out Page 187 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
About Last Night
What you missed while shooting your father in the butt ... • NBA: Utah Jazz urged to quit race so that the Lakers can concentrate on John McCain. • MLB: Polanco vs. Papelbon = Tigers 10, Red Sox 9. • NFL: Patriots submit tapes to league, but there's an 18-minute gap....
About Last Night
What you missed while at a stop sign ... • NBA: LeBron makes two key baskets against Celtics. Unfortunately, he missed his other 16 shots. Boston 76, Cleveland 72. • MLB: Diamondbacks' Randy Johnson somehow gets all of his surgically enhanced body parts to work in unision to earn 6-4 win over Philli...
About Last Night
What you missed while realizing that Mongo just pawn in game of life ... • NBA: I can't deny it, and I just can't hide it. I think I have Hornets Fever. • MLB: Albert Pujols and Lou Brock ... pretty much the same guy. Cardinals 6, Rockies 5. • Hockey: How many times to I have to say it: Don't $#!% w...
About Last Night
What you missed while mourning another tragic Civil War casualty ... • NHL: *Yawn!* Is the Stars-Sharks game over yet? • MLB: Maddux vows to win No. 350 before the next appearance of comet Hale-Bopp. • NBA: Confused Jazz discover that hack-a-Kobe strategy does not work. Los Angeles 109, Utah 98....
About Last Night
What you missed while setting New Orleans on fire... • NBA: For some reason the New Orleans Hornet attempted to jump through a ring of fire in between the first and second quarter. Once they put out the fire the Hornets couldn't be stopped. • Boxing: Oscar de la Hoya dispatched of Stevie Forbes with...
About Last Night
What you missed while wondering if Tim Donaghy was so bad after all... • NBA: The Cavs knocked the Wizards out of the playoffs, and I don't really want to talk about it right now. • Boxing: Andre Dirrell got his balls back, and remained undefeated, with a stylish stoppage over Anthony Hanshaw. More ...
About Last Night
What you missed due to a slight preoccupation with porn ... • MLB: A.J. Burnett provides Canada some good news for a change. Blue Jays 3, Red Sox 0. • NBA: Kevin Durant wins NBA Rookie of the Year award. Seattle sues to keep trophy from moving to Oklahoma City. • NHL: Rangers postpone the inevitable...
About Last Night
What you missed while being violated by a marsupial ... • NBA: Celtics downgrade emergency to Defcon 5, head to Atlanta with 3-2 series lead. • NHL: Flyers avenge Rocky statue desecration, take 3-1 series lead on Montreal. • MLB: Santana dominates — no, the other one — as Angels beat Athletics to fi...
About Last Night
What you missed while trying to make sense of a world in which Jan Brady is 50 years old ... • NBA: All those who had Suns vs. Mavericks in the second round of the playoffs, please put down your pencils and exit the room quietly. • NHL: All those who had the Avalanche advancing to the ... oh, forget...
About Last Night
What you missed while closely examining the upholstery ... • NHL: Take that, Canada ... Flyers use second-period heroics to take 2-1 series lead over Montreal. • NBA: Larry Brown is back, this time coaching the Bobcats. You'd think that this is the one story that Larry Brown Sports would be all over...
A USC Football Player Got A Low Test Score? What?
"If your Wonderlic score is lower than the age of consent in your state, you may be a redneck." I'm not all that convinced that IQ testing is all that relevant when it comes to drafting NFL quarterbacks, but I will say this: If I needed a partner to diffuse a bomb, I'd pick LSU Louisville quarterbac...
About Last Night
What you missed while ordering Chinese food and being put on hold ... • NHL: Apparently there's diving in hockey. Who knew? Penguins 2, Rangers 0. • NBA: Mavericks about to make first-round playoff exit for the second straight year. It's sad, really. • MLB: Hey, who woke up Carlos Delgado? Mets 6, B...
About Last Night...
What you missed while buying Pierre the penguin a new sports car......
1st Round, Nineteenth Overall: Panthers Select Jeff Otah
Let's measure the Otah draft buzz throughout his career in decibels (dB): 1) Leaves JUCO as a lanky ex-basketball player; wins starting job at Pitt (10 dB; rustling leaves) 2) Stones Chris Long repeatedly in Virginia-Pitt game (70 dB; Space Shuttle launch in your kitchen) 3) Suffers minor injury in...
1st Round, Eleventh Overall: Bills Select Leodis McKelvin
Oh where do parents find names like "Leodis"? Well, smart guy, it turns out that Leodis was the Olde English name for the woods that eventually became the English township of Leeds. The word "Leodis" is mentioned several times by the Venerable Bede, and there are few sources as venerable as the Ven...
About Last Night...
What you missed while mixing your sports metaphors......
Minor League Goalie Peppered With Pucks, Surrenders
Announcement: Michael Leighton is not in the mood to take out the freaking trash tonight — or for any other goddamned requests — after making 98 saves in an American Hockey League game ... and losing. Shit! Leighton and the Albany River Rats lost in the longest game in AHL history on Thursday, when ...
About Last Night ...
What you missed while recovering from spousal carrot-related violence ... • NHL: Second-line wing helps Wings wing Avalanche, 4-3. • MLB: Ah, the lost art of the doubleheader sweep ... not to mention the .028 ERA. Indians 9-2, Royals 6-0. • NBA: Rockets realize it's a best-of-seven deal, begin tryin...
About Last Night ...
What you missed while attending Hitler's birthday party ... • NBA: Mr. Bryant, party of 12; your seat in Round 2 of the playoffs is ready ... Lakers 122, Nuggets 107. • MLB: 10,000-K Run ... Cubs reach milestone win total, and it only took them 107 years. • NFL: Whoever had Dallas in the Pacman Jone...
About Last Night
What you missed while nervously checking your pants every 10 minutes ... • NBA: The Spurs always seem to show up for the playoffs, eh? San Antonio 102, Phoenix 96. • NFL: Shaun is long gone. Sad, really. • MLB: Abreu's power surge supports Yankees' undefeated Wang. Or something like that....