out Page 202 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
About Last Night ...
What you missed while roasting your pig and garage ... • Boxing: Arturo Gatti retires after taking a "Contender" Gomez beating. • MLB: Glavine joins the historic 298-win club as Mets edge Reds. • FIFA U-20 World Cup: America, fuck no! Austria upsets the US 2-1....
About Last Night ...
What you missed while eating 15 million ice-cream treats ... • MLB: Sheff hits an "all the way black" granny in Tigers' 6-3 win. • Cycling: Belgian Tom Boonen takes Tour's 6th stage on a BMX bike. • CFL: Bombers lose to Inuit; Stegall still stuck on history....
About Last Night ...
What you missed while wrangling your bats ... • MLB: Manny & Ortiz ...they're cops! • Golf: Phil Mickelson says that if it's not Scottish, it's crap! • Cycling: Cancellara retains the glass slipper....
About Last Night ...
What you missed while wondering what the heck everyone is laughing about ... • Running of the Bulls: Six more people gored today as the bulls threaten to turn this one into a rout. • Soccer: U.S. Under-20 World Cup team beats nation of 1.7 million with a 20 percent unemployment rate. • Fencing: Braz...
About Last Night ...
What you missed while denying thy father and refusing thy name ... • MLB: It goes to 11 ... yeah, If I were Pujols, I'd most likely be peeved as well. AL 5, NL 4. • Cycling: I'm tired, I'm thirsty, and these shorts leave nothing to the imagination. Cancellara wins third stage of Tour de France. • So...
About Last Night ...
What you missed while welcoming your new flea overlords • MLB: Vlad Guerrero wins home run derby, although all the baseballs remained as dry as your grandpappy's scalp. • Cycling: After his win in second stage of Tour de France, there will be a rush of parents naming their babies Gert. • Soccer: Méx...
Richard Gasquet Is Your Not-Gay Semifinalist
Roger Federer, staving off a surprising surge from longtime rival Rafael Nadal, won his fifth consecutive Wimbledon yesterday. (His first Wimbledon win was over that idiot on that dumb NBC reality show, by the way.) But the real winner wasn't Federer, but semifinalist Richard Gasquet, who finally ba...
About Last Night ...
What you missed while taking out a restraining order on Chewbacca ... • Tennis: Federer Express ... One for the Thumb at Wimbledon. • MLB: Alex Rodriguez stages own little private home run derby in Yankees' 12-0 win over Angels. • Golf: Choi to the World ... AT&T National has a champ, and it's not T...
About Last Night ...
• NASCAR: Jamie McMurray takes Pepsi 400 checkered flag by a bottleneck. • MLB: Rangers become hoist by the O's Bedard. Horsefly sex down 300%. • Horse Racing: Panty Raid wins Grade 1 American Oaks, several Tri-Lambdas seen with winning tickets....
About Last Night ...
• MLB: Cleveland pitched fairly well against Toronto. Except for that one inning. • U-20 Soccer: Never did a Brazilian think USA's kids could beat Brazil's kids, let alone be schooled by a teenager named "Jozy." • Wimbledon: Bartoli upsets Henin. It doesn't say how, so I'll assume she stole her husb...
About Last Night ...
What you missed while recovering from your long, long week ... • MLB: The Braves' all-time HR leader is a guy named Chipper. • Golf: A small, angry cloud follows Tiger Woods from hole to hole at the AT&T National. • Soccer: Well, that didn't go very well....
About Last Night ...
What you missed while dropping your pants and firing a rocket ... • MLB: Twins 6, Yankees 2. Happy birthday, George. • Tennis: Nadal beats Soderling at Wimbledon, and it only took 90 hours. • Golf: The Booz Allen Classic update you've been clamoring for....
About Last Night ...
What you missed while achieving total conciousness ... • MLB: The John McLaren Era begins the way you knew it would. Royals 3, Mariners 2. • Soccer: So, is this Paraguay's version of "Do You Believe In Miracles?" Probably not. U.S. falls 3-1 at Copa. • Tennis: Nadal wins to advance at Wimbl ... no w...
Danny Almonte's Big League Dreams
So this is sad: Danny Almonte, the onetime Little League World Series legend who turned out to be older than everyone had sad — and ended up marrying a woman 11 years his senior — is gonna need himself a new career....
Don't Let LaRussa Drink And Select
This is Brian Fuentes, who, until two days ago, was the closer for the Colorado Rockies. He had kind of a rough weekend; he blew saves on both Friday and Saturday, and then gave up two runs in the eighth inning Sunday after manager Clint Hurdle said he was taking the closer's job away from him. It's...
About Last Night ...
What you missed while doubling down on a pair of tens ... • MLB: Yankees terror alert level raised to whatever color that is in Steinbrenner's face ... • Golf: Cristie Kerr wins U.S. Women's Open, can now afford to fix her first name. • Motor sports: Denny Hamlin makes with the vroom to win at New H...
Goodnight, Friends
I suspect that it will be surreal when I wake up next Saturday and have nothing to write. There's a good chance I won't know what to do with myself and I'll end up writing an 11,000 word essay on why I suspect that Ron Gardenhire suffers from erectile dysfunction....
Wal-Mart's Automotive Department Tends To Make Me Cranky, Too
You may remember YouTube sensation Kige Ramsey's feral enthusiasm in this take on the Cincinnati Bengals. Kige is back, and good news: The lighting for his video has improved. Because he's in Wal-Mart. Talking about Michelle Wie. For YouTube....
About Last Night...
• WNBA. Phoenix 92, Houston 75. Penny Taylor captures the world's imagination with 26 glorious points. Or, just scores 26 points. • MLB. Cincinnati 5, St. Louis 1. And at the midpoint of their season, the Reds are just 19 games under .500. • Arena Football. Columbus 56, Tampa Bay 55. This is as exci...
About Last Night...
• Arena Football. Philadelphia Soul 41, Orlando Predators 26. Until Arena Football hires Don Cheadle to do AFL Playoffs commercials, no one's going to care. • MLB. Mets 6, Phillies 5. And then Mets 5, Phillies 2. Billy Wagner finished both games. He's due a good week of rest. • WNBA. Washington Myst...