out Page 166 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

The LeBron James Commercial Gets The South Park Treatment
Last night's South Park featured this spoof of LeBron James's recent commercial. It features BP CEO Tony Hayward intercut with other characters in the midst of existential crises....

This Sorority Gal Did Not Take South Carolina's Loss Well
Bad to worse: first the Gamecocks lost to Kentucky last month. Then she gets a camera shoved in her crying face. Now she's (Internet) famous for it....

An 86-Yard Punt Becomes Possible With Gale Force Winds (Update)
Last Tuesday's Washington-Huron playoff game featured this ridiculous punt from Huron's Derek Zwanziger. After a real boomer, the ball rolls, and rolls, then rolls a little more until Zwanziger's netted an 86-yarder. South Dakota high school football and science rule. [Argus Leader]...

LeBron James Admonishes Media Take Out For Kim Kardashian Rumor
DAYUMMMMMMMM: King James didn't utter a peep when rumors about Delonte rogering his mom surfaced last summer, but one little item about the possibility of his love life receiving a Kim Kardashian upgrade and he flips out publicly....

This Is What Four Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders Do In The Bathroom Together
Years of standup-comic banter has been deemed irrelevant now that we have seen what happens when women go to the bathroom together. (Yeah, I don't know what's going on here, either. It has something to do with Roto-Rooter.) [CNET]...

Helmet-To-Helmet Hits Are Even More Excruciating With Children Involved
Click to view All the recent talk about football and player health has centered on the NFL and college ranks. This video—origins unknown—is proof that football's safety issues begin even earlier. Step one? Maybe not have the kids do the Oklahoma drill. [Guyism]...

Here's Some Adorable Children Doing Adorable Things
I love (and regularly wager on) Mites on Ice, when they let a bunch of kids play hockey during intermissions. But these little tykes at Tuesday's Capitals game set a new standard for awwww with their team goal celebration....

Australian Team Accused Of Chucking Washing Machine Out Of Window
Solidifying their place as the badasses of international competition, the Australian Commonwealth Games team vandalized a room and threw a washing machine out of an 8th story window at the athletes' village....

Youth Football Brawl, No. 671
It's a proven fact that nearly 40 percent of public fights involve a bald guy with black-and-white camouflage shorts. [Journal Times]...

There's A Jason Whitlock Live Chat Happening In Five Minutes, People
Jason Whitlock is live-chatting at noon about Favre, Sterger, and a host of subjects right now. Do what you do best....

Your NFL Late Games Open Thread
Talk about a blessing for Eagles QB Kevin Kolb. Phillies first pitch in Cincinnati: 8:07 p.m. Kickoff in San Francisco: 8:20 p.m. Translation: He goes relatively unnoticed....

Today In Neo-Nazi Youth Sports News...
Any story that describes its protagonist and/or antagonist as a "52-year-old who sports an Adolf Hitler-style moustache and a mullet" and "master chimney sweep," but isn't about pre-haircut Bill Cowher, is worthy of closer inspection....

ESPN Producer Caught Beating It Outside A Lady's Window
Win 17 Emmys, and no one calls you "Emmy-winner" Neil Goldberg. Head ESPN's NASCAR coverage, and no one calls you "motorsports guru" Neil Goldberg. But stand on a stool to masturbate to a woman getting dressed just once......

Joe Morgan Drops A Zen Koan
"All individual awards," Joe Morgan says, "are team awards."...

Dads In Ugly Polo Shirts Punch Each Other At Pee Wee Football Game
A lot of men in matching bright polo shirts started a sideline brawl during their sons' Pee Wee football game in Pearland, Texas. One 12-year-old was thrown "12 to 15 feet" by an opposing coach. Video after the jump....

Getting Around Local NFL Blackouts, The Fun And Illegal Way
This is the story of a bar with a modicum of computer knowledge, and a dream. That dream: to watch the Buccaneers get massacred, even though the game wasn't sold out and therefore not shown on local Tampa television....

David Beckham And Gordon Ramsey "Caught In Gunfight"
Sweary TV chef Gordon Ramsay has revealed he and bessie mate David Beckham had to cut short a recent bonding/camping trip to the outskirts of LA after waking up to a rousing chorus of *pew pew pew*...

Not Last Night's Winner: The Pee-Wee Football Team Who Was Flashed By This Woman
Ms. Tonya Brown walked onto a field in Cincinnati and lifted her shirt, making some young players not want to ever reach puberty. [Enquirer]...

Man Masturbates In Toy Aisle To Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue
According to police, William Black grabbed the SI mag at his local Walmart, walked to the toy aisle, rubbed one out, and wiped it on a plastic light saber. [The Smoking Gun]...

Enter The Wu-Tang (36 Juiceboxes)
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....