out Page 194 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Raiders Fans Would Rather Look Elsewhere, Thank You
It's not easy being a Raiders fan. First off: What goes with black? Seriously! It's also difficult to find time to cheer, what with all the drinking of infant's blood. And worst off, the Raiders' lousy game with the Texans this Sunday happens to be at the same time as The Most Important Battle Betwe...
About Last Night
You wake up with your head inside a pumpkin and sans pants. We'll fill you in ... • NBA: The Tempest that is Zydrunas Ilgauskas not enough to stave off Mavericks. Dallas 92, Cleveland 74. • NHL: Modano reaches milestone [redacted]. Modano still one assist short. Blackhawks 5, Stars 4. • Soccer: Welc...
About Last Night
What you missed while mourning the passing of Robert Goulet ... • NBA: Bryant scores 45, Lakers lose ... two great tastes that go great together. • NHL: Thrashers beat Canadiens in shootout ... a sentence which would have looked very odd if you had seen it 10 years ago. • MLB: Red Sox victory parade...
About Last Night
What you missed while scouring eBay for dog mittens ... • NFL: Yeah, it's the Broncos' run defense that's the problem. Packers 19, Broncos 13, OT. • NHL: Rangers lose teeth, win game, 3-1 over Lightning. • Tennis: Mario Ancic rallies to beat someone with a hyphenated name in Paris Masters....
And Jesus Said, Turn The Other Cheek
Two surprising things about this item: 1. It didn't happen in Long Island, and 2. It wasn't featured in any of the Porky's movies. Other than that, hey, I stopped being shocked at the antics of youth sports parents and coaches long ago....
About Last Night
What you missed while winning the cardboard tube fighting championship ... • MLB: Boston sweeps Colorado in four, will now move on to ... to ... um, did you say baseball season is over? Don't be ridiculous ... • NFL: An American Slopfest in London ... Dolphins now winless in Europe as well after 13-...
About Last Night
What you missed while hitting a double off of the Rockies... • MLB: The Boston Red Sox cannot be stopped...on the field. • CFB: Penn State lost a big game, yet the Earth's rotation continues. • CFB: Kansas is still undefeated. Yay!...
What, No Facepaint?
For a franchise with such a short and unremarkable history the Carolina Panthers sure seem to attract an odd level of devotion. Most recently a curious young couple thought fit to devote their entire wedding ceremony to the team they love so much....
About Last Night
What you missed while thanking the heroes... • NBA: Kevin Garnett's triple-double was too much for LeBron in a game that didn't count. Exactly how long do we have to wait for Garnett to get hurt? This whole Boston thing can't really work, Doc Rivers wouldn't let that happen. • MLB: There wasn't a ga...
For Giants Fans, Crazy Is As Crazy Does
Sure the Red Sox have a bit of momentum going, and it looks like they're going to cruise to their second World Series title. That's because Colorado Rockies fans are relatively new at this. They don't understand that, when things aren't going your way, it's never too early to call in a bomb threat....
Mike Tyson Is A Marathon Bruncher
It's a lazy Friday morning, so here's a clever little riff from animator Dan Meth — a former Black Tabler — about Mike Tyson's Brunch Out. We played this game so much as a kid that it still shows up in our dreams....
About Last Night
What you missed while filing a sexual harrassment suit against monkeys ... • MLB: Curt and to the point ... Red Sox beat Rockies, 2-1, to take 2-0 World Series lead. • College football: Doug Flutie Matt Ryan engineers miracle comeback for Boston College. • Tennis: Match fixing in the St. Petersburg ...
Brady Quinn's Stone Cold Lead Pipe Locks
We haven't checked in on Brady Quinn in a while: How's our favorite flashdancer doing?...
About Last Night
What you missed while trying to erase your Dumbledore tattoo ... • MLB: Yeah, where's your Messiah now? Red Sox 13, Rockies 1. • NHL: Minnesota's reign of terror has ended. Flames 5, Wild 3. • Tennis: Andy Roddick is upset ... you would be too, if you were beaten by someone named Fabrice....
Maybe Next Time He'll Use Mapquest
Welcome to Long Island; a primitive, lawless land where roving gangs of youth sports parents will take you down like a wounded wildebeast. Snake Pliskin won't even go in there anymore. Last week we told you of the inspiring story of two mob-connected brothers who beat up a Little League coach for be...
About Last Night
What you missed while attempting to herd mice ... • NBA: If the Sonics are 1-5 with Durant, what are they going to look like without him? • NHL: Smyth happens ... Avalanche beat Oilers 5-2, you rejoice or despair, as warranted. • Soccer: Walter Samuel's goal gives Inter Milan 2-1 win at CSKA Moscow....
About Last Night
What you missed while recovering from paintball injuries ... • NFL: Hey, the Colts have a defense too. Indianapolis 29, Jacksonviille 7. • NBA: Knicks' exhibition win over Celtics probably won't be repeated any time soon. New York 94, Boston 87. • Soccer: Whose your daddy? Not Greg Ryan, who is out ...
About Last Night
What you missed while hiding from assassination hit squad monkey gangs ... • MLB: Red Sox win AL pennant, Manny says "Wait 'till next year." Boston 11, Cleveland 2. • NFL: Jason strikes when you least expect it; he cannot be killed. Broncos 31, Steelers 28. • We don't care what you say; they'll alwa...
About Last Night...
What you missed while trying to win that lifetime of free beer prize ... • MLB: Oh yeah? More like Lost-o Carmona! Guffaw! • College Football: I'd say that Auburn ought to do more thinking and Les Miles. • Hey look, Boston! Gagne comes through in extras! Oh ... the hockey one....