nfl Page 903 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Start Your Preparations For The Vick Media Onslaught
The most surprising news to come out of this Tim Dahlberg-penned update on the ongoing drama that is The Michael Vick Story is that he's scheduled to get out of jail next July. That's only 8 months away, people! Better start dusting off those old Ron Mexico jokes, post haste. You can't expect to hit...
NFL Week 11: What You Need To Know
Denver (5-4) at Atlanta (6-3). I wonder if Roger Goodell is still upset about Matt Ryan's 6-year, 72-million-dollar contract that the rookie from Boston College signed after being drafted third overall last April. Ryan has to be the frontrunner for Rookie of the Year honors, assuming the reins of an...
The Promising Backups That Paved the Way for Matt Cassel's Padded Bank Account
Continuing with our economic theme today, the market outlook seems awfully bullish for New England Patriots backup turned starter Matt Cassel. After his big time coming out party on Thursday night, in which Bill Simmons drunkenly compared him to John Elway, Cassel looks to have set himself up for qu...
The Packers Are One Step Closer to that Second Round Draft Pick
Last night's ridiculous Jets-Patriots battle in Foxborough turned out to be everything a football fan could hope for , with the requisite Favreian/Spygate intrigue thrown in for good measure. But even though Favre ended up on the winning end of things and played a mistake-free, efficient game, it wa...
Alright You Lowlifes, The Boy From Eastern Illinois Is Back
Just a handful of moments after announcing that Tony Romo would return to action this week, Jerry Jones puffed himself up and guaranteed that the Cowboys would make the playoffs. I believe the term he used is that they would "absolutely" be there. Also, Jones said that he would welcome back Pacman J...
Taste The Goodness Of Vicktory Dogs Wine
When I think of fine wine, I also think of dogs — who doesn't? Throw in Michael Vick, and you have an amusing little wine with a full-bodied locker room bouquet and just a hint of flea powder. Welcome to Carivintas Winery, a Southern California company which markets Vicktory Dogs Wine; 22 varieties ...
Welcome To The House Of Chads
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject : Morning crap Why do I get the feeling that this isn't the only room in Chad Johnson's home that is full of giant portraits of himself? In a move usually reserved for Latin American dictators or...
0-16 Is Upon Us. Jamboroo, Week 11, Featuring King Diamond, Poop, And Mongolian Wok
Drew Magary's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs, well, every Thursday afternoon during the NFL season. Drew's new book, "Men With Balls," featuring 100% new material, is available RIGHT FUCKING NOW in stores and online here. You can email Drew here. Read him during the week at KSK. The...
Ricky Williams Refuses to Hide from The Woman Trapped Inside Him
In the December issue of Playboy magazine, our buddy Pat Jordan penned an enormous profile on the ganja-toking, yoga-loving problem child, as he attempts to rejuvenate his NFL career with the Miami Dolphins. In the piece, we learn about his many quirks, his relationship with the mother of his two ch...
Kerry "the Crooning Cannon" Collins Is a Country Music Songwriter
Lost in the bedlam that has overtaken my hometown over the Titans 9-0 start and Kerry Collins becoming an MVP candidate is this fact: Kerry Collins has written a country song. Which is entertaining on several levels, but not nearly as entertaining as the title: "It's Not Hard to Be Happy When I'm L...
Terrell Owens, Comedian
I did not see last night's "Late Show with David Letterman" (so late!) so I missed this appearance by everyone's favorite vaudeville joke-maker and occasional wide receiver Terrell Owens. We also lost our copy of "Little T Learns To Share," but we think this Top Ten list sends pretty much the same m...
Understanding The NFL Fine System (Hint: You Can't)
Last week, New York Giants defensive end Justin Tuck was fined $7,500 for a hit that pretty much everyone on the planet—except for the referee who a threw a flag at him—agreed was a textbook tackle. The commissioner's office felt this was a perfectly reasonable response as part of its effort to prot...
There Are More Favres Around Than You Think, America
Yes, Dylan Favre here, a junior at St. Stanislaus High in Mississippi, is related to Brett Favre. He's a nephew, and evidently pretty good, for his size. Favre the Lesser set the state's single-season record for TD passes at 43 last week in his team's regular-season finale, throwing for five scores ...
The Patriots Public Relations Department Has Had a Busy Week
Poor Stacey James. Fresh off of the Caitlin Davis fiasco from last week, the Patriots executive director of PR has found himself answering more uncomfortable questions about persons loosely affiliated with the team. This week, it's Marblehead High School Coach, Doug Chernovetz (pictured), who was aw...
Barack Obama Will Not Take Away Your Ties Or Your Hair
I don't remember where I saw it, but about a year-and-a-half ago, in one of those "Hey, there's a cool black guy running for President!" stories, the writer posited that Barack Obama, if he were to somehow win (crazy!), would have something immediately in common with John F. Kennedy: He could destro...
Saying Farewell To The Tuba Man
Seattle is known for its characters, from the guy who waited in line outdoors for four months to see one of the Star Wars prequels, to artists who create giant freeway trolls, the city has always embraced the odd and the colorful. But one of those unique voices has been silenced, sadly. I used to se...
Ashley Stewart Sues Larry Johnson, Poses In Wetlands Area
As if Larry Johnson didn't have enough problems — he's returning to active duty this Sunday for the tragic factory fire that is the Kansas City Chiefs — now he's being sued. Johnson allegedly spit on this woman, Ashley Stewart, during an altercation in a Kansas City nightclub last month, so she's ta...
Time To Party With The 49ers And Cardinals
Only a couple of hours or so until Leitch's Arizona Buzzsaw square off against my San Francisco Forty-Niners, and the big question remains: Who will be the first tonight to remove his pants inappropriately, Matt Leinart or Mike Singletary? Judging from the photo, Matt gets the presumptive nod, espec...
Ha! I Can Never Be Tackl ... Ohhh, Mommy!
This youngster here is obviously a fan of the classic, straight-ahead running style of now-retired Dolphins running back Larry Csonka. Ouch. I should have listened to mom when she suggested beginning golf. The question is, which hit was bigger: This one, or the one levied by the Eagles' Chris Goc...
Suddenly, Tyler Thigpen Is So Much More Than Just a Skeleton-Molesting Nobody
The Kansas City Chiefs are mired in a classic rebuilding season but the last three weeks the team has shown remarkable improvement on offense, most notably third-string quarterback Tyler Thigpen. The former Coastal Carolina quarterback has responded with some eye-opening output in his last three gam...