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Melvin Gordon's Failed Holdout Is Over

Three weeks into the regular season, Chargers running back Melvin Gordon has ended his holdout and is planning to return to the team on Thursday, according to Ian Rapoport....

And Now, An Outrageous Throw From Mookie Betts

If you, like me, find yourself yearning for a throw that did not result in an interception tonight, I give you this Mookie Betts outfield assist from Boston’s game against Tampa Bay, which is so cool it should be illegal....

Nutty Blackmail Plot Involves "Well-Known" Premier League Player Jumping Out Hotel Window Mid-Booty Call

When one Premier League player, whose name is being protected by the authorities, walked into Natalie Wood’s hotel room last year and began to undress, he must’ve believed he was only in for another night of fun and sex with the woman for whom he’d been cheating on his partner. Instead, before the p...

Show Us Your Best Sam Darnold Memes, Using This Generator

Our old pal Tim Burke went and made a generator for that wonderfully incongruent graphic of Jets quarterback Sam Darnold that aired this week during ESPN’s Monday Night Football. Try it for yourself!...

This Might Finally Be It For Eli Manning

“They absolutely are this bad,” Barry Petchesky wrote about the New York Giants exactly 365 days ago. The team had just lost to the Dallas Cowboys in a supremely listless Monday Night Football appearance. I watched it with a friend who was visiting from out of town amid a rapidly thinning crowd in a...

Dipshit NFL Reporter Exposes His Entire Ass With Blockheaded Tweets About Antonio Brown's Rape Case

Oftentimes, the worst examples of society’s despicable penchant for immediately blaming and/or discrediting women who report being victims of sexual assault are relegated to anonymous, obscure social media posters and website commenters. Other times, the dumbfucks embodying the trend are people with...

Kobe Bryant Finds Outlet For Passive Aggression In Youth Basketball Team

Kobe Bryant, when not sloppily cosplaying Michael Jordan, has been sharing occasional updates on his Mambas youth team. Two days ago, the retired Laker congratulated the girls after they beat an opponent by 88 points. Yesterday, he shared an image of a fourth-place trophy they received two years ago...

Ostensibly Serious Sports Broadcaster To Put On "Boxing Match" Between YouTube Ding Dongs

What’s up YouTubers, welcome back to Da Zone, the exclusive home of Canelo Alvarez, but somehow also the exclusive home of a deeply embarrassing fake boxing match....

The Chargers Will Go On Squeezing Melvin Gordon

While last night brought reports that progress is being made in Ezekiel Elliott’s holdout with the Cowboys, Melvin Gordon’s standoff with the Chargers produced much more grim news. According to Chargers GM Tom Telesco, it’s looking increasingly likely that Gordon has played his last game with the te...

Zhang Weili Needed Just 42 Dominant Seconds To Become The First Chinese UFC Champ

This May, Jessica Andrade won herself the UFC strawweight championship with one of the most overwhelming displays of athleticism you’ll see all year when she picked up Rose Namajunas and slammed her on her head. Andrade lost the first round of that fight, yet once she picked up on Namajunas’s timing...

The Georgia Tech Defense Is Full Of Clout Sharks

College football gimmicks are fun. Everyone loves Miami’s turnover chain and touchdown rings; Florida State’s turnover backpack was ... okay, and who could forget Kennesaw State’s wonderful turnover plank? Unfortunately, it is possible that Georgia Tech killed the entire sideline gimmick industry du...

Pee-Wee Football Violence Prompts ESPN-On-ESPN Violence [Update]

Update (3:15 p.m. ET): SportsCenter deleted the tweet. Here’s a screenshot:...

Check Out Tom Brady And His Stupid Hat

Check out Tom Brady’s stupid hat! He wore it last night after the Patriots’ 10-3 preseason win over the Panthers. It’s a nice big hat, one that might protect you from the sun’s harmful rays. Unfortunately for Tom, he wore the hat indoors at 10:30 at night. Tom Brady’s sold monorails to Brockway, Ogd...

CNN Wonders If Smartphones Are Why The Tennis Youth Can't Beat Roger Federer

An article over at CNN today formally advances a claim dropped casually by commentators, coaches, fans, and any crank with a taste for caricaturing a whole generation. Here goes: Smartphones are hampering tennis’s young players, which is why they can’t stop the Big Three in the men’s game, who enjo...

Philippe Coutinho Never Made Sense At Barcelona, And Now He's Gone

Turns out, there was no happy ending, only a long, sad breakup. ...

Georgia Southern QB Has Charges Dropped After Cops Mistook Bird Poop For Cocaine

Georgia Southern starting QB Shai Werts was charged on July 31 for misdemeanor cocaine possession after cops in Saluda County, South Carolina pulled him over for speeding and then tested a white substance on the hood of his car. If you’re wondering why anyone would have cocaine on the hood of their ...

Horny <i>Times</i> Columnist Would Like To Know Who's Down To Fuck

I have not been a regular reader of the Times’s Ross Douthat since the 2016 presidential campaign, and I was not a regular reader of his before that. Unlike David Brooks and Bret Stephens, the other fussy right-wing cheese heaps who pretend to dislike Donald Trump for the Times, I do not have a stan...

Jaguars' Yannick Ngakoue Ends Holdout Without New Contract

Jaguars defensive end Yannick Ngakoue brought his 11-day holdout to an end on Sunday and reported to training camp without the new contract he had been looking for....

Phillies Pitcher Vince Velasquez Was The Best Left Fielder In Baseball For One Night

Baseball is always at its weirdest in deep extra innings, and thanks to Philadelphia Phillies pitcher Vince Velasquez, we have another point of evidence for that axiom. In the 14th inning of Friday’s game against the Chicago White Sox, Velasquez did something no pitcher had done in nearly 39 years: ...

Outside The Lines has a stunning story about about Olympic hurdler and longtime track coach Conrad Mainwaring, who now stands accused of molesting 41 boys who he trained over the last 44 years. His alleged crimes were brought to light in part because some of his victims found each other in the comme...