nfl Page 894 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Just Chill, Baby
Oakland Raiders take unique approach to upcoming game with Patriots; take four straight days off. [Thoughts From The Dark Side]...
Do The Lions Still Have The Stink Of Matt Millen On Them?
You gotta feel for Dominic Raiola. The Lion's center was the second player ever drafted by Matt Millen and has been forced to play every single game of his terrible reign in Detroit. So Dominic is understandably frustrated with the way his otherwise successful career has developed. Can anyone really...
It's Giant Balls Vs. Dwight Schrute For Hearts And Minds On Super Bowl Sunday
In a bold frontal attack that makes Pickett's charge look like a game of Red Rover and the Normandy Invasion seem like a visit from the grandparents, ABC will storm NBC's programming fortress on Super Bowl Sunday with the intent of stealing ever viewer possible. Their weapon? The obstacle course she...
Hey Steve, Have This Souvenir Cup!
The fans in Carolina are so polite. After sitting through an exciting Monday Night Football game and then being forced to do a lengthy SportsCenter wrap up, Steve Young was clearly too busy to run to the concession stand and get a tasty soda. So some helpful Panther backer decided to gently toss his...
The Titans Won, And There Was Much Rejoicing
In the most inevitable—yet still shocking—development of the weekend, the Tennessee Titans have wrapped up the AFC South. It's not so socking that they managed to end up on top of their division, but what is surprising is the way they did it. Their opening day quarterback had a complete meltdown in ...
Visanthe Shiancoe Becomes A Big, Bright, Shining Star
For the second Sunday this season I received a text message regarding an unlucky football player's unleashed member. Granted, KOGOD's "Locker room cock pic. Any thoughts?" message was less frantic than poor Tanner Cooley's after his brother's unfortunate slip-out, but it was still memorable in the s...
America's Most Distracted Team Still Wins NFC East
Somehow this loss is all Antonio Pierce's fault. But even though the Giants were pushed around by the revitalized Iggles, they were still NFC East champions at the end of the day. The best highlight from yesterday's 20-14 loss from a Giants perspective was Tom Coughlin's joyous sprint down the sidel...
This Must Be Some Sort Of Mistake
I see the words that have been hastily scrawled with Magic Marker on this sweat-soaked towel, but I'm not sure I understand what they mean. It seems to imply that the Cardinals are in fact the NFC West Division champions. The Arizona Cardinals? The football team? Whatever! (Let the record show that ...
Morten Andersen Retires
Someone finally informed the NFL's all-time leading scorer that he is no longer in the NFL, so he officially announced his retirement today from Denmark. Andersen played 25 years for five different teams and the 63-yarder he hit in 1981 is still a Big Ten record. [AP/Google]...
FOX Broadcasts Some Viking Locker Room Dong
Thanks to everyone that sent us pics of this. It's hard to get emotional about Vikings head Brad Childress' son going into the Marines when there's all this flaccid black cock staring me in the face. Pretty sure Heidi Klum has the same problem when she's taping Project Runway, but we're getting off-...
NFL Update 2: A Game Colder Than Your Obese Sister-In-Law
Dallas (8-4) at Pittsburgh (9-3). Wind chill this morning was at 7 degrees, which means Steelers coach Mike Tomlin will come out wearing Bermuda shorts and a tank top. Wade Phillips will enjoy one of the few benefits of "natural insulation" today. I don't understand how, at 8-4, everyone is counting...
Michael Vick Spent $201K On The Day He Went To Jail
First off, I think it's a ton of shit when the media point to professional athletes as people that "have it all," as they've been saying about Plaxico Burress, for example. One thing they don't have? Common sense, apparently (who wears sweatpants to a club?) Michael Vick reaffirmed as much, when a r...
NFL Update 1: Fantasy Football Is Not My Forte
Chicago 20, Jacksonville 3. If you drafted Matt Forte in fantasy this year, JUST SHUT UP ALREADY! Yes, nice job taking a risk on a guy that was in every magazine's top 15 RBs. You're a real riverboat gambler! Forte has 52 yards on the day and the scorn of 11 of every 12 fantasy owners....
1 PM Games: Your Last-Minute NFL Cheat Sheet
Atlanta (8-4) at New Orleans (6-6). The Atlanta Falcons would get the 6-seed in the NFC playoffs if the NFL season ended last week. New Orleans needs to win here just to stay alive in the wild card race (they're tied for 10th with the Bears), but the Saints really need to win out or their season is ...
Federal Judge Blocks NFL Suspensions
Have you made your NFL picks for this weekend? (Just for fun! No money, right?) You might want to hold off on a couple of those games, since a few of the rosters won't be finalized until a judge makes up his mind about the suspensions of the six players who received four-game bans for using an illeg...
How The Gruden Stole Christmas
So are we pretty much agreed that the Big Three in Christmas specials are The Grinch, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer and A Charlie Brown Christmas? (Apologies to Will Leitch). Well, one of these will not be seen in the Tampa Bay area as scheduled on Monday, as ABC is pre-empting A Charlie Brown Chri...
Bernard Hopkins Not Exactly In Donovan McNabb's Corner
And now a few words from Bernard Hopkins, former middleweight and light heavyweight world champion, Philadelphia native (Germantown), prison guest and all-around badass. Subject: Donovan McNabb. Venue: KNBR-680 (San Francisco) radio, Thursday afternoon. Mood: Huffy. Key quote: "I wish the Wizard of ...
Plaxico Burress: Second Amendment Martyr
Well, here's a new take on the Plaxico situation. "Policy analyst" David Kopel has an editorial in today's Wall Street Journal, arguing that Plaxico Burress has been wronged. Not because he faces three-and-a-half years in Attica for what is essentially a victimless crime. (If you're not counting his...
Jamboroo, Week 14. Featuring Enhanced TV Graphics, The Hollywood Knights, Anthrax, And The TPIR Mountain Climber
Drew Magary's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs, well, every Thursday afternoon during the NFL season. Drew's new book, "Men With Balls," featuring 100% new material, is available in stores and online here, and makes a lovely Christmas gift for the chronic masturbator in your life. You ...