on Page 6397 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The Machine Rebellion Begins, Wearing No. 99
Seriously, that thing's gonna kill somebody. Which it becomes self-aware, man, we're all doomed....
Goodnight, Sweet Prancing Prince
It's a sad day, kids, but we knew someday this national joyride had to end: Mark Cuban has been been booted from "Dancing With The Stars." We know. We're sorry we have to be the ones to tell you....
About Last Night
What you missed while attempting to herd mice ... • NBA: If the Sonics are 1-5 with Durant, what are they going to look like without him? • NHL: Smyth happens ... Avalanche beat Oilers 5-2, you rejoice or despair, as warranted. • Soccer: Walter Samuel's goal gives Inter Milan 2-1 win at CSKA Moscow....
The Last Day Of Unmitigated World Series Glee
We're just about 26 hours away from the start of the World Series, and we know that Red Sox fans are happy and that Rockies fans are happy. Understood....
To Watch Tonight
What to watch after a day of wok racing ... • NHL: New York Rangers at Pittsburgh. Pengui-mania! [Versus] • Soccer: UEFA Champions League, first round, CSKA Moscow at Inter Milan. What they'll all be talking about at the water cooler tomorrow. [ESPN Classic] • College football: Michigan State vs. Oh...
Jason Taylor Is Attacking London
If you happen to be reading this from London, hey there! Put another shrimp on the barbie! Konichiwa! Bellisimo! No me importa un pimiento! Elcome-way oo-tay ee-thay ational-Nay ootball-Fay eague-Lay!...
Duke, North Carolina Make It Rain
Back off, people! We know that there's a drought, and you're thirsty. But this water is being saved to drench the synthetic turf at the field hockey stadium. We have our priorities at Duke University....
Shuler Still Playing Bad Football In DC
Stop Shuler, the site that unsuccessfully attempted to keep now-Congressman Heath Shuler from returning to Washington, D.C., would probably have a field day with this: Shuler was the quarterback for the Congressional team in a game against the Capitol Police ... and he got shut out....
One Way To Give The QB Happy Feet
When you're in high school, pranks are pretty much the only thing worth doing, save for maybe masturbation. And when you can combine that with football rivalries, you've got a recipe for happiness. Until the cops come....
Raiders Fans Vs. Gangs: Whoever Wins, We All Lose
We're going to Oakland to visit our sister for Thanksgiving this year, and we had no intention of walking around in Raiders garb. Now we're really not gonna do it....
Dennis Miller is Coming And It Seems There's Nothing We Can Do About It
Hey there kemosabe it's me, Dennis Miller. While it's true that I've had more shows than the original Broadway run of Cats, I really don't see how one more is going to hurt. Hair plugs aren't cheap, OK babe? So pull up a footstool and check out the promo for my latest offering, Sports Unfiltered wi...
Congratulations, South Africa!
• Your Rugby World Cup champions. [With Malice] • What's so wrong with incentive-based contracts? [Ghosts Of Wayne Fontes] • Travis Hafner is gonna hit sometime here pretty soon, you watch. [Lord, Beer Me Strength] • College basketball is just around the corner — look out, here it comes! — so how ab...
Chargers Flee Fire For Dry Heat
If anyone out there is being affected by the fires in Southern California — we're sure we have tons of Malibu readers, of course — we hope you're finding, you know, some cool land. And we hope you're better off than the Chargers, who might have to play this Sunday's game in the Buzzsaw's reject stad...