nfl Page 902 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
NFL Update 3: Like A Kid Out There
Like a stupid child, Brett Favre just couldn't stop throwing the football to the other team today, giving away 3 interceptions (one of them as bad of a pick you'll ever see) against a Chiefs team that isn't - how would one put this? - very good. And that was before they lost their starting RB for s...
NFL Update 2: Who Is The Eighth?
Looks like we got a few more names on WaterPillGate. Jay Glazer is reporting that the two Minnesota Williamses - Pat and Kevin - both tested positive for whatever it is people are testing positive for these days. That'll put a decent-sized hole in their defensive line. Glazer also says Falcons defen...
NFL Update 1: Blackout!
Let's get you folks up to speed, our friends in Detroit who have taken a noble stand by refusing to pay big bucks to watch a horrible football team. Unfortunately, this little bit of protest has forced them to deal with the dreaded NFL blackout. We're here for you, D-Town. Washington 3, Detroit 10....
NFL Preview: Bad Boys, Bad Boys, Whatcha Gonna Do?
What a week for evil, HEEENGH? This probably isn't what Roger Goodall had in mind when he was going to "clean up the league". A Texans long-snapper and half of the Saints team got busted for the hilariously wimpy accusation of ingesting water pills; none have been suspended yet. Kellen Winslow got ...
NFL Voids Jim Haslett's Contract
Well, this is certainly some unexpected news. Jim Haslett, the hot-headed interim coach of the Rams who signed a contract with the team guaranteeing they remove the "interim" label next year if he wins 6 games, was just informed by the league that the contract no longer exists! Because they tore th...
Fog Slowly Lifting On NFL Steroid Scandal
Remember how yesterday it was reported that a whole bunch of Saints, including Deuce McAllister, tested positive for steroids, or steroid masking agents, or something else equally illegal? Well, the man on the scene Chris(t) Mortensen has learned himself a few names to go along with those allegatio...
Tony Zendejas Will Knock You Out, Take That Booty
If you're like me and start your morning off by going through court proceedings of sexual abuse cases - don't you dare judge me! - you tend to become desensitized by most of the testimonies regarding these brutal escapades. But when you read something like "the largest anal tear the medical examiner...
Pittsburgh Police Praise Santonio Holmes' Performance During Drug Bust
Some people might say it's foolish to smoke pot in your car, especially when you're driving it around with expired plates, but in Pittsburgh it's not what you do, it's how you react after being confronted with your misdeeds that matters. It seems that Steelers wide receiver Santonio Holmes made the ...
The Curious, Somewhat Icky Kellen Winslow Case Lurches Ahead
So to bring you up to speed here, Browns tight end Kellen Winslow says that he's been disrespected by his team; Cleveland general manager Phil Savage says Winslow has a big yap and deserved to be suspended; and everyone involved is airing their grievances through the media. Meanwhile, the Browns med...
Chris Johnson's Musical Stylings Not A Hit With NFL
I've always thought that the NFL was a bit stodgy when it came to their touchdown celebration policy; playing the Mr. Belding in the Saved By The Bell that is our nation's most popular televised sport. But that being as it is, there is a rule in place against end zone shenanigans, so the Titans' Chr...
The World Series Can Eat A Bag Of D—ks. Jamboroo, Week 8.
Drew Magary's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs, well, every Thursday afternoon during the NFL season. Drew's new book, "Men With Balls," featuring 100% new material, hits stores on Monday but is available online right now here. You can email Drew here. Read him during the week at KSK....
Tom Brady Isn't Doing So Hot
If you see Tom Brady this weekend, don't ask him about the knee! After finding out that his joints aren't made out of cotton candy and lollipops, doctors are worried about an infection that arose after his ACL reconstruction. They have now performed three separate procedures to try and fight it, and...
Larry Johnson Makes a Solemn Vow to Not Become Ike Turner
Chiefs running back Larry Johnson was deactivated again this week and addressed his latest lady-pestering incident with the media yesterday and seemed surprisingly contrite. We're so used to seeing troubled athletes mumble through scripted apologies for the sake of their career, it's a little jarrin...
'100 Percent Cheese Free' Apparently Not 100 Percent Nut Free
Meet Syd Davy, better known to Minnesota Vikings fans at 100 Percent Cheese Free (it's Rip The Packers Day, I guess). He was the subject of our About Last Night Wakeup Image this morning, and as promised here's an explanation as to what he was doing at the Patriots-Broncos Monday Night game. Don Cha...
Browns Suspend Kellen Winslow For Defending His Testicles
Can a team suspend a player for defending his own nether region? It appears that's exactly what the Cleveland Browns are doing with Kellen Winslow, and excuse me if I call them on their bullshit. On Monday Cleveland suspended Winslow for one game for "unwarranted, inappropriate, and unnecessarily di...
It's Obama And McCain ... AFTER DARK!
So over the weekend, the two candidates for President — Sen. Barack Obama, head of a Muslim sleeper cell, and Sen. John McCain, organizer of the first Hanoi chapter of the Ku Klux Klan — spoke at the Al Smith Dinner, a big Catholic charity event held in Manhattan right before the elections every y...
Switching Mikes In Midstream, The 49er Way
Well, here is your new face of the San Francisco 49ers. Initial thoughts? Aside from being totally hyp-no-tized, I have to say that it really couldn't be any worse than the old one. There was perhaps no coach in the NFL one wanted to see succeed more than Mike Nolan — really, has anyone ever had a b...
The Rather Remarkable Self Destruction Of Larry Johnson
Details continue to come out concerning Chiefs running back Larry Johnson and an altercation with a woman at a Kansas City nightclub on Oct. 10, and it's interesting, if depressing, reading. Already scheduled to appear in court on Dec. 3 on an assault charge for pushing a woman at a nightclub, Johns...
Um, What The Hell, Patriots Fans?
Sorry to start your day off on the wrong foot, but several people have sent this in; a fan at the Monday Night game in Foxboro last night purportedly wearing blackface. I guess that's what this is — a closer shot is shown following the jump — although I'm no expert on such matters. Would Ted Danson ...
Jay Cutler Out to Prove his Arm is Bigger Than His Mouth
Tonight, the Denver Broncos and mouthy quarterback Jay Cutler swagger into Foxboro and will attempt to frustrate the completely neutralized New England Patriots on their home field. Even though the Pats do not remotely resemble anything close to the juggernaut they were last year, they're still favo...