nit Page 183 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Canucks Ban Video Games On Road Trips, Because <i>Fortnite</i> Is Well On Its Way To Ruining The NHL
The Vancouver Canucks are a young team, so like seemingly all young men, their players are obsessed with Fortnite. They love it. Can’t get enough of it. Flossing and shit when they score goals. (So: rarely.) Locking themselves in their hotel rooms and gaming until the sun comes up, instead of the ti...
Ohio State Beat Penn State Thanks To The Season's Worst Play Call
Penn State running back Miles Sanders had just 45 rushing yards on 15 carries heading into the final play of Saturday’s Ohio State-Penn State thriller. But with the Nittany Lions facing a fourth-and-five just outside of field goal range, down 27-26 with a little over a minute to play, PSU coach Jame...
Let's Remember Some Guys: Treasure Trove Guys Volume IV
What a world, what a world. How, you might wonder, is someone to live in a world like this one, all crumbling and cruel and forsaken and loud? It’s a great question and honestly buddy I’ve got nothing for you there. But I can tell you this much: if you have in your possession a box full of random ol...
Some Types Of Pain Are More Valuable Than Others
It’s both a truism and true that politics is about power, how it’s used and who it’s used against. But politics are also about the business of pain—about which individuals and which communities bear how much and at what cost, and so implicitly whose pain is worth more than others. Everyone lives in ...
Manitoba Admits It Got Conned, Gives Up On Winnipeg's CFL Stadium Ever Actually Paying For Itself
Build a stadium!, they say. It’ll pay for itself! It’ll spur economic development in the surrounding neighborhood! It never does. For every single city/county/state/province that falls for it, eventually there comes the moment when they have to admit they got bamboozled. It’s Manitoba’s turn now....
Fastest Shed Crushes Fastest Shed's Speed Record
Imagine you are in a small building. The building has wheels. The building can move—vroom, vroom. The building has an engine that has recently exploded and resulted in months of mechanical issues afterward. Now imagine that you are in this building and you are making it do what Kevin Nicks did on S...
Paul Pogba And José Mourinho's Relationship Is Rapidly Deteriorating
When last we updated you on the fraught situation between Manchester United manager José Mourinho and his star player Paul Pogba, the two parties were slamming their team’s performance this weekend and low-key (or in Pogba’s case, explicitly) blaming one another for the loss. In just a few short day...
Bad Soccer Men Try And Thankfully Fail To Beat The Hell Out Of Referee
A soccer match from earlier this month between Indonesian clubs Persegres Gresik United and Persiwa Wamena exploded into chaos when a few players who took issue with a controversial penalty call sought to communicate their dissatisfaction to the ref by beating his ass:...
Mourinho And Pogba Agree That Manchester United Suck, But Disagree On Who Is To Blame
If there’s good news to come from Manchester United’s home draw against newly promoted Wolverhampton on Saturday, it’s that José Mourinho and Paul Pogba agree on what the problem is. If there’s bad news to come from that good news, it’s that Mourinho and Pogba more or less think it’s the other one’s...
Jay Novacek's Kid Says He Suffered Severe Brain Damage From Fraternity Hazing Incident At Oklahoma
Football fans of a certain age will remember Jay Novacek as the infuriatingly dependable third-down target of Troy Aikman on those dominant Cowboys teams of the mid-90s. Novacek retired from football in 1997. His son, Blake Novacek, was also pursuing a career in sports—sports broadcasting, to be exa...
Here’s Every Goal In Manchester United Women’s 12-0 Rout
Manchester United formed a women’s team again this year, thirteen years after the club disbanded its previous women’s squad. The team won its first game and lost its second in the FA Women’s League Cup. Today United played its first game in the FA Women’s Championship, the new second-tier league in ...
Wil Myers Is Sorry For Complaining About Padres Manager Andy Green On A <i>Fortnite</i> Stream
The San Diego Padres have been out of contention since—well, since 2011, so it makes sense that the team would have nothing more interesting going on in September than a Fortnite-adjacent kerfuffle involving a player and his manager....
Manchester United Fans Went Full Arsenal With This Fly-Over Banner
Manchester United are not having a great season so far. They’ve managed to earn just three points in their first three games, manager José Mourinho is reaching a breaking point, and Graeme Souness is getting the dog whistle out early....
José Mourinho Is Still Talking That Good Shit
Look, I don’t know how much time he has left as the manager of Manchester United, and so I am begging you to enjoy José Mourinho in full Meltdown Mode while you still can. It really is one of the greatest shows in sports....
Prisoners Of War Can't Be Treated Like Most Prisoners<em></em>
This piece is part of a recurring series that aims to be a complete guide to the laws of war. You can read previous entries here....
Whenever José Mourinho Faces Pressure, He Brings Up A World Crisis
On Monday, Manchester United manager José Mourinho stormed out of a press conference after his squad fell to Tottenham, 3-0. “3-0,” he said. “But also mean, three Premierships, and I’ve won more Premierships alone than the other 19 managers together.” He kept saying “respect” as he walked off stage....
Lucas Moura Cooking Chris Smalling Is A Metaphor For Tottenham's Spanking Of Man United
It takes a firm lashing of José Mourinho’s asscheeks to get him to walk into a press conference and opine about international humanitarian crises before storming out of the room while doing an unironic Birdman impression, and that’s exactly what Tottenham administered to Mourinho’s Manchester United...
Jose Mourinho Storms Out Of Press Conference, Appears To Be Losing It
Tottenham crushed Manchester United with a comprehensive 3-0 victory at Old Trafford this afternoon, handing the Red Devils their second loss out of the first three Premier League games. United manager Jose Mourinho—who’s coming off a tumultuous offseason and has a tendency to see his clubs implode ...
DeAndre Yedlin Assists On Newcastle Equalizer (Yay), Scores Chelsea Game-Winner (Oof)
DeAndre Yedlin—just too old to be considered one of the American wonderkids, but still a promising youth—played a crucial role in Chelsea’s 2–1 victory over Newcastle Sunday, scoring the decisive goal in the 88th minute to punctuate a dominant Chelsea performance. Tragically, Yedlin plays for Newcas...
Dimitar Berbatov's Arrogant, Curse-Filled Breakdowns Of His Old Goals Are Wonderful
Many players have scored more goals than Dimitar Berbatov, but few have scored as many flatly stunning ones, or done so with the flair and insouciance that made nearly every one of his goals legitimately preposterous. It was preposterous that any human body could, as a simple matter of physics, exec...