nes Page 453 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

What Is The Michigan Story Really About?
Everyone is really worked up about Rich Rodriguez and his problems at Michigan, but maybe there's something else going on here that doesn't have anything to do with the Wolverines....

Thomas Jones Had Some Festive Birthday Party Entertainment
You should see these ladies make balloon animals. It's a sight to behold. [JerseyChaser]...

Adam Jones Heads To Great White North
The Pack-Man, as I will always know him, signed a one-year deal with the Winnipeg Blue Bombers of the CFL. I wonder if NAFTA covers importation of strip club labor. [Canadian Press]...

Aim For The Knees, Brett!
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap....

You Made Rich Rodriguez Cry
ESPN interrupted Bill Belichick getting choked up over Teddy Bruschi so America could watch Rich Rodriguez get choked up about all the mean things the Detroit Free Press wrote about him. Why are our football coaches so sad?...

One Man's Old Fake Plastic Penis Utility Belt Is Another Man's Sports Memorabilia
$750. That's how much the owner of a Mankato sports bar payed to own Onterrio Smith's storied Whizzinator. "I'd love to have the Original Whizzinator on display. ... I'm going to use it."[RandBall]...

Timberwolves Cornering The Market On Scrappy White Guys You Probably Hated In The '80s
New Minnesota coach Kurt Rambis is adding former Bad Boy Bill Laimbeer to his staff. Tom Chambers should probably check in with his agent right about now. [Star Tribune]...

Michigan Is About To Feel The Burn
The Detroit Free Press took a good, hard look at the Wolverines' off-season training regimen and found that Rich Rodriguez seems to have drawn heavily on the fitness precepts laid out in the Bataan Death March....

The Cowboys Scoreboard Punter Drinking Game
You don't need a reason to drink this weekend, but you may need a reason to watch a 49ers-Cowboys preseason game that doesn't include "it was the only thing the sheriff would let me watch from the holding cell."...

The One With A Drunk Gunslinger And More Irrational Anger
We get a massive amount of tips in our inbox each week. Some are pretty interesting, but don't get published for one reason or another....

Who Needs An Immigration Wall When You Have Chipper Jones?
The Atlanta Braves third baseman is an avid hunter and since his home rests on a tract of land near the Mexican border, he often encounters many of brave illegal immigrants stealthily en route to a better way of life....

You Keep Sending 'Em, I'll Keep Posting 'Em
These distracted young men are the Division II Colorado School of Mines Orediggers. Think your school can top this? Bring it on. After the jump, a very special bonus photo of some very "special" players....

Poor Lawrence Tynes
The Giants' kicker was forced to show off his hamstring flexibility with The Rockettes (and Santa!) in the middle of the 6th Avenue to prove his knee is fully rehabilitated from last year. Coughlin's a tough sonuvabitch. [Best Week Ever]...

And Now A Look At The Actual Brett Favre Goat Tied Up In The Lady's Trunk
Finally, you can put your photoshopping skills to rest — the comically cruel Brett Favre goat video has been released to the local news. Yes, the goat, although tied down, is still alive in these photos. [WCCO]...

Favre-esque Goat Led To Slaughter In Trunk Of A Car
Mechanics in Minnesota were slightly alarmed this weekend when a woman came in for a new fan belt and then announced that she had a live goat—that was also a effigy of Brett Favre—in her trunk....

Cowboys Stadium Offers Valuable Seating Behind This Brick Wall
We've already covered the new Cowboys Stadium's opulent luxury, from the $40 million scoreboard to the $60 pizzas. How about $75 seats where you can only see one-third of the playing field? Thank you, Jerry Jones for all your blessings!...

One More Columnist Boldly Proclaims That Vince Young Is Not A Good NFL Player
Although Vince Young schizophrenically told Esquire he'd be enshrined in the Hall of Fame and the next black quarterback to win a Super Bowl, it appears only his mother and the voices inside his head believe him....

Moving Jerry's Big TV Wouldn't Be Cheap
According to Chris Mortensen's source with the Cowboys, raising the 72' high video screen would cost a minimum of $2 million (or 33,333 pizzas). No worries, Jerry Jones was already considering raising it to accommodate a U2 concert. [ESPN]...

Cowboys' Massive New Stadium Not Big Enough To Play Football In
Jerry Jones (and Texas taxpayers) spent $1.2 billion constructing an opulent state-of-the-art multi-use arena that's perfect for concerts, soccer matches, trade shows, Promise Keepers rallies, and even football games—provided that you don't allow either team to punt....

The One Where Crazed Loons Besmirch Lady Sizemore's Good Name
We get a massive amount of tips in our inbox each week. Some are pretty interesting, but don't get published for one reason or another....