out Page 74 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Shane Long Sets New Premier League Record For Fastest Goal By Scoring In Seven Seconds
Shane Long wasted literally no time putting Southampton up on Watford today, throwing his body in front of a Craig Cathcart pass and running onto the deflected ball before flipping it over Watford’s keeper just 7.69 seconds into the match, making it the fastest goal ever scored in Premier League his...
Welcome To The Jon Gruden Show
The NFL Draft is the world’s largest nonsense bazaar, and more tonnage is shoveled in the final two weeks than in the other 50 combined, so when Ian Rapoport tweeted out the other day that Jon Gruden and Mike Mayock sent all the Raiders’ scouts home and did not expect to recall them before the NFL D...
Angels' Justin Bour Gave Up An Embarrassing Double-Play Because Of A Massive Brain Fart
In the bottom of the eighth against the Mariners on Friday, Angels first baseman Justin Bour popped a ball up over the infield on the same pitch that his teammate, Brian Goodwin, had tried to steal second. Bour assumed that the pop-up would result in an easy out and started walking to the dugout str...
Sure, Here's Dwight Howard Singing "Get Low" At Karaoke
To the windowww, to the wall. Dwight should stick to basketball....
Oakland's Lou Trivino Continues To Do Filthy Things On The Mound
In just his second season pitching in the majors, Lou Trivino is still doing the same nasty stuff from the mound that caused him to have a breakout year for the Athletics in 2018. The late-game reliever has continued to baffle batters with his arsenal of pitches that includes his infamous cutter, a ...
Philippe Coutinho And Barcelona Might Yet Have A Happy Ending Together
When Barcelona purchased Philippe Coutinho from Liverpool back in the winter of 2018 for an eye-popping €160 million fee, Blaugrana fans thought they had found their next Andrés Iniesta. It made sense: Coutinho can dribble, create, and score all at elite levels, and though the Brazilian needed to wo...
Sharks' Logan Couture Is Thankful He Didn't Lose A Testicle When A Hockey Puck Hit Him In The Dick And Balls
Down 4-3 in the second period, the San Jose Sharks had an opportunity to tie up the game when they were awarded a power play. But as the countdown clock for the penalty reached its final 30 seconds, it was Vegas that would end up with the goal-scoring opportunity. Reilly Smith passed the puck from t...
Mike Trout Absolutely Wore Out The Rangers
Mike Trout’s career is definitive proof that no matter how singularly great a baseball player is, he cannot carry the other 24 schlubs on the roster to postseason glory. He can, however, spend four days making life miserable for an opposing team....
Justin Gaethje Is A Terrifying Madman
After throwing his fist through the face of Brazilian kicking master Edson Barboza in a bout last weekend, Justin Gaethje concluded his fifth fight under the UFC banner in brief, brutal fashion. In that span, he’s scooped up six post-fight bonus awards, which somehow seems insufficient for someone a...
Get A Load Of This Absolutely Nutso Tornado Kick Knockout
Romanian kickboxer Eduard Gafencu is only 10 fights into his young professional career, but he already has a career-defining knockout. Gafencu defended his Colosseum Tournament 81-kg belt against poor Thomas Doeve today in Bucharest, Romania, and even though Doeve is thrice as experienced as Gafencu...
Australian Shopping Center Terrorized By A Pair Of Hellion Nine-Year-Olds
Two extremely, ah, feisty(?) nine-year-old girls went on an absolute fucking rampage at the Helensvale Shopping Centre in Gold Coast, Queensland, Australia yesterday. And by “absolute fucking rampage” I mean that they abused an old lady, spat on, punched, and kicked a security guard, and danced on a...
Baseball Will Outlive These Complaints Too
When His Exalted Malignancy Magary I churned out his latest Funbag under the headline “Would You Rather Be Born Old Or Die Young?” I thought of baseball, and how it has become this new battleground for the end of one generation at the neglectful hands of the next. That’s the New Narrative, ladles an...
Anthony Pettis's Superman Punch KO Was Flawless And Brutal
The main event of Saturday night’s UFC Fight Night card lasted two rounds, and Anthony Pettis spent the bulk of that time getting picked apart by Stephen “Wonderboy” Thompson. It was a suitably thorough performance from one of the UFC’s most accomplished kickboxers, right up until the moment Pettis ...
Report: Mike Trout Getting So Much Goddamn Money To Remain An Angel Forever
ESPN’s Jeff Passan is reporting that the Los Angeles Angels and Mike Trout are finalizing a contract extension worth $430 million over 12 years. This deal would become the richest in American pro sports history....
Guy In Charge Of Protecting Cam Newton On The Field Couldn't Protect Himself From Getting Knocked Out On The Street
Footage from a security camera caught Carolina Panthers guard Taylor Hearn getting knocked out cold while fighting someone who clearly did not match his 6-foot-4-inch frame or was anywhere near the lineman’s listed weight at 315 lbs. ...
Monmouth Coach King Rice Calls Out Absurd MAAC Rules That Prevented Him From Bringing His 7-Year-Old Son To The Postgame Press Conference
The Monmouth Hawks defeated the Quinnipiac Bobcats on Saturday 98-92 to advance to the semifinals of the Metro Atlantic Athletic Conference (MAAC) tournament. But the win wasn’t the only thing on Monmouth coach King Rice’s mind after the game. Instead, he used the first half of his opening remarks t...
Postgame Dispute Results In One Golfer Headbutting Another Golfer Into A Window
Anyone who plays a sport at any level usually has the fire of a competitive spirit constantly burning inside of them. Sometimes it can be used as motivation to propel you to victory, other times it can manifest itself into a type of anger that causes you to headbutt another person through a window. ...
Adrian Dantley Returned To The Site Of A Legendary Prep Hoops Debacle, This Time As A Kids' Rec League Ref
Adrian Dantley just refereed my son Eddie’s rec league game. An NBA all-timer and maybe the best little big man in the history of the game, working a weeknight seventh-grade playoff at D.C.’s Jelleff Recreation Center....
The Angels Would Like Bryce Harper To Stop Talking About Recruiting Mike Trout
Brand new Philadelphia Phillie Bryce Harper caught everyone’s attention when he told reporters that he plans on calling Angels superstar Mike Trout to recruit him to Philadelphia when Trout’s contract expires in 2020. According to the Los Angeles Times, the Angels were not very happy about this, and...
UFC Class Clown Johnny Walker Wrecked His Opponent Then Wrecked Himself Doing The Worm
The last time we saw UFC court jester Johnny Walker in the octagon a month ago, he pretended to strip while getting prepped for his fight, knocked out Justin Ledet in 15 seconds with an outlandish combo, and then celebrated with a solid minute of gyration. Thankfully, he sustained zero damage in tha...