nit Page 256 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Penn State Will Sue Your Elementary School Back To The Stone Age
Hold on there, Conway Elementary School seventh-grade flag football team. Not another step. Your logo is infringing on the intellectual property rights of Penn State University, and must be removed from all t-shirts, school binders and backpacks. Here are a team of copyright lawyers to make sure you...
The Big Ten Network Needs All The Good PR It Can Get
We remember, back in March of this year, when we constantly railed against Major League Baseball's desire to put its Extra Innings package only on DirectTV, the masses rose up, and the uproar was so deafening that MLB couldn't help but notice, even way up there in their castle in the skies. (It floa...
JoePa Demands A Job Done Right
If we had our way, Joe Paterno would coach Penn State until the end of time. If the Lord ever decides, misguidedly, to take JoePa, we hope his ghost patrols the sidelines until all the players are wearing rocket packs. Because he's our type of guy....
In America It's Deviant, In the UK It's Cheeky
It turns out that Wayne Rooney isn't Manchester's only star player with a serious jonesin' for the pros. I can hardly blame the guy for setting up an orgy, he must have a ton of pent up energy what with not playing due to suspension and all, but did the over-sexed superstar (/fuckhead) really have t...
About Last Night...
What you missed while welcoming hip hop back from the dead vacation... • Baseball: Scott Baker took perfection into the ninth against the Royals. The Big Lead is still engorged. • Football: Michael Strahan surprised nobody when he decided to return to the Giants. Jean's gotta get paid. • Boxing: Sha...
To Watch Tonight
What to watch as the father, son and the holy ghost catch the last train for the coast ... • Cycling: Tour de France, stage 9, Val-d'Isere to Briancon, France. Can you deal with Enhanced Prime? [Versus] • WNBA: Minnesota at Connecticut; Seattle at Phoenix. The excitement is palpable. [ESPN2] • MLB: ...
WooHoo! We Have A Big Gold Cup!
On the strength of a ridiculously good volley off the foot of someone named Benny Feilhaber, the United States men's soccer team continued their ownership of Mexico today, winning 2-1 and bringing home the CONCACAF Gold Cup....
An Unspectacular Arsenal
Bad news for Arsenal fans ... in fact, bad news for all Premiership fans. Thierry Henry is taking his nifty feet and moving to Barcelona. With the move, Arsenal now seems like just another team while Barcelona inspires thoughts of, "Holy Christ, look at that line-up."...
LeBron James vs. Tony Soprano
It is the choice of the weekend for sports fans who are also Sopranos fans: From 9-10 p.m. ET, do you watch Game 2 of the NBA Finals or do you watch the series finale of "The Sopranos?"...
Nice Pitching, You Blockhead
Look, there's probably no tougher job in baseball than that of closer. But that being said, it's hard to imagine someone failing at it in more spectacular fashion than did the Giants' Armando Benitez last week. The Giants had a one-run lead in the ninth against the Mets on May 29 when Benitez was br...
Mark Cuban Has A Thing For Girdle Pads
Finally, a pro football league with second-rate players which plays on Friday nights in places like San Antonio and Sacramento. It's like someone has been recording our dreams!...
JoePa Will Put Your Ass To Work
We love Joe Paterno. Whereas many coaches would discipline their players for a campus fight by suspending them or — more likely — not doing anything at all, the Penn State legend is forcing them to clean the inside of the stadium....
Welcome, Jezebel: Turn To The Worship Of Her God Baal
The classy, bombastic lovely ladies seen here are the editors of the newest site from our benevolent benefactors at Gawker Media, Jezebel, which launched today. The basic premise of the site is mapped out in a manifesto about the five biggest lies that women's magazines spew. Personally, we've alway...