nl Page 94 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Dez Bryant Is Going Off On The Cowboys And Sean Lee
How are you spending your Friday evening? Free agent wide receiver Dez Bryant is spending his ripping the Cowboys—most notably shithead VP Stephen Jones, linebacker Sean Lee, and offensive tackle Travis Frederick—to shreds....
The Cavaliers Are Kevin Love's Team Now
With the Cavaliers’ title hopes whisked away by the hand of LeBron James, the Cavs were presented with an easy opportunity to clear the roster and start over. That would have started with them trading Kevin Love, the last remaining star on the team, who had one year left on his deal. But trade desti...
How I Became A Wizard, By Dwight Howard, Age 7
Last year, the Washington Wizards underperformed both out of sheer ingrained habit and because some of the most important people on the team just absolutely fucking hated some of the other most important people on the team. On Monday, the team introduced Dwight Howard, the veteran big man that the t...
Ryan Lochte Suspended A Year Over Incredible Instagram Self-Own
The United States Anti-Doping Agency announced this morning that jolly bro airhead Ryan Lochte would be suspended for 14 months for “his use of a prohibited method.” As the language of USADA’s release hints at, Lochte’s is not a normal doping violation, which is not surprising since Lochte is not a ...
The Line Between Combatants And Civilians Has Never Been So Thin
This piece is part of a recurring series that aims to be a complete guide to the laws of war. You can read previous entries here....
Two Umpires Suspended After Teaming Up To Make Worst Call In History
A Mexican League game between the Diablos Rojos del México and the Algodoneros de Union Laguna on July 18 produced one of the most shocking umpiring errors in the history of the game. In the top of the first inning, umpires Ulises Domínguez Solís and Rodolfo Pastrana Tejeda somehow both determined t...
Astros Get A Walk-Off Win On Probably The Weirdest Play You Can Imagine
Alex Bregman drove in a run from second on a ball that traveled maybe five feet from home plate, and the Astros walked it off against the A’s on Tuesday night thanks to one of the dumbest and most random game-ending plays you will ever see....
Shohei Ohtani Hit A Game-Winning Homer With A Busted Elbow And Knee
Shohei Ohtani hit the ball far as fuck yesterday, 443 feet to be exact, deep into the ethers of Angel Stadium’s cavernous rock structure in center field. The looping drive was his first homer since May 17, on account of the Grade 2 UCL sprain that kept him out of the lineup from June 4 to July 3. It...
Three Adventure Vloggers Die After Attempted Waterfall Rescue Goes Wrong
Megan Scraper, Ryker Gamble, and Alexey Lyakh were enjoying an afternoon with friends Tuesday at Shannon Falls, near Squamish, British Columbia, when Scraper slipped and fell into the water. Witnesses who spoke to CBC say that Gamble and Lyakh jumped in to try and save her, but all three were swept ...
Hunter S. Thompson Told Jim Irsay To Draft Ryan Leaf Over Peyton Manning
Hunter S. Thompson predicted, in the most general sense, the coming of Donald Trump, or at least the flourishing of the reactionary, retaliatory, mutually-assured-destructive base that put him and his ilk into power. (He also noted, as early as anyone, that the American experiment had peaked and per...
The Fight For Peace Has Never Been Easy
This piece is part of a recurring series that aims to be a complete guide to the laws of war. You can read previous entries here....
Getty Images Apologizes For Getting Horny Over World Cup Fans
The World Cup is a time to feel great pride for your country, to find an excuse to drink before noon, and to appreciate the athletic feats of some of the finest athletes on the planet. If you work at Getty Images, it is also a time to scope out hot babes in the stands and get all horned up....
Report: Hanley Ramirez Is Not Connected To Fentanyl Trafficking Ring; Some Asshole Just Tried To Name-Drop Him<em></em>
After reports on Friday stated that former Red Sox infielder and current free agent Hanley Ramirez was “being eyed in connection with an ongoing federal and state investigation” that involved distribution of the opioid fentanyl, a new report from the Boston Globe says that Ramirez is not being linke...
Report: Cops Looking Into Hanley Ramirez's Possible Connection To Fentanyl Trafficking Ring
ABC investigative journalist Michele McPhee says authorities are looking into Hanley Ramirez’s possible relationship to a large fentanyl distribution case in Massachusetts....
What Are The Laws Of War, And Why Do They Matter?
There are laws in war....
LeBronWatch: Tyronn Lue's Posture Crumbles Upon Hearing The Words "LeBron James"
With the question of LeBron James’s free agency destination settled once and for all—he is for sure headed to the Lakers and the Knicks and the Nuggets this summer—the other hopeful teams around the NBA have got to be feeling like their chances of also landing LeBron are shrinking by the hour. One ...
Spain Shoots Its Own Dick Off In The Name Of Propriety, Fires Manager One Day Before World Cup
The Spanish soccer federation (RFEF) announced today that it has fired its national team manager Julen Lopetegui, on the eve of the World Cup, because Lopetegui did not “act the right way.” The infraction? Lopetegui accepted a job managing Real Madrid, which would have started after the World Cup, w...
Real Madrid's New Manager Julen Lopetegui Thinks Messi Is Better Than Ronaldo
Real Madrid announced Julen Lopetegui as their new manager today, just two weeks after Zinedine Zidane resigned abruptly from the job after winning the Champions League title. Lopetegui is currently manager of Spain’s national team and won’t take over at Real Madrid until after the World Cup....
Possibly Alexander Ovechkin Might Be Having Too Much Fun, Beer
Last time we checked in on Alexander Ovechkin he was compulsively hoisting the Stanley Cup in various spots around Nationals Park after throwing out a pair of ceremonial first pitches. It was an early afternoon game for the Nats, leaving Ovechkin with a whole evening of freedom. So how’d he spend it...
Alex Ovechkin Lets Go Of Stanley Cup Just Long Enough To Botch Ceremonial First Pitch, Drunkenly Sing "We Are The Champions"
Alex Ovechkin brought the Stanley Cup to Nationals Park today, where he threw out the ceremonial first pitch of Saturday’s Giants-Nationals game. Well, okay, the first two pitches—Ovechkin made a funny mess of the first one:...