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Eagles at Bears: A UUGE Live Blog!
Donovan McNabb is playing, despite suffering a chest bruise. Kyle Orton is playing, despite a case of ineptitude. Devin Hester and Brandon Lloyd are both questionable. Dan Patrick and Keith Olbermann are both annoying. Hey, Keith, why the fuck are you still around? Is McCain playing in this game ton...
NFL Update 5: Casey Rabach Is Running Extra Laps On Monday
Washington 26, Dallas 24.Redskins had first and goal, scored, had the TD called back from a holding call on the center, scored again, had that score called back on another hold from the same guy! That guy was Casey Rabach. But so far, the 'Skins have done enough to lead in this game. UPDATE: Dallas ...
NFL Update 4: Oakland 15, San Diego 0. Seriously.
San Diego have endured a blocked field goal, a pick and a scary shot to the knee of their quarterback. The Raider defense has simply shut down this Chargers offense. Good news if you're playing against LT this week; Tomlinson has seven yards rushing through the half. Your one touchdown of the game b...
NFL Update 3: Hochuli Strikes Again
If you hate muscle-bound referees AND the helmet-to-helmet rule, you're about to get a two-fer. Ed Hochuli was banished to Charlotte for the Atlanta-Carolina game today, and didn't waste any time letting Panther fans know of his budding reputation. Turns out that Hochuli threw a flag on a hit that t...
NFL Update 2: Thrash Of The Titans
NY Jets 34, Arizona 7.Favre and Lavernaeus Coles are running away with this one. It helps that Kurt Warner suddenly seems to be allergic to the football. Hey, they sell Zyrtec over the counter now...Tennessee 20, Minnesota 10. Rob Bironas has two field goals and two extra points. Adrian Peterson has...
NFL Update: Thou Shalt Not Load Thy Box With 8 Men
Tennessee 13, Minnesota 7. The Titans think they're able to stop Purple Jesus. But Peterson already has 44 yards and one TD...NY Jets 21, Arizona 0. It's raining in this game. RAINING FAVRE! They're reviewing this last touchdown to Coles, perhaps to see if there was any illegal touching... Green Bay...
NFL Stuff You Need To Know This Weekend
News, notes and updates, delivered to you all at once, as you get ready for viewing Week 4 of the NFL. Please keep your hands and arms inside until you reach the end of the post. Carson Palmer is listed as the emergency QB this week, which means he won't play unless Nos. 1 and 2 go down. The move me...
Torry Holt Would Like to Apologize for Sucking
First Steven Jackson was totally not happy with Rams' head coach Scott Linehan's decision to bench Marc Bulger in favor of Trent Green. Former All Pro and now mediocre wide receiver Torry Holt is the latest to voice his displeasure with the whole situation. He just wants to play some football, "It w...
Elway Engaged To Former Raiderette
Former Denver Broncos superstar John Elway is engaged—to a former Raiders cheerleader. Traitor bastard! Paige Green, a 41-year-old that Elway met at a golf tournament three years ago, moved to Denver a year after she met the NFL Hall-Of-Famer. John presumably celebrated the engagement in typical Elw...
Seahawks Message Board Poster Succeeds In Creating Rivalry With The Giants, Fails As Human
On many occasions, team message board trash talk veers toward some very unpleasant depths, but some of the stuff being circulated on the popular Seahawks fan message board "Seahawks Huddle" right now has sparked an amazing amount of negative responses thanks to its unprecedented levels of classlessn...
Your Week 4 Jamboroo, Featuring Home Brewed Beer, RBBC Vultures, Sugar, Trader Joe’s, Cheap Trick, Bar Mitzvahs, And Gratuitous Cleavage
Drew Magary's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs, well, every Thursday afternoon during the NFL season. Drew's new book, "Men With Balls," released October 27th and featuring 100% new material, is available for pre-order here. You can email Drew here. Read him during the week at KSK. No...
Meanwhile, Down At The Arlington DMV ...
Sunday night can't get here soon enough for Washington Redskins fans, one of whom slipped this little gem past the ever-vigilant profanity watchdogs at his local Department of Motor Vehicles. The plates on his other car say "Assman." Elsewhere, noting that Terrell Owens is not in the NFL top 10 in e...
Celebrating the End Of The Millen-ium
Of all the Matt Millen farewell "tributes" we've come across this morning, Tirico Suave's video compilation, shown immediately following the jump, has to be the most intricate and heartfelt (make sure the volume is turned down if you're at work). Featuring not one, but two clips from Glengarry Glen ...
Matt Millen: Lonely Man With A Lawnmower
After a few hours of cautious speculation about Matt Millen's removal, it was finally revealed that Detroit Lions' owner William Clay Ford did actually have to fire him in the early hours of Tuesday morning. The Detroit Free Press has a surprisingly mesmerizing photo retrospective titled "The Matt M...
Feisty Merril Hoge Vows To Keep His Hatred Of Vince Young In Check
Yesterday, the swirling melodrama around Vince Young's crazy head reached another level when transcripts of Merril Hoge's interview with a Pittsburgh radio station circulated. Even though Hoge's Young-bashing has been evident since the quarterback entered the league, he went a little overboard this ...
Fire Millen Finally Becomes Reality; But Now What, Lions Fans?
Every legendary movement begins with one daring act of civil disobedience. As close as I can tell, the Fire Millen phenomenon began one crisp December day in 2005, when a fan was manhandled by stadium security for brandishing a "Fire Millen" sign during a home game with Minnesota. Had Lions official...
The Matt Millen Era Mercifully Ends In Detroit
It appears Bill Ford Jr.'s comments from a couple days ago were either not-so-subtle foreshadowing or they were taken under consideration by those who do have authority, because according to Fox Sports' Jay Glazer, Matt Millen, the Detroit Lions oft-criticized president and general manager, is offic...
'It's Just Al In The Darkness Now.' Tim Kawakami Discusses His Run-In At Raiders Headquarters
In The Princess Bride, Westley only had to make it through the Fire Swamp once. But San Jose Mercury reporter Tim Kawakami has to brave the danger that is the Oakland Raiders' Alameda headquarters on a regular basis, and that's much, much worse. It's not an easy job, but it's never boring. By now yo...
Broncos Embrace Their Glam Rock Heritage, Welcome Back Gary Glitter
Who knows where the city of Denver's love affair with Gary Glitter began? His song Rock and Roll Part II has been a staple of the Denver sports scene forever, and was most notably heard at Broncos games every time the team got into the end zone.Then Glitter was convicted of having sex with underage ...
Marc Bulger Benched For Foggy-Headed Trent Green, John "Toot Toot" Clayton Reports
This is just a terrible start of the season for (fantasy) starting quarterbacks isn't it? St. Louis Rams' coach Scott Linehan, desperately trying to save his job, has decided to bench the struggling Bulger this week in favor of Trent Green for this week's game against the Bills, ESPN.com says. Lineh...