nfl Page 912 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Jerry Jones Would Like To Take This Opportunity To Let Everyone Know That Ed Hochuli Has Sucked For A While
It's been a rough week for referee Ed Hochuli as The Worst Officiating Call In The History Of The NFL continues to get picked apart by football pundits, fans, and coaches. As pointed out yesterday, Hochuli has been busy apologizing to everyone for his botched whistle-blow in the Chargers/Broncos gam...
All Of The Lateral Flys In The World Could Not Make Ed Hochuli Feel Better Right Now
After Sunday's spastic whistle-blowing by big-armed referee Ed Hochuli cost the San Diego Chargers a victory in their shootout against Denver, the NFL has acted swiftly and strongly, downgrading the 19-year veteran for his error, which could impact his playoff game status and possibly his career. Th...
David Foster Wallace, The St. Louis Rams And You
Before we get started, I'd like to say something about David Foster Wallace. David Foster Wallace, Illinois' own, is the best writer I've ever read who I found completely unreadable. I don't mean his non-fiction stuff that had the benefit of editors who, strangely, had a desire for people who read ...
DeSean Jackson's End Zone Brainfartery Will Be Overlooked — For Now
Yes, last night was disappointing in many ways, but it has not completely killed my faith: I still like my team. If anything, last night's Eagles/Cowboys game proved that Donovan McNabb is fully-recovered and that DeSean Jackson, Philadelphia's own Barack Obama, is still on pace to be the greatest E...
Who's Sorry Now? Chris Cooley Edition
The nation is still buzzing over Wienergate; when Redskins tight end Chris Cooley posted a naked photo of himself — including shlong — on his personal blog over the weekend. This has caused much consternation at Clan Cooley; the photo was removed late Sunday, and now Chris has issued a mea culpa. It...
Another Unfortunate High Five-Related Injury
Being a white guy isn't easy, my friends. We can't dance, there's nothing but Coldplay on our iPods, and when we try to high-five during sporting events, there are often tragic results. Witness these Cowboy fans on Monday night, trying to celebrate following a routine pass completion in the second q...
Jay Cutler, Diabetic, Shills for McDonald's
The commercial was filmed in June of 2008 and has recently started airing on Denver television. This means the commercial was filmed after Cutler realized he had diabetes. The commercial combines the hilarity of the Coors Light press conference commercials (read:none) but adds an annoying little ki...
Kiffin And His 'Hang In There' Cat Poster Could Be Gone By Tonight
This is kind of a shocker even for Al Davis: Despite a solid win over Kansas City on Sunday, Lane Kiffin is reportedly as good as gone as head coach of the Raiders, perhaps as early as this week. The Chronicle's Nancy Gay says that it's going to be Rob Ryan taking over. And once again we're reminded...
When The Whistle Blows
Pity the poor secretary who trudges in to work this morning at the law offices of Jones, Skelton & Hochuli, P.L.C. in Phoenix. Being crushed by an avalanche of fax paper when you open the door is no way to die. Chargers fans spent Sunday evening posting Ed Houchli's work email and phone number all a...
Creative Ways to Cheat Your Way to Success Back at the Office
Over the weekend, we've been presented with numerous ways to succeed by circumventing unfair and inappropriate "rules" meant to hurt you and not others by not giving you everything you want immediately. As we close out this weekend, let us give you the tools used by sports teams across the globe so ...
The Sun Sets on Another NFL Sunday
Bill Parcells must be wondering what kind of store you have to shop at to come home with groceries like Larry Fitzgerald and Anquan Boldin. All he knows right now is that his roster of players from Publix just aren't going to get the job done. The Arizona pair racked up 293 receiving yards on 12 ca...
Surprise, Surprise: Terrell Owens is Once Again Acting Childish
The 2004 season in which Donovan McNabb and Terrell Owens teamed up to lead the Philadelphia Eagles to their first Super Bowl since 1980 was one of the greatest seasons my maligned city has seen in decades. Terrell Owns was a huge part of that and was beloved for it … before his real lunacy started ...
On to the Late Games
But first...how 'bout them Redskins! Getting back to business, we're blessed with five late games, and a couple of them don't even suck. Then there are the ones that feature the Dolphins, the Falcons, and the Niners. Regardless I'm giving them all the equal treatment (except for the Dolphins, becaus...
NFL Update: Week 2 Early Games Final
• Bears 17, Panthers 20- sigh. Jonathan Stewart scored his second TD with under four minutes left to secure the win. Oh, and a stalled Bears drive failed to bring them back. • Bills 20, Jaguars 16 - Trent Edwards (20-25, 239 yds.) charged back with 10 points in the fourth to steal the win. • Giants ...
NFL Update: Week 2 Third Quarter
• Bears 17, Panthers 13- Carolina rudely won't give up to the Neckbeard's superiority (17-23, 140 yards). Also: holding, Chicago. • Bills 10, Jaguars 16 - Maurice Jones-Drew scores a TD on a 74-yard drive for the Jaguars. • Giants 20, Rams 6 - Eli Manning: 17-26, 202 yds, 2 TDs, 86 commercials. Welc...
NFL Update: Week 2 Halftime
• Bears 10, Panthers 3- Both teams traded field goals in the second quarter. Matt Forte has 15 carries for 43 yards. • Bills 10, Jaguars 3 - Fred Jackson has four catches for 50 yards. • Giants 13, Rams 6 - Both teams traded field goals and then traded field goals again, including one at the half. E...
That's Why They Call It Special Teams
Chris Myers gave himself a water bukkake before the Bears-Panthers game. We're pretty sure we never need to see that again. In fact, we're stepping away in a moment to invent a time machine so we can step back in time to smash our television set just before it happened and then tell our self in the ...
OMG LT Is Down (Maybe)! Begin Looting Now!
Your Sunday morning NFL headlines to adjust your line... up of food for: • LaDainian Tomlinson's owie toe may keep him off the field (or, you know, not) for the Chargers' attempt to topple Denver down to sea level. Regardless, we require six in-depth profiles of his backups by Monday morning. After ...
Despite Concerns of 'Suicide' Talk, Vince Young Says He's 'Not Depressed'
The Vince Young saga rolls on as we head into week two of the NFL season. It went from Vince Young apparently refusing to go out on the field in the final moments of a game last weekend, to police frantically searching for him Monday night, to talk of Vince having uttered the word "suicide" while ha...
We Find Ourselves Rather Disliking Ike
Galveston, Houston and much of the Gulf Coast stay in lockdown mode this morning, waiting still to assess the human and structural damage as Hurricane Ike, freak storm that it appears to be, drags a huge storm surge over the Texas coast. However, we do have a preliminary assessment of the effect on...