owl Page 277 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
This Defense Would Require A Rather Intense Glove
We've always wondered what inspires people to attend a professional bowling event; it's not nearly as exciting as it looks like in Kingpin. But now that we've seen this guy's sign, we understand a little bit....
Somewhere There's A Tom Brady Voodoo Doll With A Pin In Its Foot
Your chances of seeing Matt Gutierrez at quarterback in the Super Bowl just improved slightly on Monday, as Tom Brady was spotted hobbling down a New York sidewalk in a foot cast. Now what this means is not clear; all that we know for certain is that Brady's foot speed is pretty much unchanged. My g...
The Six Storylines You're Already Sick Of
Because we're all gonna be hearing every single storyline between now and two freaking weeks from now, let's go ahead and run the obvious ones down, right here, to get 'em out of the way....
If You Don't Cook Brats, The Terrorists Win
As mentioned, we're heading to Glendale for the Super Bowl this year — yes, yes, book promotion — and we were looking forward to walking around some of the tailgates beforehand on Super Sunday. But we'd forgotten: They don't allow tailgates at the Super Bowl. A travesty, and now some people are tryi...
At Least One Super Bowl Ad Won't Be Funny
I've just been wired an announcement from the Department of Stuff We Already Friggin' Learned In Third Grade: drugs are bad for you and they're illegal. Did you know they're illegal? They're also bad for you. Apparently the DSWAFLTG is not on the same page with the WHONDCP (White House Office of Nat...
The End Of The Bowl Season, At Last
Well, the bowls are finally over, and we thank The Wizard Of Odds for this compendium of amusing screenshots from each bowl. Ah, the bowls: They were over before we even noticed we were supposed to notice....
Deadspin At Super Bowl XLII
We are put a wee 19 days from the Super Bowl, held in the Pink Taco in Glendale, Arizona. And we are very pleased to announce that, for the first time, we will be attending....
Salvaging The Massacre In Mobile
Poor Illinois. Poor Hawaii. You folks think you can fathom utter and total humiliation in a January bowl game? Because when you reach over and put your hand into a pile of goo that was your alma mater's football team, you'll know what to do!...
Mangino, Orange Become One
He went down to quick defeat in the SHOTY First Round, but Kansas coach Mark Mangino proved his mettle last night; that Kansas team might have pretty good, doggunit....
The Only Playoff Simulation That Matters
Above is the second half of the Giants-Buccaneers tilt; it's amazing how compelling watching the final seconds turns out to be. We are almost certain that will be more entertaining than the actual game....
Meet Your Three Pick 'Em Winners
We'd like to take a brief moment to congratulate R. Flemming, L.M. and Adam Hall for finishing first in our Pants Party Pick 'Em Group. They each had 179 points to tie for first out of 1,575 entries...
Witness The Pagentry Of The International Bowl
It can't be easy to promote the International Bowl in Toronto. It's Rutgers vs. Ball State, smack in the middle of a bunch of bowls that actually, you know, matter. (Well, kind of.) How do you sell it? How do you make people want to watch?...
Our On-Site Report From The Ice Bowl
Jack Kukoda is a native of Buffalo, NY and is a writer for the Onion News Network. He lives in New York City now. And he was at the outdoors Sabres-Penguins game yesterday and files this most amusing report....
Welcome To The System Quarterback Club, Colt
Tiny tidbits and news niblets from the OTHER bowl games yesterday ......
The Rose Bowl In The Twilight Zone
The question we've been discussing with fellow Illini fans over the last 12 hours or so; was it really worth it? Was it worth watching our Illini be absolutely destroyed in the Rose Bowl yesterday? Wouldn't we all have been better off if Illinois had a more competitive, fun, matchup against Florida ...
Ron Zook, Somewhat Less Intense This Week
We will say this: It is unlikely this photo above is going to replace Ron Zook Pisses Intensity Photo....