olympics Page 114 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Where's Barry Manilow When You Really Need Him?
Attention all aspiring songwriters: Spain needs lyrics for its National Anthem. This is especially important considering the Summer Olympics are coming up, and Spanish athletes want to sing, sing, sing! Their fans are tired of sitting there mute during the medal ceremony as the Swiss are belting out...
London 2012's Lego Mashup
The folks in charge of the 2012 Summer Olympics in London released their logo yesterday and it's ... uh ... a major Tetris disaster? A sketch Picasso made on a bar napkin while drunk? No one seems quite sure....
China Is Totally On Top Of All Olympic Matters
The nagging issues that keep popping up as we approach the 2008 Olympics in Beijing have many observers concerned, though it seems like everyone always worries about whether the Olympic host city will be ready, and it seems to turn out just fine. But there does seem to be a major issue in China: The...
The U.S. Olympic Committee Wonders If You Can Spare Anything
When we think of charitable organizations that desperately need our support, we will confess that the United States Olympic Committee doesn't immediately come to mind, considering we think we remember seeing an ad for the official overnight shipping company of the U.S. Olympic Team. So we can't imag...
Cultural Oddsmaker: What will the Beijing Olympic Committee Suggest Banning Next?
AJ Daulerio's Cultural Oddsmaker runs every Friday. Email him to let him know what you think....
Chicago Vs. Los Angeles, The DEATH MATCH
Tomorrow, the U.S. Olympic Committee will announce which city will be its nominee to host the 2016 Olympics. Right now, there are two favorites: Los Angeles and Chicago. Because the world, you know, hates America and all that, whoever turns out to be the U.S. nominee is not expected to be the favori...
Joe Buck, The Billboard With A Heart
So here's an inventive idea, straight from our Jack Bauer-torturing friends in China: Rather than slapping corporate logos on the players, just slap 'em on the announcers....
But When You Get Down To It, Does Michael Irvin Make Any More Sense?
Only a little more than a year to go before the 2008 Summer Olympics, which should just give the Chinese government enough time to run Beijing through spell check....
Winter Sports, The Full Monty And You
Meet Austrian two-time Olympic bronze medalist Rainer Sch nfelder, shown here shooshing about at a crisp 0.5 degrees Celsius, his privates most likely resembling those of a laboratory mouse. Don't worry girls, it's only shrinkage! See you at the lodge! Thank God the bears are hibernating and didn't ...
Wikipedia Already Has An Entry For The 2020 Olympics
There are two kinds of people I like to think I'm superior to even though I'm clearly not: Wikipedia writers and male gymnasts. With the former group it's because they're doing for free what I do for money, and with the latter it's because they wear tights. But then I read Wikipedia and see how good...
Special Olympic Perversity In Chicago
We don't mean to be scolding moralists here, but we're pretty sure this is an excellent way to get sent to Hell....
Vancouver Ready To Welcome More Weird-Ass Olympic Events
We had a crazy dream last night. The IOC was making up Winter Olympic sports, and approving them in their meeting in Kuwait City. Yeah we know, off the wall. But ... huh? You're kidding. Skicross?...
Kids And Darts! What Could Possibly Go Wrong?
And so finally, we have the concept for the next Johnny Knoxville movie. The British Darts Organisation is campaigning for their sport to be included in the 2012 London Olympics; and to that end, they've opened the Darts School of Excellence in London. It's for for kids ages 7 to 18, as England atte...
Aei! The Olympic Mascots Are Back! Run For Your Lives!
Like childhood night terrors or the career of George Michael, we thought that we were done with The Five Friendlies for good; or at least until the 2008 Olympics. But no dice. China trotted out their satanic mascot goblins once again on Sunday while announcing the China Bowl, an NFL exhibition set...
What, All Flights To Utah Were Booked?
Whenever we blow $600,000 on blackjack and loose women, we know that it's time for another trip to Cuba. Olympic officials in Thailand recently had that same thought, as they packed off Olympic boxing champion Manus Boonjumnong to the balmy shores of North America's favorite island, with the notion ...
Mark Cuban Explains It All
Why can't the U.S. basketball team seem to win in international competition anymore? Leave it to Mark Cuban to unravel this mystery. It may shock you to learn that Cuban lays the blame directly on those damn pyramid-shaped lanes. Oh, and the international ball. And the way the referees are dressed. ...
Urine Taints Marion Jones' EPO Sample
The Washington Post is reporting that Marion Jones failed a drug test at the U.S. nationals earlier this year. The test turned up a little erythropoietin, or EPO, as the cool kids call it. If her 'B' sample turns up the same thing, she's looking at a two-year ban. I'll give you a few minutes to reco...
Does Anyone Want The 2016 Games?
We can't say we're all that disappointed, considering we are current residents, that New York City has abandoned its quixotic attempt to host an Olympic Games. After its 2012 bid fell flat on its bagel, the city is sitting out the next round; it is not among the three U.S. cities applying for the 20...
Curling The Way It Was Meant To Be Played: With Puppies
We heard you all during the Winter Olympics, making fun of the proud, storied sport of curling. It's been more than a week, and still you mock it. Yeah, us too. But now, curling has its revenge. Ever since finding this yesterday, we have done practically no work. Yes, it's Puppy Curling. Go on, tr...
Reconsidering Bode Miller
To Winter Olympics naysayers, there is no bigger symbol of the event's waste and piffle than Bode Miller, the much hyped U.S. skier who was on the cover of seemingly every national magazine yet came away from the Games without a single medal. Hell, he barely even finished a race....