out Page 94 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Le'Veon Bell Isn't Being Subtle
The Steelers have been busy keeping their own and adding to their roster this offseason. Don’t think running back Le’Veon Bell hasn’t noticed....
Just What In The Goddamn Hell Are Barcelona Doing In The Transfer Market?
Death, taxes, and Barcelona doing some fuck shit in the summer 2017 transfer window. These are the three constants in life, and boy does that last one keep reminding us of its omnipresence....
Rich Piana Lived As Big As He Was
Many people die as they live. There are the Reinhard Heydrichs who go out feeling the same pain they caused in their lives run through their urethras before the light flickers out, the King Fahds who sit in luxury as their hearts murmur then finally flatline, and the Michael Jacksons who perish in c...
32 Paragraphs About 32 Teams: A Thinking Fan's Guide To The NFL Season
The following is excerpted from the team chapters of the always-excellent Football Outsiders Almanac. Buy it here as a PDF, or here in print....
Don't Run On Mike Trout
It sometimes feels almost cruel that the brilliance of Mike Trout is so often wasted on moments and games that seem wholly irrelevant, which is why it’s such a joy to finally see an at least semi-competitive Angels team in a season that’s shaping up as Trout’s best yet. (Time spent on the disabled l...
Bournemouth Player Prevents Possible Goal Using Nothing But His Voice
Saturday’s Bournemouth-Watford game featured a curious incident when Nathaniel Chalobah, in perfect position to score, ran up to and right on past the ball seemingly for no good reason. Thanks to the fine folks at the BBC’s Match of the Day, we now know that this wasn’t an inexplicable brain fart on...
Lack Of Players And Player Safety Concerns Kill Varsity Football At D.C. Area High School
A suburban Maryland high school is permanently disbanding its varsity football program due to a lack of players as well as concerns over player safety, reports the Washington Post....
How Barcelona's Scramble To Replace Neymar Might Send Christian Pulisic To The Stars<em></em>
It wasn’t really supposed to happen like this. French teen sensation Kylian Mbappé was slated to be this summer’s headlining transfer, with the usual suspects in Madrid, Paris, and Barcelona fighting over the right to pay one-sixth of a billion dollars for his signature. Instead, Neymar somehow went...
This ESPN Fantasy Football Auction Segment Is ... Yikes
I don’t know if this tone-deaf fantasy football auction segment that ESPN2 aired yesterday, with its galling resemblance to a slave auction, means that nobody involved in its production saw or understood Get Out, or if they’ve never read a history book, or if they’re all just really dumb, nor do I k...
Philippe Coutinho Stars In The Hit New Transfer Soap Opera Of The Summer
We all laughed and cried together at every unpredictable twist during the summer’s preeminent melodrama known as NeyWatch, and we were sad to see it end. Luckily for us, that saga was such a hit that it has led to a spin-off series starring a couple of the same characters—namely Barcelona and Philip...
Mike Trout's Shortest Season Is His Most Impressive Yet
Mike Trout got his 1,000th hit last night, on his 26th birthday, and yet that’s not even the most absurd Mike Trout Number to obsess over today. Here is something to really blow your mind:...
Substances Dumped On Mike Trout's Head To Celebrate His Birthday, Ranked
Today was Mike Trout’s 26th birthday. He recorded his 1,000th hit. He hit a home run. He remains so spectacularly talented to be almost boringly so, with no indication that he will develop any flaws soon. Here are his teammates, celebrating this glorious day by dumping all manner of stuff upon his h...
Duane Brown's Holdout Is A Test
Duane Brown is testing the system. Brown, who is about to enter his 10th season as the Texans’ starting left tackle, has not reported for the start of training camp. He has two non-guaranteed years remaining on his contract, and he wants a new deal....
NeyWatch: Neymar Finally Decides To Play For ... Whoever Brings In Coutinho
Welcome to NeyWatch, a series in which we catch up with the daily, often contradictory updates on the hottest story of the summer....
Ice Cube's "Take Me Out To The Ballgame" Ensures No One Will Ever Confuse Him For A Singer
Today Ice Cube continued the Wrigley Field tradition of rappers performing “Take Me Out To The Ballgame” in an ear-splittingly bad manner. How bad was it, ma’am?...
Popular Twin Vloggers Are The Sons Of Former Romanian World Champion Gymnast
This week, former Vine star and current Disney Channel actor Jake Paul was revealed to be a horrendous nightmare of a neighbor. In some of his videos are a a set of twins named Marcus and Lucas Dobre. Though they regularly collaborate with Paul, the Dobres have a much more notable name helping them:...
Why'd You Dress Up?
I see you. Spandex. Spiderman. I see you there. What are you doing? ...
The Youth Olympic Games Is Crowdsourcing For Breaking Competitors<em></em>
In 2018, the Youth Olympic Games will feature a breaking competition. And selection for this new competition, at least the early round, will be done through social media....
Ornery Columnist: Snacks In Youth Sports Are Making America Soft
Snacks: Are there too many of them? I don’t know—when I look in my pantry, I am often disappointed by how few snacks there are. If you ask me, there should be a lot more snacks around me at all times. Snacks are good is a broadly popular opinion, judging by the contents of aisles four thru six of my...