olympics Page 101 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Last Night's Winner: People Who Don't Play Football
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like athletes who are suddenly going to get a lot more attention now that football season is drawing to a close. You've heard of "sports," right?...
Russia Turns The Dreamtime Into A Nightmare
Aboriginal Australians are none too pleased with the routine the ice dancing favorites have planned for the Olympics, and it's not hard to see why. Look at them. They look like Mardi Gras came to Ferngully....
Terrorists Hope To Win Olympic Gold ... For Your Murder
This is an actual headline on ABCNews.com right now: ""Headed to Olympics? Beware of Terror Attacks." So enjoy the bobsled everyone ... because it will be your last!...
Indecisive Hurdler Discovers Breast Implants Don't Improve Leaping Ability
Australia's Jana Rawlinson was not happy with her body's natural curves, so like a lot of women, she decided to get breast implants. Then she remembered that she was an Olympic-caliber hurdler and silicon is heavier than air....
Meet The Hockey Team That Better Damn Well Win Gold In Vancouver
Canada has selected its very, very, very important Olympic hockey team. No pressure, guys. Just because it's on home ice that doesn't mean they won't find a way to deport you if you only win bronze. [Image via TSN]...
Zach Lund Is Not One Of Those Balding Dudes Who Shave Their Heads Because They Are Like, In Denial About The Bald Thing
Did you know propecia could be used to mask commonly exploited performance-enhancing drugs? But here's why (besides, like, duh?) to "just say no" to this "folly of follicles", courtesy top-ranked "skeleton racer" Zach Lund…...
The IOC Erases History
Remember the women's 100m race at the Sydney games? No you don't. Because according to the IOC, it never happened....
Winter Of Discontent: Learning To Love The Vancouver Games
Did you know that the Jordan Palmer of amateur sports, the Winter Olympics, happens this February? It's OK — red-blooded sports fans can't possibly be expected to transition from the rough and tumble to Vancouver's prissy wonderland. Or can they?...
Canada A Little Sensitive About The Olympics
A reporter crossing the border into British Columbia was detained by agents fearful she might be coming over to criticize the Vancouver Games. After all, gotcha journalism is the worst kind of terrorism....
No, Vancouver Is The Other Way!
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap....
Niche Sport Gets Basic Cable Benefactor
Desperately in need of cash, the U.S. speedskating team has turned to that living embodiment of everything that is right and good about America: Stephen Colbert....
Olympic Torch Carried By Athlete On Steroids
The Vancouver games are only starting the torch relay, and we've already got a doping controversy. Oh, Olympics, how we've missed you....
Olympic Pothead Is Now High On Civil Service
Ross Rebagliati—everyone's favorite dope smoking Olympic snowboarder—is running for a seat in Canada's parliament. You see, in Canada, election districts are called "ridings" and he probably just got confused because he was so freakin' high. [CTV/Victoria Times]...
This Time I Think They Really Are Made Of Chocolate
The Winter Olympics medals were unveiled, and they appear to be a melty psychedelic horror straight out of a Dali painting. It could have been worse; I was expecting all Vancouver medals to have loons on them. [Canadian Press]...
You Have Less Than A Decade To Learn How To Curl
Only three cities—Munich, Germany; Annecy, France; and Pyeongchang, South Korea—have applied to host the 2018 Winter Olympics. Guess no one wants all those snowboarders taking all their weed. [AP]...
Not To Mention The Radioactive Mutant Athletes
Hiroshima and Nagasaki are preparing a joint bid for the 2020 Olympics in the name of world peace. Well, it worked for Sarajevo. (Note: picture definitely not the Olympic Rings.[AP]...
Who <i>Really</i> Chose Rio To Host The 2016 Olympics
Naturally the New Yorker does its best to bury the lead, but there are plenty of clues in this week's cover story "Gangs of Rio" as to why the world's #1 city for "violent international deaths" won the 2016 Olympics....
Why Obama's Olympic Loss Is Freedom's Gain
No surprise here: the simpering cultural sycophants of the granola media are declaring the Obamajunta's disastrous loss of the Olympics bid a victory for bossa nova music and that poor man's Hugo Chavez. How quaint!...
Obama's Agony of Defeat
Our President found one community his thugs couldn't organize into submission: the International Olympic Committee. Without their usual control of the ballots, Obama's adoptive hometown cronies found themselves, for once, on the losing side of an election....
Who Is To Blame For Chicago's Olympic-Sized Failure?
Chicago did everything it could to bring the Olympics home....or did it? After all that time, effort and money wasted, someone needs to pay—and there are plenty of places to point your fingers. So let's assign some blame!...