out Page 176 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
It Happened: Brock Lesnar Is Your New UFC Heavyweight Champion
In only his fourth professional MMA fight, Brock Lesnar defeated UFC legend Randy Couture in a second round TKO. The severely undersized Couture held his own in the first round but got caught by a few nasty blows from Lesnar in the second and when you get caught by a guy of that size, it's over. The...
If They've Named It 'The Cage Of Death,' You Know It's Safe
There are many times in life when you're justified in saying 'I'm not getting in there.' The Raiders' Black Hole immediately comes to mind, as do the restrooms at Ralph Wilson Stadium. And I've also pretty much made it a rule never to allow myself to be submerged amongst enormous, hungry crocodiles;...
Fox Attack Victim Courageously Steps Forward With Harrowing Tale Of Survival
The identity of the Prescott, Ariz. fox attack victim has finally been revealed. Here is Michelle Felicetta, who agreed to step forward today so that her harrowing tale might serve as a warning to others who travel in fox-infested areas. We caution you that the details of her ordeal are not for the ...
Steve Spurrier Inspires Great Art
This one I call, Man Being Aggressively Clawed By Chicken. But it's not that at all. It is of course South Carolina coach and football god Steve Spurrier, who just happens to inspire the artist in all of us. In this portrait he is watched over by the SC Gamecock, just as St. Michael the archangel wa...
Another Typical Day At The Fox-Attached-To-Your-Arm 2K Run
Well, there goes my idea for a children's book. A Prescott, Arizona jogger ran a mile with a rabid fox clamped to her arm, then tossed the animal into her car trunk before driving to the hospital, authorities said. The woman, whose name was not released, is receiving rabies vaccinations. As is the f...
Philly Car-Tip Victim Inches Closer to Leaving Public Transportation Behind
Many unfortunate car owners in the Philadelphia area were impacted by the chaos that invaded Broad Street soon after the Philadelphia Phillies (WFC) won the World Series that night. One man, Ted Passon, of Philadelphia, whose car was recklessly flipped over during the Broad Street celebration at 1:3...
College Football Preview: The Jort-Out Is Coming
In a move reminiscent of the final rap contest between Rabbit and Papa Doc, Florida fans have embraced their greatest flaw: the you wear jorts insult that Georgia fans have been hurling for the better part of a decade. Yep, there's an organized movement afoot for Gator fans to show up in jorts for t...
Thursday Night Preview: #23 South Florida at Cincinnati
In keeping with the theme of the day, once the ESPN Thursday night programmer took a shit and put it into his ESPN issued lunchbox (the graphic on the lunchbox was Stuart Scott's lazy eye and the eye followed you when it moved.)Anyway, then the ESPN programmer collected Lou Holtz's spit and mixed i...
College Football Preview: Check Your Messages Knowshon
LSU fans aren't only the most insane in college football, they're also the most resourceful. Perhaps insanity and resourcefulness aren't conflicting traits after all. Why do I say this? Because for the second year in a row LSU fans have made the cell phone lives of their opponents miserable. You'll ...
Wait ... Is That The Tampa Bay Rays Music?!
What you missed while witnessing nature's classic battle between deer and poodle ... • World Series: Rays win 4-2 as it becomes inevitable this thing is going 7 games ... [NBCSports] • College football: (Noel) Devine intervention ... West Virginia comeback beats Auburn [USA Today] • NBA: That'll be ...
What Are The Odds That It Was A Shirtless Matthew McConaghey Who Took This Picture?
What you missed while filling your pants with delicious shrimp ... • World Series: Less cowbell, more Lidge ... Phillies take 1-0 series lead. [NBCSports] • NFL: Is Mike Holmgren headed to the 49ers? Well, he is this weekend, anyway. [USA Today] • NHL: Flyers fans thrilled with Roenick's return; Fly...
Um ... Go, Vikings?
What you missed while contemplating other uses for your banana holder ... • NBA: Kobe Bryant's season with the Lakers has started swimmingly [NBCSports] • NFL: Cowboys fans to get another generous helping of Tony Romo on Sunday [USA Today] • NHL: Hey, let's all get a Barry Melrose Mohawk! [The Sport...
So What's The Deal With That Tacklin' SEC Ref?
The most frequently submitted tip over the last 48 hours or so is the YouTube clip of that lunatic umpire who lowered the boom on South Carolina quarterback Stephen Garcia as he tried to run for a touchdown against LSU. For a good while, I didn't even believe it was real. It had to be one of those f...
Some Good, Old Fashioned Rooting Section Fail
Note to Kentucky fans: For best results, grasp sign gingerly with fingertips, not entire hand. Now your oh-so-clever double entendre has taken on an entirely different meaning. Hope your mom wasn't watching. And speaking of crazy college kids spelling out naughty things with their hands, check out t...
Sarah Palin Booed At Flyers Game, Did Not Take Battery To The Face
The GOP's vice presidential nominee was in the hizzy for the Flyers' opener last night. The chorus of boos that began as soon as she was seen were blasted out by some loud music and (some have said) artificial crowd noise. Palin walked onto the ice before the start of the game to help drop the cerem...
Tampa Bay Rays Still Have A Bit Of Youthful Arrogance
So much for the idea that these young Rays are made up of honest-to-goodness, hardworking, gritty players just happy to be included in the postseason festivities for the first time; they got some swagger in them. The above t-shirt isn't some fly-by-night homemade operation either, it's an MLB-sanct...
Peyton Manning Kind Of Awkward In A Public Setting
Let's all get together and laugh at a famous person acting like a real human being! To be fair, it's not really Peyton's fault. The only thing more awkward than watching someone rock out at a concert is watching a guy's face while he masturbates to Internet porn — the spastic motions, the furrowed ...
'Red River Shootout' Should Moisten Panties Just Fine
Those of you looking for that blatantly marquee matchup today are in for something special: The Big XII will take center stage today with the 103rd renewal of the Red River Shootout. Of course, now they've given the game this miffy, effeminate name of the "Red River Rivalry," which elicits the same ...
Thursday Night Football Previews: Pitt at South Florida; Oregon State at Utah
Thursday night college football arrives with a televised double-header. ESPN brings us Pittsburgh at South Florida and something called the Versus Network brings us Oregon State at Utah. Like me you have no idea if you have actually have Versus and if demanded on pain of death to give ten guesses a...
You Can Do Anything You Put Your Mind To, Except Drive A Car
Here comes a story about a kid in West Texas that plays youth football. But what makes Dillon Collier of the Greenwood Panthers so special? He's blind. Oh, and he has a radio in his helmet. That's pretty cool. ...