nit Page 203 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Canadians Angry After Being Told They Smell Like Maple Syrup
In Monday’s writeup of Canada’s baseball team defeating the United States in the Pan American Games, I made some jokes at the expense of the gold-medal winners. Specifically, I said they suck and probably smell like maple syrup. Tuesday, I followed up with a recap of Canada’s gold in women’s basketb...
A Whole Lot Of Leeds And Eintracht Frankfurt Fans Beat Up On Each Other
It’s that time of the year again, when Europe’s teams have commenced their preseason programs to prepare for the upcoming campaign. Fans, too, are using their teams’ friendlies to tune up their brawling skills, as we witnessed yesterday when Leeds United and Eintracht Frankfurt fans got to scrapping...
Canada Wins Gold In Women's Basketball But Who Cares
Canada, the moose-humping failed state to the north, won gold in women’s basketball at the Pan Am Games after beating the United States 81-73 Monday night. Whatever, hosers....
USA Rugby cut former captain Todd Clever from its Pacific Nations Cup squad for “multiple squad conduct violations.” Know any more? Email us at [email protected]. [USA Rugby]...
This Is Not Efficient Basketball
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Take That, Cuba!
Clint Dempsey put the U.S. up 1-0 on a defection-ravaged Cuban team in the fourth minute of today’s Gold Cup quarterfinal in Baltimore. ...
Sad Little Man Utd Fan Is Just Bawling Over Robin van Persie Transfer
Aww, there there little Louis. When we imagined Manchester United fans crying over Robin van Persie’s impending move to Turkey, we thought they’d be tears of joy. Chin up, kid. The Memphis Depay era should be a good one....
USA Score, Finally, As Dempsey Puts Yanks Up 1-0 On Haiti
A thus-far uninspired performance by the U.S. has, at least, resulted in a goal and once again it’s Clint Dempsey who scored to put his side up 1-0 on Haiti in tonight’s Gold Cup match at the Patriots’ stadium in Foxborough. Let’s not let Deuce take all the credit, though he’s certainly earned it th...
Sentient Lacrosse Stick/Kicker Trolls Big Ten, Commits To Penn State
This here is Quinn Nordin, and today he committed to Penn State. Below, you’ll find a video he and a friend put together announcing his commitment, set to “Coming Home.” It makes no real sense in the first place—he’s from Michigan—and involving some sort of small, fixed-wing aircraft makes it even m...
Cup Check!
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Dear Jon Stewart: Thanks For The Ride, Motherfucker
Good day to you, Jon Stewart. I never thought my first Dear Jon letter would explode with expletives, but ever since you, puckish fake newsman, hit what used to be called the small screen with your volcanic potty mouth and flagrant disregard for FCC regulations, you managed to disable just about eve...
Jesse Lingard Volley <i>Golazo</i> Downs Sweden
Manchester United’s Jesse Lingard rocketed a volley off a corner clearance to deliver an 85th-minute winner for England against Sweden today in U-21 Euro tournament action....
Director Of Terrible FIFA Movie Rues His New Rep As A Propaganda Man
Frédéric Auburtin had the misfortune of directing the colossal flop that was United Passions, the movie about and paid for by FIFA. And while directing an awful movie itself can usually be brushed off pretty easily, the recent scandal has inflicted lasting scars on Auburtin’s reputation, as he expla...
Wheat Beers Can Be Awesome
For a variety of reasons both valid and otherwise, wheat beers don’t always get a ton of respect or even attention from the Craft Beer Movement’s™ leading blowhards, cheerleaders, and listiclers. The category’s association with the high-end Anheuser-Busch InBev and MillerCoors brands are likely its ...
Shirtless Richie Incognito Shows Up At Kenny Chesney Concert
Country-music terrorist Kenny Chesney took a break from performing in the summer of 2014, which was a relief to the people who had to clean up the garbage left behind by drunk idiots at his concert at Heinz Field. This year, Chesney returned to Pittsburgh, and new Bills lineman Richie Incognito was ...
Southend Win League Two Playoff Final With Bonkers Finish
Despite being down 1-0 with just 20 seconds of added time remaining in extra time, Southend United earned promotion to England’s League One thanks to some magic at Wembley Stadium....
Phil Jones Falling Down Chasing The Ball Is A Blast In Extreme Slow-Mo
Manchester United drew 1-1 with Arsenal yesterday in a battle of clubs fighting for third place in the Premiership, and the desire to win drove Man United defender Phil Jones to the ground in search of a ball that was just a bit too elusive—no matter how much crawling it took. But even from his hand...
When You're Playing FIFA And Your Controller Breaks
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England Has Been Invaded By Giant Insects
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