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In Praise Of Football Stupidity
We're doing a season-long NFL roundtable with our friends at Slate. Check back here each week as a rotating cast of football watchers discusses the weekend's key plays, coaching decisions, and traumatic brain injuries....

It's Your Weekly Mark Sanchez Lowlight Reel! Featuring Appearances By Joe Flacco
The ineptness at the quarterback position last night was, in a word, staggering. Mark Sanchez—this year's king of the lowlight reel—fumbled four times and threw an interception, while Flacco fumbled once and threw an interception as well. Together, the two completed just 21 of 66 passes. If you sp...

Looks Like Klan Sheets Now Come Emblazoned With Your Favorite Baseball Team's Logo
Tipster Loren F. thinks he saw "Klan ponchos at Yankee game." In perceiving it so, he wonders whether "this usher feels slightly uncomfortable during the rain delay?!" Don't know. Bigger question: They turned on the Braves quickly enough to get new regalia?...

Listen To The Longest Soccer Goal Call Without A Pause Ever
Your morning roundup for Oct. 1, the day the nanny state says you're no longer allowed to legally fornicate with animals in Florida. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....

Red Bull Arena Has Turned Harrison, New Jersey, Into One Of The Poorest, Most Lawless Places In America
Harrison, New Jersey, used to be a nice town. There was a time when people here didn't lock their doors, and the apothecary made tinctures from local berries. Then the Red Bulls showed up with their Austrian owner and built their stinking $200 million arena. The town took on $39 million in debt to c...

The Photos Of Yankees GM Brian Cashman That Broke Up A Marriage
No, there are no photos of Cashman's actual dong to show you—not that we know of—but now the story of Cash's dong's wayward habits is news. The Yankees general manager's relationship with the woman in these photos has been known or suspected among New York reporters for years, but has been just too ...

Last Night's Rays/Red Sox Madness, In Chart Form
Jack Moore acknowledges right from the start that it's impossible to quantify what took place in Baltimore and St. Pete. But he did calculate how the odds for both Boston and Tampa Bay fluctuated throughout the evening, and that snazzy image he created certainly puts it all in perspective. [FanGrap...

The Best Four Minutes Of Baseball Last Night, Presented In Split Screen
We've put together a split-screen video syncing up the conclusions of both Yankees-Rays and Red Sox-Orioles that we hope the IP crew at MLB is too hungover today to notice. Enjoy....

All The Baseball Announcers' Big, Joyous Calls Last Night (And Then One By Michael Kay)
Lots of exciting things happened on Wednesday, and for the most part our baseball broadcasters were up to the task. Above, we've compiled their calls of last night's biggest moments. Below, well, listen for yourself. ...

Important Question Of The Night, Answered: Dan Johnson Did Not Go Deep To Some Dude's Nuts
This was Dan Johnson's game-tying shot in the ninth against the Yankees, which was briefly the night's most "holy shit" moment and which seemed all the more legendary for having caromed off some guy's balls. Verdict: no nut shot....

Tonight: Anyone Hear Anything About This Rumor Involving The Yankees' GM?
Your p.m. roundup for Sept. 28, the day we learned the Facebook dorks have descended upon New York. Don't know what the headline refers to? Go here. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....

Yankees GM Brian Cashman Possibly Caught In Messy Extramarital Affair
Sometime between February and March in 2009, Yankees general manager Brian Cashman headed down to Tampa to join his team for the usual spring training routine. It was a trip he'd been making for many years. But in addition to the dozens of media outlets that covered his every move that spring, there...

Jose Reyes Is One Point Ahead Of Ryan Braun For The NL Batting Title With One Game To Play (UPDATE)
No Met has ever won a batting title, and Reyes is hitting .336, while Braun is hitting .335....

Black Hockey Player Pays The Bigotry Forward, Calls Sean Avery A "Fucking Faggot"
Just over a week ago, Wayne Simmonds—one of the few black players in the NHL—had a banana thrown at him during an exhibition game in London. Yesterday in Philadelphia, after a slight altercation during a preseason game against the Rangers at Wells Fargo Center, Simmonds allegedly called Sean Avery...

Let's Watch Mark Sanchez Get His Face Put Back Together
Over and over and over again. [Larry Brown Sports]...

Referee Eats It In Raiders-Jets Game
As the Raiders were scurrying to get set up for a game-tying field goal in the final seconds of the first half, our enthusiastic friend has a bit of a problem with the whole "one foot in front of the other" thing. Come for the falling humans, stay for the meta ESPN-Axis style breakdown of the play...

The Fake Outrage Over Fake Injuries; Or, How To Piss On An NFL Sideline Without Anyone Seeing
Faking injuries in the NFL is a time-honored method of stopping the momentum of an opponent and giving your own team a much-needed breather. It's like calling a timeout in basketball when the other team is on a big run. Since football doesn't have the luxury of all those silly 20-second timeouts, th...

Anyone Care What David Brooks Has To Say About Amateurism And The NCAA?
Other than the fact that Upmarket Jeff Foxworthy somehow believes there was once a time of chivalric amateurism, and other than the part where he relishes the supposed irony of lefties advocating capitalism-friendly reform (Saul Alinsky and Marvin Miller would like a word) and also the part where he...

This Evening: Mariano Rivera's First Baseball Glove Was Made Out Of Cardboard (Video)
Your p.m. roundup for Sept. 22, the day we learned the rules for using a cell phone on a subway platform. Video via Sports Grid. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....
