nfl Page 944 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
While at a Denver-area restaurant, John Elway was cut off from alcohol after the restaurant manager claimed he tried to order his eighth glass of wine. Even if he had seven glasses, he still would have been able to legally drive at least 98 yards on streets in the Cleveland area. [Rocky Mountain New...
Brett Favre Embodies The Tecmo Bowl Pass Play
I'd assume that a Tecmo Bowl Byron Leftwich would keep cycling through his receivers with the B button until someone sacks him....
Please Come Grace The Dolphins With Your Star Wattage
This story is from last week, but we somehow missed it, probably because we were so distracted by the Jason Taylor Robot that's intent on enslaving all our women. Turns out, the Dolphins, who are off to somewhat of a slow start, are paying celebrities to come to their games. Well, they're trying to....
Jamboroo, Week 9: The Budding Legend Of Derek "Horse Balls" Anderson
Big Daddy Drew's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo previews the upcoming weekend of the NFL every, well, every Thursday afternoon....
Who's Sorry Now? Naked Coach Edition
If there's one thing you learn as a kid, it's that you never apologize for your Halloween costume. Hey, it's Halloween ... shit happens. Just ignore the critics and move on. But now Detroit quarterback Jon Kitna says he is very sorry for dressing as naked assistant Lions coach Joe Cullen, and would ...
Raiders Fans Would Rather Look Elsewhere, Thank You
It's not easy being a Raiders fan. First off: What goes with black? Seriously! It's also difficult to find time to cheer, what with all the drinking of infant's blood. And worst off, the Raiders' lousy game with the Texans this Sunday happens to be at the same time as The Most Important Battle Betwe...
Why Steroids Make You Strong And More Famous
Just in case anyone forgot: Rafael Palmeiro tests positive for a steroid and an entire Hall of Fame career is destroyed. Rick Ankiel is prescribed HGH by a doctor when it's neither illegal nor banned by baseball, and he's a disgrace to the story we all once admired. Jaguars defensive end Marcus Stro...
Oldest Living NFL Player Passes On
This handsome, rambunctious gentleman is Sam Dana, a former college football player for Columbia who died yesterday at the age of 104. He was the oldest living former professional player....
The Only Time Jon Kitna Has Ever Been Naked In Public
We're a little behind on this, but it's awfully amusing, particularly because it's Halloween. Lions quarterback Jon Kitna apparently has a better sense of humor than you might have thought....
Oh, No, You Didn't Forget About Jeff, Did You?
If it's almost November, that can only mean one thing: Time for Jeff George's annual desperate plea to come back to the NFL!...
Ricky Williams Will Meditate With You
In case you were wondering how Ricky Williams is keeping himself busy these days, he is of course indulging his true passion. No, not that passion: The other one....
The Patriots Are Just Tempting Fate
As the above video shows, with all the hatred directed at the Patriots right now — the batshit nuts Easterbrook type, and other more planetary notions — we're legitimately surprised no one has gone after Tom Brady's knees yet. (KSK might have been the first with this idea.) We would never advocate s...
Peter King Is Quite Mad, You Know
In case you weren't aware, the biggest rivalry in sports is not the Red Sox-Yankees. It's the Patriots vs. the Colts! A rivalry as old as sports itself! First fought with leather helmets when players had part-time jobs as dock workers! So says Peter King, and if he writes it, it must be true....
Seriously, They Still Use The Term "Gunslinger"
Leave it to Monday Night Football to take a vintage Brett Favre moment, his overtime game-winning touchdown over the Broncos last night, and turn it into yet another exercise in overpromotion....
At Last, A Competitive October Game In Denver
Well, if the World Series sweep had one benefit, at least there's not going to be a massive traffic jam in Denver tonight. There's that....
Packers Fans Are The Best
Honestly, there just aren't many sports fans like Packers fans. Their devotion extends to sacred bonds of marriage....
The World's Most Dangerous Hall Monitor
It must be frustrating to have once played in the NFL, making millions of dollars, and now being forced to work as a Dallas hall monitor just so you can maybe have a tiny shot at coaching someday. Lots of investment with little potential payoff. But you never know. But the one thing you can't do, wh...
Sorry: You Just Can't Do This
A tip for all you kids out there still undecided about your Halloween costume: Just because Michael Vick is going to jail doesn't mean you can dress up in blackface....
Nothing Better Than Sports Bar Trash Talk
The Mighty MJD's Smorgasbord runs every Monday. Do enjoy....