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<em>What To Expect When You're Expecting</em> Makes Me Want To Get A Vasectomy
My wife and I love kids—we just don't want to have any of our own. That shouldn't be a big deal, but sometimes other people sure act like it is. There have been a few too many instances when my wife and I have been around other folks' babies and the inevitable question comes up: "When are you two go...

24-Year-Old Finance Guy Asks All His Dates To Complete A Creepy Survey Afterward
Last month, we brought you a finance guy's way-too-detailed spreadsheet of the ladies he met on Match.com. A reader who enjoyed that post then passed along this survey she received from a man she briefly dated in Philadelphia....

Is Not Good For Me. <em>The Dictator</em>, Reviewed.
1. There's a scene toward the end of The Dictator when you can see, finally, why Sacha Baron Cohen decided to wrap a whole movie around Admiral General Aladeen, the ruthless, clueless dictator of fictional country Wadiya. Without giving away any plot details, Aladeen is speaking to the United Nation...

Rex Ryan Is Not (As) Fat
That's him at a Jets charity function over the weekend. Holy shit....

Sacha Baron Cohen Doesn't Know You're Tired of Him
One of the surest signs you've become a successful comedian is that a lot of people absolutely can't stand your shtick. When you're starting out in standup or as a performer, you're desperate to get noticed, but you also have the time to hone your act and experiment and figure out your unique thing,...

Coach Eric Taylor Wants To Ask You Something
This Friday Night Lights supercut would appear to encompass some 42 percent of the show's entire dialogue, but that's a rough, unscientific estimate on our part. Maybe Mike Leach contribute some new lines for the movie script....

CBC's Ron MacLean Attempts Tortured Comparison Of Hockey Players To 9/11 First Responders, Fails
CBC host Ron MacLean opened tonight's coverage of the Stanley Cup playoff Game Six bout between the Capitals and Rangers with an extended and tortuous metaphor claiming the players were "like firefighters, like police officers," and throwing in 9/11 references....

Tim Burton Bottoms Out. <em>Dark Shadows</em>, Reviewed.
1. How was there ever a time that we considered Tim Burton weird? He certainly isn't weird now—give this guy a slight haircut and he's essentially an insurance salesman—but in retrospect, knowing the bloated, self-satisfied cookie-cutter hack Burton turned out to be makes one wonder what all the exc...

How Bobcat Goldthwait Became A True Artist Of Independent Cinema. (Seriously.)
Bobcat Goldthwait, in almost every possible fashion, belongs on the list of those creatures who could only have come of celebrity age in the '80s, along with Emmanuel Lewis, Grace Jones, and Dr. Ruth. When the highlight of your popularity is that you were the star of the second through fourth Police...

RIP Adam Yauch, Indie Film Hero
In January, Bingham Ray died. A lot of moviegoers probably wouldn't have recognized his name, but if they loved independent film in the 1990s, they knew his work. The co-founder of October Films, Ray had helped distribute movies by Mike Leigh (Life Is Sweet, Secrets & Lies, Topsy-Turvy), Lars von Tr...

Ducks Captain Ryan Getzlaf Apparently Challenged A Nightclub Full Of Finns To A Fight
Reasonable hockey fans have spent much of the past week sticking up for Alexander Radulov and Andrei Kostitsyn of the Nashville Predators. Barry Trotz benched both forwards for game three of the Western Conference semifinals after they missed curfew, and then he benched them again for game four. It ...

The Perfect Comic-Book Movie. <em>The Avengers</em>, Reviewed.
1. The Avengers is a superhero movie so fun, full of so much pure fanboy-wank joy wrapped up in an accessible, relentlessly entertaining package, that I'm not sure anybody needs to make any more comic-book movies; this one might wrap it up. (One suspects they'll still find a way.) Made by and for—bu...

What Movies From the '90s Will Critics Include In <em>Sight & Sound</em>'s Top 10 (AKA The Only Poll That Matters)?
These days, there are so many film polls and online Top 10 lists that the idea of ranking movies can seem rather old hat. But amid all that list-bait, there is one movie poll taken more seriously than all others: Sight & Sound's once-a-decade poll of the greatest films of all time. The British film ...

Matt Hendricks's Hit On Ryan McDonagh Was Playoff Hockey At Its Best
We say it all the time: the Stanley Cup Playoffs are the best postseason in sports. Tonight's Capitals-Rangers game is headed to the second overtime, a fitting outcome in this year's OT-happy postseason, but the extended game hasn't dialed down any of the intensity....

The Worst Summer Movies: The Ones Your Mom Will Like
Somewhere in the world, maybe in a dusty old rotting liberal-arts faculty lounge, maybe in the office where they make that McSweeney's-Grantland Quarterly thing, someone is really excited about The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel. It's a "light" comedy opening Friday that stars Judi Dench, Bill Nighy, Ma...

Joss Whedon: Revenge Of The Nerd
Five years ago, Joss Whedon's career wasn't going so well. The man behind the TV shows Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel had recently written and directed Serenity, a big-screen version of his short-lived series Firefly. It was his feature directing debut, and it was a commercial disappointment. No...

This Guy Bet On The Clippers When They Were Down Big And Turned $75 Into $41,000
We love when the house loses. Nothing brought us more joy than seeing a Vegas patron get 999/1 odds on the Cardinals when they were seemingly out of the race in Mid-September, then cashing in big time. So while the Clippers, down by as many as 27 to Memphis in game 1 on Sunday, couldn't offer odds t...

Maybe The Marlins Just Suck
There's a numbers-heavy post up on Fish Stripes today suggesting that the 8-14 Marlins are due for a regression and an improvement. Let me make this counterargument: they're not. They might just suck....

That Fan Who Hugged Luis Suarez Treated The Crowd To A Great Big Wanking Motion Before Mooning Everybody
On Saturday, we showed you footage of Liverpool's Luis Suarez clinching a hat trick by scoring from 45 yards out against Norwich City. Some 30 seconds into that clip, you might have noticed what looked like a fan in street clothes making his way onto the pitch to hug Suarez. What you see above is ...

Colin Fraser Came To Regret Starring In Madonna's "Like A Prayer" Video
The eight-seeded L.A. Kings jumped out to a 1-0 lead in their series against St. Louis with a 3-1 win continuing a remarkable streak of success that suggests maybe fan favorite Jack Johnson, jettisoned in a trade to Columbus near the deadline, was more clubhouse cancer than Brushfire Fairytale....