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John Cusack In A Goatee? Quoth The Raven: Meh.
John Cusack is one of those actors whom everybody likes. He was a consistently enjoyable presence in '80s films like Better Off Dead and Sixteen Candles, and he won the hearts of a generation of young women by being the most sensitive man ever in Say Anything. Since then, he's been an indie staple (...

This Is The Face Of A Hockey Player
Veteran Panthers center John Madden took friendly fire in the first period of last night's Game 7 matchup with New Jersey last night, leaving bits of himself on the ice and suffering the sort of injury that generally knocks most other athletes out of competition. Most other athletes, of course, are...

Jack Black Has Overdosed On Himself
There is a moment, I think, when an actor's persona becomes so chiseled and locked-in that it's impossible to accept that person as an actor anymore; he's a movie star now, and that's all he will ever be again. This is not to say this movie star cannot be effective in a film; Tom Cruise hasn't been ...

<em>Scenes From a Marriage</em>, But Longer And With Fart Jokes. <em>The Five-Year Engagement</em>, Reviewed.
1. There are several long stretches in which The Five-Year Engagement is the polar opposite of what anyone would consider "romantic" or "comedy." Jason Segel has always had a tinge of self-aggrandizing self-pity in his characters—the ones he plays, the ones he writes, and both—but for swaths of The ...

What <em>The Avengers</em> Means For The Future Of Comic-Book Movies
Tomorrow, Marvel's The Avengers will open in certain parts of the globe—not the U.S., which won't see the film until May 4—and Marvel's four-year odyssey of laying the groundwork for this action blockbuster will finally be over. It's been an impressive run commercially, if not always critically. (Ca...

ESPN Writer Has <em>The Protocols Of Zion</em> On His Bookshelf
Late last week, ESPN's MMA writer Franklin McNeil appeared on an ESPN.com video previewing the big UFC pay-per-view fight between Jon Jones and Rashad Evans. In the video, McNeil talked about the bout while sitting in front of his bookshelf at his home. Clever D.I.Y. stagecraft! (Just a few weeks ag...

John Tortorella Uttered Just Six Words During His Entire Media Session Yesterday
"No." "I don't know." "Both." "Good?" The complete exchange of questions and, um, answers lasted for 26 seconds. [WSJ]...

Fox Sports Announcer Thinks He Is Interviewing Canucks' Ryan "The Guzzler" Kesler But Is Really Interviewing Kevin Bieksa
Noted troublemaker Kevin Bieksa of the Vancouver Canucks did a number on poor Mike Dunsmore of Fox Sports Radio following Game 4. Dunsmore apparently approached Bieksa thinking it was Kesler and Bieksa just played along. Right from jump street Bieksa references Kesler's controversial quotes about ...

It's Hell Becoming A Comfortable And Wealthy Old Filmmaker
It's the fear of any successful creative person, anyone who started their career as a young buck with fire in the belly, all the ambition in the world, all the idealism of the new and stupid: What happens when you make it? What happens when you achieve your goals, early in your life, and you have to...

The Suns Shut Down And Beat Up Blake Griffin
Blake Griffin was unstoppable in the first quarter, going 7-for-13 from the field. Phoenix regrouped, and turned the game into something more closely rembling Atari's Basketbrawl, and what do you know: it worked. Griffin didn't score another field goal the rest of the game....

<em>The Lucky One</em> and <em>Think Like a Man</em>: Hollywood Wants You to Have a Terrible Love Life
Like a lot of people, I learned about relationships at a young age by watching movies and TV shows. Only now in my adult life do I realize how much influence Cheers and Woody Allen and L.A. Story had on me: They helped to create a sense that love was this melancholy thing that rarely lasted, no matt...

The Dark Knight Rises, And So Do Our Trousers: The Grierson & Leitch Summer Movie Preview
Back in 1991, your esteemed Grierson & Leitch, then both 16 years old, sat down with this issue of Entertainment Weekly and planned out our holidays. We did not have Box Office Mojo's release calendar, and the Mattoon, Illinois local newspaper wouldn't tell you what movies were playing at the Cinema...

Kentucky Declares For NBA Draft
UK's entire starting five—freshmen Anthony Davis, Michael Kidd-Gilchrist, and Marquis Teague, and sophomores Doron Lamb and Terrence Jones—announced they'll be leaving Lexington after a national championship. They'll be joined by senior Darius Miller, so John Calipari—as proud as he is of his one-an...

Miami TV Station Congratulates The Florida International University Panthers On Their Stanley Cup Playoff Win
The Florida Panthers took a 2-1 series lead over the New Jersey Devils with an astonishing 4-3 win that came after falling behind 3-0 in the first period. It's understandable, then, that the story led off the 10:00 news on Miami's WSVN; perhaps unaccustomed to hockey success, they got a few details...
![Marian Hossa Was Stretchered Off The Ice After This Brutal Hit From Raffi Torres [UPDATE]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/Image_Not_Found_1x_qjofp8.png)
Marian Hossa Was Stretchered Off The Ice After This Brutal Hit From Raffi Torres [UPDATE]
In a Stanley Cup playoffs on pace to smash records for game misconducts, it appears its most dangerous hit to date will be one that escaped on-ice punishment. In the first period of tonight's Game Three, Coyotes enforcer Raffi Torres left his feet to hit the Blackhawks' Marian Hossa; Hossa was un...

Is It Time To Forgive Mel Gibson?
As much as our society loves to mock celebrities, we love to forgive them even more. We'll pick on Lindsay Lohan for her drug problems or Nicolas Cage for his bankruptcy money woes* and bad movies, but, deep down, we're hoping that they'll pull out of their nosedives. The redemption story is a power...

Finance Guy Keeps Incredibly Detailed, Incredibly Creepy Spreadsheet Of His Match.com Prospects
Let's call this guy, oh, "Dave." Dave is a financial services employee in New York. Dave goes on Match.com, and meets women, and sometimes goes on dates with them. Then Dave goes home and enters all sorts of information into an Excel sheet, to keep track of everyone....

Karl Alzner Calls Milan Lucic A Crybaby. Lucic's Teammate Says He Was "An Angry Baby."
Milan Lucic hasn't made much of an impact on the scoresheet, but he's been in the middle of every physical altercation in a physical series in a physical playoffs overall. Lucic picked up three roughing penalties on the night in a 4-3 Bruins win, and on the last ended up in a Karl Alzner headlock....
![Todd Bertuzzi, Ping Pong Enforcer [UPDATE]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/17jvco9lcokgfjpg.jpg)
Todd Bertuzzi, Ping Pong Enforcer [UPDATE]
The feud between the Red Wings and Predators that began when Shea Weber smacked Henrik Zetterberg's head off the turnbuckle glass at the end of Game 1 has extended all the way to table tennis. At Joe Louis Arena, there's a ping pong table in the hallway between the home and visitors locker rooms. An...

Scenes From An Execution: Here's All 17 Goals Marc-Andre Fleury's Allowed To The Flyers This Series
The Philadelphia Flyers increased their Stanley Cup playoff series lead on Pittsburgh to 3-0 yesterday after a mess of a game best illustrated through metaphor. The six goals allowed by Penguins goalie Marc-Andre Fleury ran his total allowed in the series to 17—a number that looks even worse when...