nf Page 1198 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
When We Beer Bong Together, We Are One
In one of those, "Hey, look, opposing fans can all get along" stories, Kansas City and Green Bay fans come together to experience the Doc Ock. The guy wearing the Ahman Green jersey is our favorite....
If It's Too Loud, You're Too Young
There's not much to cheer about in Bronco land these days — did they really get hammered by the Lions? — but that doesn't mean the old folks can't have their fun....
This Week In The SSW
For years — OK, a couple of days — Slate writer Robert Weintraub has been tinkering with a concept called The SSW, short for "The Sean Salisbury Wisdom," which tracks the consensus of the football punditocracy to ensure those triumphant declarations from Friday aren't flushed down the memory hole on...
Anything That Doesn't Require Watching The Game
By the way, athletes are always being hammered for having "contract years," in which they play harder when they know they're going to be a free agent. Shouldn't Brian Billick have to give back part of the contract extension he got last year? That team's offense has never, ever gotten better, and now...
Ground Bacon Burgers For All
The Mighty MJD's Smorgasbord runs every Monday. Do enjoy. • The waitress this week is Muff Stubble Girl, who you might recall from past Smorgasbords this season. I shouldn't call her that anymore ... one, because it's not very nice, and two, because her pants are at a reasonably normal level these d...
Norval the Franchise Killer
The best thing about PJ's record-breaking performance might be this picture of Norv Turner reacting to the horror he's forced to witness. This might be my new favorite photograph of all time. I think I'm going to send it off to be made into a custom Fathead. Or maybe I can have it airbrushed onto my...
Patriots Fail to Cover Spread, Claim Hollow Victory
• Was there ever any doubt? You could tell that it was just a matter of time before Tom Brady and Randy Moss could stick a dagger through the Indianapolis defense. For three quarters Tony Dungy's Colts controlled the field, but you can't keep a good man down long, and the same can be said of Bill Be...
Peterson Breaks Rushing Record, Transubstantiates
Forget about rookie records, Adrian Peterson is going after bigger game. It's taken Minnesota's first-year wunderkind a mere eight attempts to break the NFL's record for rushing in a game. The 296 yard eruption led the Vikings to a 35-17 flattening of the San Diego Chargers and put Peterson over the...
New England Patriots Are The Saviors Of Alefgard
And there it is. The New England Patriots collected the Stones of Sunlight, the Staff of Rain, and the Token of Erdrick. Tom Brady will promptly whisk Princess Gwaelin away to a bed and breakfast somewhere south of Cantlin. Meanwhile, Bill Belichick will now reproduce a set of Erdrick weapons and ar...
To Watch Tonight
What to watch while locking yourself in your bathroom, reading the minutes from last week's Porn Club meeting... • 7 p.m. — Drag Racing: NHRA Auto Club of Southern California finals, Pomona, California. Ahh! which way do I turn? Which way do I turn? [ESPN2] • 8 p.m. — NCAA Football: SMU at Houston. ...
Championship Team Takes 13-7 Halftime Lead Over Legendary Team
Marvin Harrison isn't playing in the game, which my keen awareness picked up on sometime in the first quarter. So the backup No. 1 wide receiver for the Colts happens to be Joseph Addai, I guess. He has 107 yards receiving on top of his usual job of 80 yards rushing. He's also filling in for three b...
Detroit Lions Sweep The Leg On Broncos
The appetizers leading up to the Colts-Patriots were actually rather satisfying. Most of the games were very close in the fourth quarter, and a very large defensive lineman had to run fast. The Patriots-Colts, Texans-Raiders, and Seahawks-Browns are the only afternoon games. But first, let's look at...
Hoping The Patriots And Colts Play To A Tie Game
M'kay. It's getting to be that time, so let's get the Patriots-Colts preview out of the way. I hadn't even thought about who I thought would win this game until this weekend, when I put New England in my friend's NFL picks pool. It was a rather anticlimactic and unfulfilling finish to a week of spec...
The Reggies Are Running Rampant In New Orleans
Okay, which one of you smart-alecks told me that the Jaguars had a good defense? Because then I went and told everybody, including my local priest, and now I just look foolish. Most of the touchdowns were scored by one of many Reggies (Bush has two for the Saints, and Williams caught an 80-yard pass...
While at a Denver-area restaurant, John Elway was cut off from alcohol after the restaurant manager claimed he tried to order his eighth glass of wine. Even if he had seven glasses, he still would have been able to legally drive at least 98 yards on streets in the Cleveland area. [Rocky Mountain New...
Brett Favre Embodies The Tecmo Bowl Pass Play
I'd assume that a Tecmo Bowl Byron Leftwich would keep cycling through his receivers with the B button until someone sacks him....
Yes, That's Right, It's An NHL Closer
• Caliendo Can't Impersonate Him. Learn well, kids. When you have a choice between shooting at the goal and not shooting at the goal ... shoot at the goal. This was where I failed miserably in youth sports. But John Madden knew better, and decided against clearing the puck on a power play. His lack-...
Barry Bonds Just Won't Leave Us Alone
The Barry Bonds Big-Top Denial Circus made another stop on Thursday; and let me just say at the outset, that's entertainment. In case you heard it on MSNBC's Countdown with Keith Olbermann yesterday and are confused, let me translate: Barry says he never took steroids, and if the Hall of Fame accept...
Please Come Grace The Dolphins With Your Star Wattage
This story is from last week, but we somehow missed it, probably because we were so distracted by the Jason Taylor Robot that's intent on enslaving all our women. Turns out, the Dolphins, who are off to somewhat of a slow start, are paying celebrities to come to their games. Well, they're trying to....