nfl Page 1002 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
A Look At The Sunday NBC Crew
Earlier today, new NBC broadcaster — it feels weird to type that; we haven't quite adjusted to the NFL being back on NBC — John Madden went to visit Oakland Raiders camp and hang out with his former player Art Shell, the new coach (again) of the Raiders. Since it's a slow, non-sexual-harassing day...
How To Ruin Fantasy Football
It is just us, or is everyone pumping fantasy football a couple of weeks too early this year? Both Sports Illustrated and ESPN: The Magazine have already come out with their fantasy season previews — SI's included a cover photo of a guy who might not actually play for his team next year — even thoug...
Emmitt Smith Encourages You To Keep Looking At Him
We didn't actually watch it, and we don't have video or anything, but apparently the Miss Universe contest was on NBC last night. The only real interesting thing about beauty contests — other than, "Will one of them fall down? Please?" — is the celebrity judges, and last night's battle had some do...
A Bengal Gets The Taser
In their ongoing quest to become Blazers East, the Cincinnati Bengals have seen another member of their football team get arrested. And DT Matthias Askew has done it in grand style, somehow managing to get tasered after a parking violation. I am applauding politely....
Ben Roethlisberger, Pure Country
Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger, fresh off his apparent facial reconstruction that has somehow made him much more normal looking (and vaguely lobotomized) than he did before his motorcycle accident, is going to appear in a country music video. That in itself is no big deal. It's...
The Return Of Portis' Head
We supposed part of us should be depressed by the news that Clinton Portis is taking his strangely brilliant "characters" from last season's Redskins press conferences and using them to shill for the NFL Network, but we can't quite summon up much outrage. Honestly? We're just happy to see the char...
Men, Keep Your Wives From Bill Belichick
OK, so it turns out that Patriots coach Bill Belichick is quite the swordsman....
Kellen Winslow, Soldier (In Pads, And With Free School And A Big Contract And Little Chance Of Actually, You Know, Being Killed)
So we'd never actually seen this old video of Kellen Winslow Jr., after a Miami game against Tennessee. He is answering a question about whether or not a player he leveled with a devastating block was hurt. And we get confirmation that Kellen Winslow, tight end for an Ohio football team, is a soldie...
It's Good To Be Jimmy Johnson
Every year or so, former Cowboys and Dolphins coach Jimmy Johnson is forced to deny rumors that he's returning to coaching, usually with some sort of "I'm having too much fun relaxing on my boat!" response that does little to squash talk....
Dan Marino May Look Much Different Next Year On CBS
If you're not familiar with PostSecret.com, it's a website that invites the general public to send in their deepest, darkest secrets on a postcard, and then they publish them on their website. It's a popular website. There's a book in publication, and a lot of people, I suppose, find it therapeuatic...
Cowboys Safety Keith Davis Shot
Dallas Cowboys safety Keith Davis is recovering from two gunshot wounds sustained last night during a drive-by shooting on a Dallas highway. His condition is listed as stable, and despite being shot in the head and in the thigh, his injuries aren't considering life-threatening....
Do Not Date Flozell Adams, Girls
A Web site we hadn't heard of before called Don't Date Him, Girl purports to list the names and descriptions of guys that girls should, you know, not date, girl. Web sites like this make us nervous, so after we searched for our own name and the names of almost all our friends, we were pointed to t...
Run, You Stupid Linebacker, RUN!
Just to be clear on this, if some guy stabbed us, in a bowling alley or elsewhere, we would never stop crying. We're a bleeder. We would wail and scream and whine and plead and any other verb that connotes sniveling wimpdom....
Brian Urlacher's "Domestic" Woes
You know, people keep telling us about this Brian Urlacher custody trial business in Chicago, and it just makes us uncomfortable. Like many football fans, we like to think of Urlacher as an old-school, square-jawed bruiser cut from the Butkus mold. So when we start reading stuff like this —...
Big Ben's Radio Buddy
We think you can probably tell a lot about an athlete by whom he/she chooses for their first post-big-career-moment interview. Which "reporter" shows them enough deference, respect and suck-up-itude to be handed that big scoop?...
Thankfully, Roethlisberger Looking As Dopey As Ever
On Friday, Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger, sans "Drink Like A Champion" T-shirt, will make his first public appearance since his motorcycle accident a month ago, on "Good Morning America" with Robin Roberts. (Who's having a considerably more successful post-ESPN career than, sa...
More Inappropriate Ball Talk
This time, courtesy of everyone's favorite wise little cartoon canary, ESPN football analyst John Clayton. JC couldn't contain his excitement about Peyton Manning's potential post-season dominance this year thanks to, um, some new rules. But it's quite apparent that Clayton might need to start rea...
Todd Sauerbrun Gets Suspended for Fat Kid Pills
The Denver Broncos Todd Sauerbrun will most likely face a one month suspension after his pee -pee test revealed that he had dietary supplement Ephedra in his system. As you may remember, Ephedra was a popular drug used to curb people's appetites, speed up their metabolism, and, oh yeah, possibly k...
Terrell Owens: Portait of a Franchise Killer as a Young Man
Surprisingly, Dallas Cowboys wide receiver Terrell Owens used to be a little kid —with hopes, dreams, aspirations of making life miserable for his future employers and teammates—and the Philadelphia Eagles still, for some reason, have a little online scrapbook of T.O. as a pup on their Kids Club ...
The Ballad Of The Bengals Fan
You know how we love a good and dopey fan-written team tribute song — Sweet Shaun Alexander still wins the prize for the worst, if you ask us — and this one's a particularly fun one, "The Ballad Of The Bengals," about how Cincinnati is finally going to take out Pittsburgh this year, or something, we...