twitter
CORRECTION (7:51 p.m.): Though the announcement of Edwards’s suspension was made after Harbaugh’s press conference, Pat Kenny of Big Ten Network tells Deadspin that Edwards was informed of his suspension Sunday, before Harbaugh made his comments, and that “Coach Harbaugh’s comments had no bearing on...
How One Team Built A Dynasty—And Won $7 Million—In The Basketball Tournament
When Errick McCollum headed to the bank in August of 2015, he was mostly hoping that his check for nearly $100,000 would clear. He wasn’t broke or anything like destitute at the time—the older brother of Blazers star C.J. was, at the time, making a good living playing professional basketball in Chin...
Tom Brady Gets Prickly As Hell About Alex Guerrero's Possible Connection To Julian Edelman's PED Suspension
Even though the Patriots have distanced themselves from Alex Guerrero, Tom Brady’s TB12 body coach and business partner’s name is still circling around New England. This time, though, it’s in connection with Julian Edelman’s four-game suspension for violating the NFL’s performance-enhancing drug pol...
Looney Tunes Characters, Ranked
Who would do this? And why? Drew Magary would, was the thing, and was gonna, and I’d rather die than let his rankings speak for the site and wind up with history recording that the place where I work said “R&B/Soul” was the second-best Looney Tunes character of all time. So we turned it into a scien...
Dirks Nowitzki, Ranked
Alex Kennedy of HoopsHype has posted some excellent videos that track the evolution of specific player avatars in NBA video games over the last two decades. By far the most cursed sequence is Dirk Nowitzki’s. If you were expecting a steady, linear progression from “Not Dirk” to “Okay that’s Dirk” as...
Announcing Cliches In Soccer, Ranked
The World Cup didn’t quite feel the same without Ian Darke to call it, but at least there was another month of (mostly) British announcers populating our soccer broadcasts. Here’s a celebration of the phrases only heard when watching the beautiful game....
GIFs, Ranked
Today is my last day at Deadspin after seven years of forcing you to watch dumb shit I saw on TV. To commemorate my departure, I went through all 5,128 animated GIFs I created during my tenure here to select, and rank, the best of them....
Times Of Day For Fireworks, Ranked
Some folks outside my apartment were shooting off fireworks around noon today. Why would you waste them like that? I’m not sure, but this is when you should set off fireworks....