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Today In Depressing Lockout Non-Stories: "Clippers Season Tix Same Price"
The NBA lockout isn't even a week old yet, and we're plum out of stories. The NBA's website has become a ghost-town-cum-clearinghouse for WNBA news and classic highlights. We're talking about predictable Michael Beasley weed busts instead of flurrying free agent activity, or something....

Michael Beasley Has Not Yet Kicked That Demon Weed
The 2011 NBA lockout is a mere six days old, which means that we are way past due for a report of a league player getting cited for possession of marijuana. And now that I mention it, we are also (and always) way past due for a report of Michael Beasley getting busted for possession of marijuana — i...

Ted Williams Could Not Make It To The Rays Game, For Various Reasons
Tipster Joe sends along this wire photo from the weekend, with an accurate-if-unnecessary caption:...

More Fun With License Plates: Sketchy "Do Me" Van Is Often Parked Near "NWA" Honda CR-V
Hickey alerted you Saturday to the "Do Me" white van, a New Jersey-based vehicle that undoubtedly has stained shag carpeting....

DeSean Jackson Is Committed To Getting A Season-Ending Injury Before The Lockout Ends
DeSean Jackson, the humble Philadelphia Eagles wide receiver, apparently went on down to MTV's Fantasy Factory to spin around a basketball on some sort of four-wheeled Go-Kart-y contraption and perform some very challenging half-foot drops on a skateboard....

At Least We Might Get Some Funny Nike Commercials Out Of The NBA Lockout
Dime takes a look back at the 1998 NBA lockout commercials. We have so much to look forward to, you guys. [Dime]...

LeBron James Dunks On Small Child To Stay Alive In Casual Game Of Knockout
LeBron James spoke at a basketball camp this week, and then he humored the young'ns by following up his missed jumpers with a few dunks — one of which knocked out a kid's lay-up and then knocked over the kid. Luckily for the camper, the initial embarrassment will ultimately evolve into the best pa...

If You've Always Wanted To Hunt a Live Human, Here's Your Willing Prey
This here’s the tale of a fella who calls himself “Mork Encino.” Mork, he has faith in his skills as they apply to both eludin’ and survivin’. He launched a website about it on June 20. It’s called “Hunt Me 4 Sport.” As of last night, there were 21 pictures of him sporting overalls in various poses...

South Carolina Athletic Director Welcomes Back Champion Team Of "Ice Cold Cocks"
The University of South Carolina held its second straight welcome home rally for its national champion baseball team on Wednesday. Everyone cheered and said nice things about the Gamecocks, and then it was Athletic Director Eric Hyman's turn to speak. Hyman said some more nice things, and then he ...

Josh Cribbs Goes To War Against The Tyranny Of Meter Maids
A couple of weeks ago, Browns receiver Josh Cribbs received a ticket for parking his Mercedes at an expired meter in Cleveland Heights. He protested immediately that the meter still had time left, posting a photo of his ticket next to the meter showing 8 minutes remaining. Police say they don't know...

Chad Ochocinco Threatens To Whoop Marvin Lewis's Ass
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: Ochocinco doesn't pull punches on anyone....

NBA Joins Lockout Party!
The NBA owners have reportedly informed the players that the lockout is on, beginning at 12:01 a.m. on Friday. The two sides will take a "hiatus" from reviving the league after its most exciting season in years and "reconvene in 2-3 weeks." America! Are you ready for some baseball and hockey?? [@KBe...
![Exclusive: How An NBA Team Makes Money Disappear [UPDATE WITH CORRECTION]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/1865o9ndt013bjpg.jpg)
Exclusive: How An NBA Team Makes Money Disappear [UPDATE WITH CORRECTION]
We've obtained audited financial data for the New Jersey Nets covering the three fiscal years from June 2003 to June 2006. Though the numbers end five years ago, you can still see the roots of the argument that will have NBA owners, come midnight, again locking out their players. You can also see ho...

Portland Continues Mirthfully Torturing Fan Base, Will Offer Greg Oden One-Year Extension
The Portland Blazers are expected to make Greg Oden — the most easily-forgotten TMZ star of our time and the youngest veteran in the league — a restricted free agent with a $8.8 million qualifying offer for a one-year contract extension. With the offer alone, the Blazers will reserve the right to ma...

With NBA Lockout Looming, Gilbert Arenas And Dwight Howard Start Planking
Perhaps you are familiar with planking, one of those odd fads forced upon us by Australians. (Just like Hugh Jackman!) One planks by lying completely flat on an odd surface and then photographing it....

Charles Barkley Has Opinions On Things, This Time At A Baseball Game
For a half-inning, Charles Barkley joined the Sportsnet broadcast booth in Toronto. We edited it down to just the highlights (SportsGrid has the entire thing) of Charles holding court on on local food, the Phillies, and other random nonsense....

Today In Sad Pittsburgh Headlines
Pittsburgh to honor Ward's 'Dancing' win on Thursday: "The city of Pittsburgh will hold a rally at noon Thursday to honor Hines Ward's victory in ABC-TV's 'Dancing with the Stars' competition." [Post-Gazette]...

This Is The Most T.O. Thing You've Ever Done
When the season is actually delayed, we'll hate the NFL lockout for that. But for now we're just pissed at Goodell and/or De Smith that there's no football news out there. Summers suck for sports, and NFL draft/free agency/holdouts/training camp talk are an entire second season that we're lacking. W...

Nets Owner Elected Head Of Russian "Opposition" Party That Really Won't "Oppose" The Kremlin
After he was elected the head of Right Cause — a Russian political party "once openly anti-Kremlin, but more recently the party has been led by loyal personalities" — Nets owner Mikhail Prokhorov said he probably wouldn't publicly call bad-ass Prime Minister Vladimir V. Putin out publicly....
