nfl Page 842 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Because Prime Time Is Where The Motherfucking Draft Belongs. Your 2010 NFL Draft Jamboroo
Drew Magary's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Find more of his stuff at his Twitter feed....
Ben Roethlisberger Suspended Six Games (Unless He Isn't)
NFL PR confirms that Roger Goodell will suspend the Steelers QB for six games, pending "behavioral evaluation" that could reduce/lengthen the suspension before the season starts. The question: Can he literally keep it in his pants until August? [NFL.com]...
Last Night's Winner: Football, As Usual
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. They might have even won NBA or NHL playoff games last night, but who really knows? Let's talk about games that happen five months from now!...
The Mel Kiper Files
Yoni Brenner is a Shouter & Murmurer for The New Yorker and a screenwriter on Ice Age 3: Dawn Of The Dinosaurs. He gives you this....
Color Me Fucking Shocked: Dick Vitale Loves Tim Tebow
You had to know Vitale would have a chubby for Tebow, the embodiment of heart. It was inevitable. The college basketball sportscaster chimes in today with an unbearable column about why Tebow should be taken high in the draft....
Roger Goodell Wins The Weekend
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like the NFL's Judge Dredd, who can finally claim victory in his war to take back the NFL from scum and villainy (a.k.a. Ben Roethlisberger's wang.)...
Willie Colon Had Enough Of Big Ben's "Sausage Party"
Colon said he felt women talking to him to get to Roethlisberger was "gay," and the male-to-female ratio at one club's VIP section was "a sausage party." Well, at least one of them managed to get some that night. [TSG]...
Milledgeville Officer Said Woman Was Making Up Her Rape Accusation
The day before the investigative documents were released, the Milledgeville officer who took the alleged victim's statement resigned. We've got a pretty good idea why: he said she was lying....
Yet Another Roethlisberger Incident: "He Pulled His Pants Down"
The Georgia investigation uncovered more allegations of sexual impropriety on Big Ben's part. In this case, on multiple occasions, he invited a woman to his home and made some very unwanted advances....
Jerry Jones Clarifies His "Social Moment," Explains That Bill Parcells Is, In Fact, Worth A Shit
Jerry Jones took the opportunity at a diabetes fundraiser yesterday to explain away his sodden musings on Bill Parcells, and somehow he came away sounding a lot sillier than he did last week during cocktail hour at Ocean Prime....
The Roethlisberger Documents: "His Penis Was Already Out Of His Pants"
Now we know exactly what Roethlisberger was accused of doing that night: straight up, unprotected sex. Let's dig right in to the sordid details, shall we?...
Donovan McNabb's Legacy Haunts Philly In Guise Of Bank Robber
Police are on the lookout for this man, suspected of committing a major jersey foul. Also, robbing a bank. Rush Limbaugh doesn't know how to feel just now. [Inquirer]...
Big Ben Acted Like A Dog And Vice Versa
A police dog donated by Ben Roethlisberger has been suspended for an unwanted assault on an underage girl while kicking back after work. But where would the dog learn such behavior?...
Slurring Jerry Jones Bad-Mouths Bill Parcells, Tim Tebow
A source sends along this video of a seemingly inebriated Jerry Jones waxing off about Tim Tebow ("he'd never get on the field"), Bill Parcells ("not worth a shit"), and how he got his stadium. Read the rough transcript after the jump....
Last Night's Winner: Steeler Pride
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like the good of people of Pittsburgh, who don't stand for miscreants, rabble rousers, or hippies. Plus, their heroes very rarely get charged with crimes....
Confirmed: Terrence Austin May Or May Not Be An NFL Draft Prospect
I bet I know what you're thinking right now. What NFL team will draft UCLA's 2nd all-time yardage leader, Terrence Austin? I was right, wasn't I? Thanks to this bizarre, sort-of-informative press release I cannot now give you the answer!...
Jeremy Shockey Is Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places
I.e., on Facebook and Twitter. Shockey is holding a contest for women (he emphasizes the "female" part) to submit a video explaining why he should take them out on a date. This won't end well. [via Chicks In The Huddle]...
Implosion Destructo-Porn: Texas Stadium Edition
Preceded by fireworks (and onlookers paying an admission fee), the 39-year-old Texas Stadium was reduced to rubble this morning. Jerry Jones is a secular Shiva: destroying, in order to re-create....
Santonio Holmes Probably Going To Sit A Few Out
Santonio Holmes is facing a suspension for violating the NFL's substance abuse policy. As the exact reason for the suspension is not yet known, wildly unfounded speculation is welcome below. [PFT]...
Drew Brees Plays Dress-Up With the US Marine Corps
Drew Brees visited Marines in Djibouti on a recent USO tour and got to play with their toys. He's a sharpshooter, etc. [New Orleans Times-Picayune]...