nit Page 247 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Man U And Chelsea Won't Be Playing Today
As English Premier League games go, Man U/Chelsea is big. Man U's in first. Defending champion Chelsea's three points behind in fourth....

Joe Paterno Wants You To Speak Up, Sonny
Paterno called into a Tampa radio station from his Jitterbug. It did not go well....

Were The Alleged Kissing Ladies At The Nebraska/TCU Game Trying To Send The World A Message?
Nebraska's basketball beat TCU 70-56 yesterday [ESPN]. Afterwards, there was some rough-housing in the TCU locker room [Star-Telegram]. Both irrelevant. What's relevant is an email from tipster Quinn that arrived at 7:43 p.m. yesterday....

Would Manchester United Fans Kindly Stop Calling Arsene Wenger A Pedophile?
This post, written by Richard Gilzene, is republished with permission from The Spoiler. Go there often if you like soccer stuff....

Burmese Dictator Wanted To Buy Manchester United
Testament to their self-styled reputation as the world's most popular club, Manchester United have been name checked in that there WikiLeaks scandal currently enjoying many a column inch in the "proper" papers....

Pink Blackberry Cover Girl Is Not Jen Patterson, Jen Patterson Says
I-Team mystery solved. Please have the report on my desk by noon tomorrow. [JenPatterson's Twitter]...

Who Is Pink Blackberry Cover Girl?
Upon seeing the photo from this morning's Wake Up Deadspin post about Chicago Blackhawk John Scott beating Kings enforcer Kevin Westgarth into bloody submission, astute reader Anarchy Salad posed a very interesting scenario....

Please Help Us Track Down Lisa Ripi, The "Jets' Muscle" In The Favre Massage Incident
Lisa Ripi is a personal trainer/acupuncturist who works, or worked, for the New York Jets. According to sources, she oversaw the massage therapists at Jets camp in 2008. She knew about Favre's texts, we're told, and urged the therapists to do nothing....

Bebe Scores A Couple Of Beauties For United (Reserves)
This post, written by Josh Burt, is republished with permission from The Spoiler. Go there often if you like soccer stuff....

It Looks Like Soccer Player Rio Ferdinand Got Stone-Cold Fisted The Other Day
I shudder to even post this, as the nil-nil Man U vs. Man City match from earlier in the week should produce triple-digit variations of the "Me hate soccer; they no score a lot" line....

Auburn Pep Rally Turns Into Sappy Sing-A-Long
Things have been a little contentious at Auburn the last few days, so at a pep rally last night, the community decided the best show to show solidarity and focus on their championship aspirations, and not the current unpleasantness, was a sing-a-long....

BREAKING: No-Pants Guy In Vikings Organization Is Not Dennis Polian, Polian's Attorney Says
We have it on good authority that the individual above with the spooky glare and the compression shorts is NOT Dennis Polian. Here's why:...

Deadspin I-Team: Find The No-Pants Guy In The Vikings Organization
Hello, I-Team. Today's case involves this pantless gentleman you see before you. Who is he? Where are his pants? Why is he staring daggers at Chilly? Seriously, where are his pants?...

Small-Business Owner Does Not Appreciate Young Turk Messing With His Bushes
When you have a row of bushes in front of your shop, you want them to look pristine. A well-tended exterior shows your business is also well-tended. It's understandable you'd be upset if skateboarders repeatedly fucked with your shit....

Penn State Fans Mistake Halloween Costume For Michigan Gear, Kick Guy's Ass
Four PSU fans mistook another man's blue-and-yellow costume for UMich colors, and broke his nose at Beaver Stadium. They also bought a dude in a zombie costume a drink, thinking he was Joe Paterno. [Centre Daily Times]...

Chicharito Comes To The Rescue For Manchester United (Again)
Last night the Mexican came off the bench in the final ten minutes against Wolves to drag a lackluster United side through the Carling Cup quarter finals....

Deadspin I-Team: Rangers Fan Perxtraordinaire
I've contemplated it for the better part of a day and have decided to press forward: People of Texas, on behalf of commenting/emailing Deadspin Nation, I implore you to share anything, and everything, you can about Miss Bounces-in-Red....

Balaclava-Clad Man United Mob Lays Siege To Wayne Rooney’s House, Makes Death Threats
The following is a special presentation of The Spoiler. Wayne Rooney signed a new deal with Manchester United today, however, news of what transpired last night is juicy, funny, a little frightening, and could hold the reason for his change of heart....

Boy, I Bet This Fan Regrets Threatening Wayne Rooney's Life Now
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Phillies Fan Puking On The Field Is Definitely Puking On The Field
Brian posted this in Wake Up yesterday, but this needs to be seen again and pored over like the Zapruder Tape. Let's theorize, shall we?...