owl Page 255 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Why Did A Dodgers Employee Make A Happy Kid Hand Over A Foul Ball Today? (UPDATED)
We all know times are tight for the Dodgers franchise. But there's only one person who knows why a kid who retrieved a foul ball during the sixth inning of today's game against the Phillies was forced to part with a lifelong souvenir. The world demands answers, mean Dodgers employee who probably h...
The Mets Are Now Losing The Ability To Stand Upright
The Mets reached .500 with a 9-8 win over the Padres last night. They're now 57-57 and a mere 17.5 games out of first in the NL East. But on the second batter he faced, starter Mike Pelfrey did not inspire appropriate confidence for the 21,000 who made it out to Citi Field. We'll consider it just ...
<em>Welcome Back, JaMarcus</em>: Russell Will Return To LSU In The Fall To Take Some Classes
LSU Sports Information Director Michael Bonnette tweeted yesterday that former Oakland Raiders quarterback JaMarcus Russell would be returning to Baton Rouge to take classes in the fall. In his honor, we've cut you the opening credits of Welcome Back, JaMarcus....
This Is Why You Should Bring A Glove If You're Gonna Sit Near The Right-Field Foul Pole At Yankee Stadium
It is, like, the least surprising thing in the world that this Yankee fan, who got hit in the face with a foul ball, is holding a BlackBerry. His collar is popped under his Yankees t-shirt. Ugh....
On Future Bicycle Kicks, Do Not Aim For Your Face
Chelsea midfielder Yossi Benayoun is probably a very good football player, and it undoubtedly takes a great deal of athleticism to put oneself in position to kick the ball into one's own face. But still. He kicked the ball into his face! When he coulda kicked it into the goal! What a loser!...
Mario Balotelli Punished For "Unprofessional"-And-Also-Failed Backheel Goal Attempt
Mario Balotelli, the 20-year-old Italian striker who plays for Manchester City, attempted a backheel goal in a friendly against the L.A. Galaxy on Saturday, and it did not go well. He missed the goal by a few feet and was immediately pulled from the game. Youth soccer coaches across the world are ...
You Can Say "Circumcising Mosquitoes" On <em>PTI</em>, But You Can't Say It Thrice
The gentlemen on Pardon The Interruption exceeded the quota for the amount of times one can say some variation of the phrase "circumcising mosquitoes" on live television today. Cowlishaw, quoting (and imitating) Cowboys owner Jerry Jones, gets in two mentions, but Wilbon never gets his chance. The...
Packers DB Sam Shields Gets Giant, Painful-Looking Super Bowl Ring Tattooed On His Neck
Super Bowl winners receive championship rings—expensive, garish things—but they're tangible. You can hang on to your triumph through karats....
Cubs And Marlins Do Their Best To Out-Lowlight One Another
The Cubs blew a 3 2-0 lead against the Marlins last night in a ninth inning that saw Chicago closer Carlos Marmol booed off the mound by the friendly hometown crowd. The hurt started with this Greg Dobbs hit to right field, which — despite Dewayne Wise's unprovoked face-plant as he headed toward h...
Here's Video Of A Ukrainian Goalkeeper Making What Has To Be The Worst Play Of His Career
In Ukrainian Premier League action yesterday, a Volyn Lutsk defender scored from roughly 45 yards out during a match against Kryvbas Krivyi Rih. He did so by passing the ball to his own goalkeeper, Vitaliy Nedilko, who had a difficult time of stopping it before it cost his side a 1-0 loss....
"A Good Deed Never Goes Unpunished, You Know?": Meet The Innovator Who Helped Orchestrate <em>The Decision</em>
There's another important American anniversary to celebrate this week, and one that we should all be congratulated for enduring together: a year ago this Friday, July 8, LeBron James settled into a director's chair at a Greenwich Boys & Girls Club and told Jim Gray about biting his fingernails. He a...
Here's Video Of A Pro Bowler Getting All Gutter Mouthed With A Foe
Let tipster hoseman666 explain this bit of profane professional-bowling fury for you:...
Litigious, Displaced, Already Reiumbursed Super Bowl Fans Are Asking For Even More Money
Hey, remember those cranky folks who couldn't get their Super Bowl seats? Remember how they're suing, and how $5 million wouldn't be enough in remuneration?...
Here's Video Of John Wall's Failed Attempt To Throw A Baseball More Than 30 Feet
When the Washington Nationals called on Wizards guard John Wall to throw out the ceremonial first pitch of yesterday's interleague game against the Baltimore Orioles, it was a decent nod to everybody within the same NBA market. When Wall threw the ball, though, it was an affront to physics and the...
PGA's Young Golfers Form Parody Boy Band, Sing And Rap Horribly, We All Die A Little Inside
Tipster William writes in to alert us to "some kind of music group [Bubba Watson, Rickie Fowler, Hunter Mahan, and Ben Crane] have put together." He says it seems like it's a joke and publicity stunt. And it's "very, very lame."...
Watch Man U's Gary Neville Throw A Truly Terrible First Pitch At A White Sox Game
Gary Neville, who played right back for England and Manchester United for perhaps forever, before retiring this year, was in Chicago on Thursday night to throw out the first pitch before the White Sox-A's game. Man U and the Chicago Fire will be playing a friendly shortly. He and his 400 caps are ...
This Was A Terrible Penalty Kick Until It Was A Goal
A match between Termeno and Dro, two clubs in Italy's lower division, went to penalty kicks earlier in the week. A Termeno player's attempt hit the crossbar, and as the Dro keeper sprinted towards his teammates in celebration, the ball came down with enough backspin to carry it into the net. Terme...
Ohio Police Capture Drunken Local Werewolf
People of the greater Cleveland area, we get it. You miss LeBron and you're upset that he might win a championship. Noted. But that's no excuse to let wolfmen roam free. This young 20 year-old wolfman is likely especially spry, and he claims to have a military background. If you've ever played disco...
Schools That Won The BCS Championship In 2004, Step Forward. Not So Fast, USC
The Bowl Championship Series just announced it will strip USC of its 2004 national title, the final ruling in the long strange Reggie Bush investigation. USC remains the AP National Champions, because the AP isn't stupid enough to pretend that there's a guiltless team out there. Congratulations, Okl...
Watch This Heroic Linesman Valiantly Try To Keep The Portland Timbers Undefeated At Home
Despite the best efforts of its alcoholic fans and a possibly drunk linesman, the Portland Timbers finally lost at home this past weekend. For a while, though, it looked like Portland might steal a victory from visiting DC United. That was because the refereeing crew seemed determined to give the ...