out Page 203 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
About Last Night...
What you missed, thanks in part to those damn singing condoms... • NCAA Football: Arizona State travels up to Oregon, dies of dysentery. • NASCAR: Carl Edwards overcomes adversity, rookie drivers to win NASCAR's minor league circuit. • MLS: New York England Revolution tax New York Red Bulls without ...
About Last Night ...
♬ And if you say to me tomorrow ♬ oh what fun it all would be ♬ then what's to stop us pretty baby ♬ but what you missed and what should never be ♬ • NHL: Zednik scores twice, but only once in our heart, in Panthers 4-2 in over Sabres. • NBA: For once, Jason Kidd is the humiliated one, in Nets 106-6...
So There's This Big Soccer Game Today, I'm Told
Okay. Take a look to the east. See the sun rising? Okay, look at the little blotch of land right below it. Don't see it? Here, use my binoculars. Hmm... you still don't see it? Okay, well look at this Mercator projection map. Right there. England. Located somewhere in that country, probably in that ...
Greetings, Spinheads
Hello again, faceless internet cro-mags. A.J. Daulerio here to guide you through this glorious autumn day full of dead leaves on the dirty ground and sweaters stuffed with cold tits. Hopefully, I'll play a small part in making your day of corporate drudgery fly by as quickly as possible so you can a...
About Last Night
What you missed while getting Jack Bauer arrested ... • College football: Sean Glennon beats Georgia Tech while wearing one of their own jerseys. • NBA: Our new Houston Rockets overlords have installed Tracy McGrady as their king ... • NHL: Henrik Zetterberg beats out Flames to lead Red Wings to sev...
Raiders Fans Would Rather Look Elsewhere, Thank You
It's not easy being a Raiders fan. First off: What goes with black? Seriously! It's also difficult to find time to cheer, what with all the drinking of infant's blood. And worst off, the Raiders' lousy game with the Texans this Sunday happens to be at the same time as The Most Important Battle Betwe...
About Last Night
You wake up with your head inside a pumpkin and sans pants. We'll fill you in ... • NBA: The Tempest that is Zydrunas Ilgauskas not enough to stave off Mavericks. Dallas 92, Cleveland 74. • NHL: Modano reaches milestone [redacted]. Modano still one assist short. Blackhawks 5, Stars 4. • Soccer: Welc...
About Last Night
What you missed while mourning the passing of Robert Goulet ... • NBA: Bryant scores 45, Lakers lose ... two great tastes that go great together. • NHL: Thrashers beat Canadiens in shootout ... a sentence which would have looked very odd if you had seen it 10 years ago. • MLB: Red Sox victory parade...
About Last Night
What you missed while scouring eBay for dog mittens ... • NFL: Yeah, it's the Broncos' run defense that's the problem. Packers 19, Broncos 13, OT. • NHL: Rangers lose teeth, win game, 3-1 over Lightning. • Tennis: Mario Ancic rallies to beat someone with a hyphenated name in Paris Masters....
And Jesus Said, Turn The Other Cheek
Two surprising things about this item: 1. It didn't happen in Long Island, and 2. It wasn't featured in any of the Porky's movies. Other than that, hey, I stopped being shocked at the antics of youth sports parents and coaches long ago....
About Last Night
What you missed while winning the cardboard tube fighting championship ... • MLB: Boston sweeps Colorado in four, will now move on to ... to ... um, did you say baseball season is over? Don't be ridiculous ... • NFL: An American Slopfest in London ... Dolphins now winless in Europe as well after 13-...
About Last Night
What you missed while hitting a double off of the Rockies... • MLB: The Boston Red Sox cannot be stopped...on the field. • CFB: Penn State lost a big game, yet the Earth's rotation continues. • CFB: Kansas is still undefeated. Yay!...
What, No Facepaint?
For a franchise with such a short and unremarkable history the Carolina Panthers sure seem to attract an odd level of devotion. Most recently a curious young couple thought fit to devote their entire wedding ceremony to the team they love so much....
About Last Night
What you missed while thanking the heroes... • NBA: Kevin Garnett's triple-double was too much for LeBron in a game that didn't count. Exactly how long do we have to wait for Garnett to get hurt? This whole Boston thing can't really work, Doc Rivers wouldn't let that happen. • MLB: There wasn't a ga...
For Giants Fans, Crazy Is As Crazy Does
Sure the Red Sox have a bit of momentum going, and it looks like they're going to cruise to their second World Series title. That's because Colorado Rockies fans are relatively new at this. They don't understand that, when things aren't going your way, it's never too early to call in a bomb threat....
Mike Tyson Is A Marathon Bruncher
It's a lazy Friday morning, so here's a clever little riff from animator Dan Meth — a former Black Tabler — about Mike Tyson's Brunch Out. We played this game so much as a kid that it still shows up in our dreams....
About Last Night
What you missed while filing a sexual harrassment suit against monkeys ... • MLB: Curt and to the point ... Red Sox beat Rockies, 2-1, to take 2-0 World Series lead. • College football: Doug Flutie Matt Ryan engineers miracle comeback for Boston College. • Tennis: Match fixing in the St. Petersburg ...
Brady Quinn's Stone Cold Lead Pipe Locks
We haven't checked in on Brady Quinn in a while: How's our favorite flashdancer doing?...
About Last Night
What you missed while trying to erase your Dumbledore tattoo ... • MLB: Yeah, where's your Messiah now? Red Sox 13, Rockies 1. • NHL: Minnesota's reign of terror has ended. Flames 5, Wild 3. • Tennis: Andy Roddick is upset ... you would be too, if you were beaten by someone named Fabrice....