olympics Page 102 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Locus Of Concern Shifts From Lindsey Vonn's Butt To Her Shin
Vonn, the skier last seen farting the Sports Illustrated flag, may miss the Olympics because of a bruised right shin. Don't worry. She's getting excellent medical care: "I wrap my leg in cheese and it takes the swelling down." [LAT]...
Chris Hansen Goes For The Gold
A Polish newspaper mistakenly included among the Olympic mascots Pedobear, 4chan's lovable mascot for pedophilia. Well, some of those figure skaters are pretty young. [Telegraph]...
Last Night's Winner: Every Other Sport That's Not Football
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like those who awoke from their post Super Bowl-hangover, rubbed their eyes and realized we've got a lot of time to fill between now and September....
Lindsey Vonn's Buttocks Are The First Winter Olympics Controversy
Yes. There they are. Her hunched over, haunches on display. But Tasty Bakes says that the only real problem with the Vonn SI cover photo is that it's been done before. [TheAwl]...
Online Dating Pays Off, For First Time In History
Boy meets girl online. Boy falls for girl. Boy moves from Peru to Seattle. Boy marries girl. Girl teaches boy to ski, at 34 years old. Boy makes Olympic team. It's the oldest story in the book. [Seattle Times]...
Listen Up, NBC: Here's An Idea To Boost Olympics Ratings
Most people think of the 1896 Olympics in Athens simply as the first Olympiad. Some people think of the 1896 Olympics in Athens as a shining beacon of nude recreation. Like? The American Association for Nude Recreation. Obviously....
Last Night's Winner: People Who Don't Play Football
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like athletes who are suddenly going to get a lot more attention now that football season is drawing to a close. You've heard of "sports," right?...
Russia Turns The Dreamtime Into A Nightmare
Aboriginal Australians are none too pleased with the routine the ice dancing favorites have planned for the Olympics, and it's not hard to see why. Look at them. They look like Mardi Gras came to Ferngully....
Terrorists Hope To Win Olympic Gold ... For Your Murder
This is an actual headline on ABCNews.com right now: ""Headed to Olympics? Beware of Terror Attacks." So enjoy the bobsled everyone ... because it will be your last!...
Indecisive Hurdler Discovers Breast Implants Don't Improve Leaping Ability
Australia's Jana Rawlinson was not happy with her body's natural curves, so like a lot of women, she decided to get breast implants. Then she remembered that she was an Olympic-caliber hurdler and silicon is heavier than air....
Meet The Hockey Team That Better Damn Well Win Gold In Vancouver
Canada has selected its very, very, very important Olympic hockey team. No pressure, guys. Just because it's on home ice that doesn't mean they won't find a way to deport you if you only win bronze. [Image via TSN]...
Zach Lund Is Not One Of Those Balding Dudes Who Shave Their Heads Because They Are Like, In Denial About The Bald Thing
Did you know propecia could be used to mask commonly exploited performance-enhancing drugs? But here's why (besides, like, duh?) to "just say no" to this "folly of follicles", courtesy top-ranked "skeleton racer" Zach Lund…...
The IOC Erases History
Remember the women's 100m race at the Sydney games? No you don't. Because according to the IOC, it never happened....
Winter Of Discontent: Learning To Love The Vancouver Games
Did you know that the Jordan Palmer of amateur sports, the Winter Olympics, happens this February? It's OK — red-blooded sports fans can't possibly be expected to transition from the rough and tumble to Vancouver's prissy wonderland. Or can they?...
Canada A Little Sensitive About The Olympics
A reporter crossing the border into British Columbia was detained by agents fearful she might be coming over to criticize the Vancouver Games. After all, gotcha journalism is the worst kind of terrorism....
No, Vancouver Is The Other Way!
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap....
Niche Sport Gets Basic Cable Benefactor
Desperately in need of cash, the U.S. speedskating team has turned to that living embodiment of everything that is right and good about America: Stephen Colbert....
Olympic Torch Carried By Athlete On Steroids
The Vancouver games are only starting the torch relay, and we've already got a doping controversy. Oh, Olympics, how we've missed you....
Olympic Pothead Is Now High On Civil Service
Ross Rebagliati—everyone's favorite dope smoking Olympic snowboarder—is running for a seat in Canada's parliament. You see, in Canada, election districts are called "ridings" and he probably just got confused because he was so freakin' high. [CTV/Victoria Times]...
This Time I Think They Really Are Made Of Chocolate
The Winter Olympics medals were unveiled, and they appear to be a melty psychedelic horror straight out of a Dali painting. It could have been worse; I was expecting all Vancouver medals to have loons on them. [Canadian Press]...