oakland Page 40 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Let's All Thank God For Tommy Kelly's Jock Strap
And here's how we send you into this good night. Not just with a de-pantsed football player, but with a de-pantsed lineman. Click through only if you haven't eaten recently....

Proof That JaMarcus Russell Isn't Even UFL Quality
The Raiders have signed J.P. Losman, fresh off a championship with the Locomotives. This could be a redux of the Kurt Warner story, only if Warner had already failed in the NFL and his top receiver was Louis Murphy. [ESPN]...

Late Game Open Thread: A Whole Lot Of Yuck
Team That Makes Old Ladies Sad v. Team Run By A Sad Old Lady; Rejuvenated Vince Young v. Reanimated Kyle Boller; Holding Romos v. Litigious Merrimans, etc. #nflforums [NFL.com]...

Oakland's Happy Family Just Got A Little More Dysfunctional
Randy Hanson, noted coach punchee, is back working with the Raiders. Even for a historically feckless franchise, this is surprising. Let's look at the possibilities....

A Little Holier-Than-Thou From Someone Who Handles Pigskin Every Week, Don't You Think?
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

An Apt Metaphor For The Raiders Season?
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap....

I Know It's Preseason, But — Le Moyne?
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Tom Cable Is An Equal Opportunity Puncher
His ex-wife and ex-girlfriend both tell Outside The Lines that Cable treated them like assistant coaches. Meanwhile, JaMarcus Russell goes woefully unstruck. [ESPN]...

Randy Hanson Keeps It In Perspective
After learning that former boss Tom Cable would not face charges for breaking his jaw, Hanson said: "It felt like the Rob Lytle fumble all over again." He's like the Al Davis of terrible analogies. [Yahoo]...

Justin Fargas Has A Theory About That Special Teams Pigeon
"Yeah, it was definitely a strange event seeing that bird flying out there. It seemed comfortable on the football field and comfortable lying down there literally on special teams. It very well could have been Marquis [Cooper]." [Via]...

No Charges To Be Filed Against Tom Cable
The Napa County DA just announced that Raiders coach Tom Cable will not be prosecuted for any crimes as a result of a "tussle" that broke the jaw of assistant Randy Hanson....

Randy Hanson Worked For The Raiders And Lived To Tell The Tale. Barely.
"From my blindside, Tom Cable threw me from my chair and into a piece of furniture that a lamp sat upon. He was screaming, ‘I'll f—- kill you! I'll f—- kill you!'." [Yahoo!]...

Raiders-Texans Game Is An Excellent Place To Take A Nap
A bored Raiders fan gets sleepy at Reliant Stadium and Houstonians take surprisingly good care of him. If this had happened at the Coliseum his homemade face tattoos would still be healing. [Photo via Texans Bull Pen, via FanHouse]...

Rich Gannon Unfamiliar With The Term "Sudden Death"
The former Super Bowl losing QB-turned-announcer questioned Cincinnati's clock management skills on Sunday, expressing concern that they might score too quickly and leave the Browns a chance to rally. In overtime. [Shutdown Corner]...

Could There Be a Problem With the Oakland Raiders?
Weird! Journeyman quarterback Jeff Garcia—usually so reticent to speak his mind—is criticizing his former team, the Raiders of Oakland, California!...

It's Raiders vs. Gannon In What Amounts To An Unpopular Girl Catfight
It's one of those fights where even if you win, you're still a loser. But let's break down the hissy fit the Raiders are throwing over Rich Gannon....

Richard Seymour Boldly Accepts His Deportation to the North Korea of the NFL
Richard Seymour has agreed to play for the Raiders this season and is expected to suit up for the team Monday night against the Chargers. We think Seymour's wife Tanya will fit right in with the Oakland Coliseum fans. [ESPN]...

Raiders Make Richard Seymour An Offer He Can't Accept
Good news! If Richard Seymour doesn't report within five days he doesn't have to play for the Raiders this year! He's also suspended and won't get paid his $3.6 million salary, but life is full of compromises, isn't it? [ESPN]...

Thomas Howard Likes To Feel Pretty Every Now And Then
"Just finished getting a pedicure. Its been a while since I've had one. It was relaxing for a while there, I even dozed off for a minute." [Twitter via reader Tom]...

Why Your Team Sucks: Oakland Raiders
Some people are fans of the Oakland Raiders. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Oakland Raiders. This 2009 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group....