nfl Page 1013 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
You're Doing A Heckuva Job, Ticey
Imagine, if you will, Ron Artest blasting fans for getting in fights, or Damon Stoudamire organizing a protest against High Times, or Fred Smoot screaming at those who would use contraptions to "please" two women who happened to be lying prostrate on the deck of a boat. Hypothetically speaking....
The End Of Brett Favre, For Real This Time (Probably)
It has been so long since Packers quarterback Brett Favre was good that it would almost seem mean to continue thrashing him if it weren't for the John Maddens and Peter Kings of the world still treating him like Jack Twist treated Ennis Del Mar. (We imagine SI editors, in the Michelle Williams rol...
Fred Smoot Is Depressed
Well, here's a surprise: Vikings cornerback Fred Smoot has had a little different first year with the Vikings than he initially thought he would. (Not to be crude, but, uh, "holding a double-headed dildo and moving the dildo while each end was inserted into the vagina of two women" is a phrase tha...
Ben Troupe Will Do Anything For His Teammate
Well, we're two months in, so we suppose CBS Sportsline's rad, dope, duuuude "SPiN" section was due for a worthwhile story. Though it's not the same since they made E-Mack! go back to his Christian name. And this morning, we have to admit, they've got one: All respect....
Professor Irvin's Class Is In Session
The Miami Herald points us in the direction of something that was new to us: The Michael Irvin Academic Resource Academy. Irvin recently dedicated the "learning center" in Ft. Lauderdale, and whatever our thoughts about Irvin, it's difficult to find much fault in the gesture. Its goal is to help "...
How Could We Forget About Ron?
Last Friday, when we looked back at the month of April in our daily "Year In Review" segment, we made probably our biggest gaffe since starting this site: We, somehow, forgot to include Ron Mexico....
The Vikings Meet The Seventh Floor Crew
Sometimes, someone comes up with a concept that's so perfectly in our sweet spot that we can merely stand up and salute, and that's really saying something, because we spend the whole day on our ass....
The Only Real Way For Millen To Survive
As our weekend cohort The Mighty MJD pointed out yesterday, the "Fire Millen" bandwagon in Detroit yesterday — the organized protest by Lions "fans" to get rid of long miserable team president Matt Millen — has reached critical mass; it's so big now that Rasheed Wallace is on board. Not only is Fi...
NFL Roundup: Sad Colts, Happy Bolts
• We'll confess, we were actually kind of rooting for the Colts not to finish 16-0. Not because we have anything against them — we don't, save for maybe a suspicion that Edgerrin James did a guest spot on the seventh floor crew — but because we will never have faith in Tony Dungy and Peyton Chessn...
The Severe Beating of the Dallas Cowboys
The Redskins are beating the Cowboys in just about every possible way that a team can be beaten. You have to wonder how all of our lives would be different if more of the original cowboy vs. Native American matchups had gone this way in the early history of our nation....
All The Sudden, It's All Colts
I blinked in the 3rd quarter, and all the sudden, the Colts are leading the Chargers 17-16. Dwight Freeney hammered Drew Brees from behind to force a fumble, and Peyton Manning hit Dallas Clark in the endzone to take the lead....
Pittsburgh Leading The Other Relevant Game
The Steelers have a 7-point lead in the only other relevant game being played at 1 o'clock. Ben Roethlisberger scored on a 12-minute 3-yard touchdown run for the Steelers....
Giants Lead Chiefs At The Half
Thanks mainly to a goal-line stop of Larry Johnson, one of the worst defensive efforts you'll ever see by the Chiefs, a turnover late in the half, and a Jay Feely field goal attempt that was evidently influenced by divine intervention, the Giants lead the Chiefs 10-3 at halftime....
Someone At Fox Loves The Damn Sleigh Bells
Every ten seconds or so in the Patriots/Bucs game, someone at Fox is hitting the button to play some goddamn sleigh bell noise. It's like the producer put his ADD child in charge of the audio for today's broadcast, and the little bastard is pounding the sleigh bell button like he's playing Ten Yar...
Your Takes On The Sex Boat Wrapup
We love doing this site, but, to be honest, what we might love the most are you, the readers. Your comments are the highlights of our days, and not just because you're funnier than we are. We thought we'd take this opportunity to showcase our personal favorite slices of hilarity from today's earli...
Honoring Fantasy Football's Greatest
On the list of strange potential tourist attractions, we have to say, the upcoming Fantasy Football Hall of Fame has to be pretty high up there. Football Outsiders has the story of the new venture, which will be based in Pennsauken, N.J. (and we have to say, New Jersey seems like just the place, d...
The Full Report On The Sex Boat
So, hey, anybody else actually dug into these whole Vikings criminal complaints, the ones The Smoking Gun grabbed? If you haven't yet, we suggest you do, because it's even more entertaining than you thought. But, we understand, you're very busy at work today. So allow us to help you out. We've dug...
Clinton Portis' Craziest Costume Yet
Other Clinton Portis costumes have been deep, terrifying glimpses into the most cavernous regions of his soul, a tiny peek at the scary child within, peering out into the world, hoping it's not raining anymore. But this, his most recent one, however, is the most horrifying at all: A monstrous look...
Athlete Run-In: On Call For Antonio
Today's final athlete run-in story comes to us from Madison, Wisc., via comedian Nick Mortensen, and it must be true, because in the first sentence, he confesses he was a cheerleader in high school. It's about former Packer wide receiver Antonio Freeman....
Sex Boat Case Sails Off
It's a sad day when you can't take your rookie teammates out for a little Lake Minnetonka party with a bunch of whores. This goddamned Internet is invading everybody's privacy....