nfl Page 905 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Blame the Wildcat: Favre Is a Wide Receiver and Fisher Is Skydiving...And McNabb Is Benched
Brett Favre learned everything he knows about playing wide receiver from an instructional book written in an obsolete vernacular. And for some reason Jeff Fisher decided to make his arrival at Friday's practice via parachute. Both teams have added field goals since we last checked in, making the sco...
Donovan Is Chilly Yet Stylish
Thanks to Christmas Ape for this screengrab of Donovan McNabb strutting his stuff on the sideline in his favorite oversized mittens. So far they don't seem to be working because the Eagles haven't been able to get it downfield, and the quarterback has thrown an interception. Philly and Baltimore ar...
The Jets Try To Steal Perfection From The Titans
Could today be the end of perfection for the Titans? Tennessee faces off against Favre and the Jets at 1:00 and it should be a doozy. Even with Favre's probable interceptions, the Jets should prove to be the Titans biggest challenge so far. For once I'll be rooting for the Jets, as perfection is bor...
Joey Porter Refuses To Stop Talking
Everyone's favorite batshit crazy linebacker, Joey Porter, has graced us with some words of wisdom yet again. In an interview with the South Florida Sun Sentinel, Porter pleads his case on behalf of Michael Vick and pit bulls. When asked if Vick should get a second chance, Porter replied: ...
Jets QB Not Named Favre Suspended For Violating Drug Policy
It is not a good week for back-up quarterbacks. First it was Florida, now the Jets. It seems that Jets Rookie QB Erik Ainge was suspended four games by the NFL on Friday for violating the league’s policy on steroids and related substances. It doesn't seem to be a huge loss for the team: ...
Seattle Sports Are Pretty Depressing Right Now
"Lorin “Big Lo” Sandretzky has gone through more than most. A former strip-club bouncer, he has been beaten and stabbed and watched three people die in his arms. He nearly died himself on three occasions during an emergency operation and won the lottery. In the last year, he had two additional emerg...
Fashion Choices Of The Damned, Brady Quinn's Pinky, And Cowher To The Browns?
• An Eagles Shirt? What? So Dieon Sanders interviewed Terrell Owens recently, and the conversation was shown during Thursday's halftime of the Steelers-Bengals game. Main question: Why is T.O. wearing an Eagles shirt? It's possible that Deion's incisive reporting skills ferreted out the answer, but ...
Richie Incognito Prefers Angry Boos To Quiet Indifference
Things are tough all over in St. Louis, what with the Rams playing out the string on a 2-8 season with the sinking realization that Jim Haslett is who we thought he was. Perhaps the only thing that could make it better is to have a nice public feud between players and fans over who is worse at their...
The Audacity Of Hope
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap With the economy in a tailspin and Congress ignoring the auto industry's bailout pleas, it seems only fitting that this is the year that the Lions make their most serious push towar...
Former Viking Would Very Much Like To Hit Brad Childress In The Head
Current Jaguars wideout Troy Williamson spent his first three seasons in the NFL angering Minnesota fans with his mediocre play and current Vikings coach Brad Childress spent his first two years angering Minnesota fans by putting him into games. Of course, all of this happened during the downtime wh...
Jamboroo, Week 12. Featuring: Fire-Eating Strippers, Hidden Poop Éclairs, and Pornographic Liechtensteinian Christmas Carols
Drew Magary's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs, well, every Thursday afternoon during the NFL season. Drew's new book, "Men With Balls," featuring 100% new material, is available right now in stores and online here, and makes a lovely Christmas gift for the chronic masturbator in your...
Dim-Witted Donovan McNabb Sick Of Talking About Dim-Wittedness
Obviously, I'm not happy about how things in Iggle-ville right now, but given my state of euphoria after a Phillies championship it's tough to get too angry about the dumbfounding dipshittery that has crippled this football team this year. Granted, the recent revelations about Donovan McNabb's compl...
The Return Of Pacman, Ocho Bencho, And 'At The Movies' With Tony Romo And A Homeless Guy
• Wait, Is That Pacman Jones' Entrance Music? Adam Pacman Jones is back — a fact which absolutely thrills this particular writer: "The NFL's poster child for foolish behavior is returning to the Cowboys. That's right, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell has reinstated Pacman Jones, giving him yet another...
You Too Can Book Will Smith And Tony Romo For Your Pep Rally
When I was living in South Lake Tahoe, Kevin Costner randomly showed up one day at South Lake Tahoe High to talk to the students in the drama department. He had filmed The Bodyguard at nearby Fallen Leaf Lake, and returned to the area occasionally for vacations. Something similar happened at Dallas'...
Bookie Mom's Big Day And Other Fallout From The Steelers-Chargers Debacle
Since football fans don't have much else to do between Monday and (now) Thursday nights, there's still plenty to talk about when it comes to that crazy Pittsburgh-San Diego game that changed the face of gambling sports for ever. Of course, just because we're talking about it, doesn't mean we're "tal...
Brett Favre And Jets GM Mike Tannenbaum's Broseph Love Is Boundless and Obscenity-Laden
The New York Jets were fired up after their victory over the dastardly Patriots last Thursday night and rightly so, considering all that was on the line. But no one was more excited than the ol' gunslinger, Brett Favre, who shared an unreserved embrace with Jets GM Mike Tannenbaum after the victory...
Chinese Democracy, 15 Years Down, Five Days To Go
Of all the Guns 'N Roses stories, the "Rocket Queen" one is my favorite. When "Appetite For Destruction" was recorded, the moaning sounds on the album's closer (which might be my favorite G'N'R song, actually), were captured while Adriana Smith, a 19-year-old stripper who had been dating drummer St...
Faltering Bills Encouraged By Female Makeout Session
First it was the man and woman getting it on in one of the restrooms, and now this ... as a couple of apparently hot chicks celebrate a Bills touchdown on Monday Night in their own special way. Who would have thought that Ralph Wilson Stadium would be the NFL's hot, sensual love palace? Just what el...
Monday Night Football Fever Is Not All You'll Catch
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap With staph infections running rampant in the NFL these days, it's nice of random fans to warn us of potential hazards. That's a rather nasty case of it under that Browns supporter's...
Monday Night Live Blog: Browns-Bills
Never before have so many Midwestern teams that aren't actually located in the Midwest been in one stadium at once! The disappointing Cleveland Browns and differently-but-equally disappointing Buffalo Bills will battle to the frigid death to see who's less disappointing team of all. It's going to be...