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Drew Rosenhaus Is A Master At The Art of Circumlocution
The Deadspin Morning Video Wake Up Call will return through the holidays. If you have any suggested videos to fill this space, email us. Subject: Morning Video Wake Up Call....

Shatner's Short-Term Red Sox Memory, Sabathia And Manny Head Arbitration List, And Everyone Wants To Buy The Cubs
• He's Also Not Very Good At Fractions. Come with us now as William Shatner is tested for Alzheimer's on an episode of Boston Legal. He does great when asked about the 1967 Red Sox, but he's a little confused at the question "Who is the best Red Sox pitcher this season?" To which he answers, "Josh P...

Good Night, Sweet Comet Boy
There are many ways to remember the Houston Comets, one of the original WNBA franchises which announced on Monday that it was being disbanded. The sister team of the Houston Rockets won the first four WNBA championships, once included the league's first MVP, Cynthia Cooper, and had on its roster las...

Morning Blogdome: Ted Rogers Logs Off Forever
• Roger, over and out: Ted Rogers—of Rogers Cable, Rogers Internet, Rogers Dome, and the Toronto Blue Rogers—has died at age 75. At times like these, it's important to think about what really matters ... specifically, how does this affect the Buffalo Bills? [First Time, Long Time]...

Illegal Contact, Packers, 15 Yards And Automatic Loss Of Beer
It's two days later, and all of North Carolina is still in a lather over this Packers fan, who took exception to the Panthers' DeAngelo Williams tossing his touchdown footballs to Carolina fans in the front row of the end zone stands at Lambeau. This one was completed, but the next one was successfu...

No, This Is How You Wrap Your Hand Around Erin Andrews' Waist
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap....

Baby Mangino May Be An Unstoppable Force
If you haven't seen the current results of the SHOTY voting so far, it appears that the cherubic, fake-mustachioed visage of bouncy Baby Mangino will be tough to beat in this year's field. He's currently waxing Brett Favre with 86% of the vote. Even though Favre's tumultuous year has made him a legi...

Alex Rodriguez's Madonna Problem Is Not Going Away
Even though we covered — okay I did — the crap out of the original rumors about Madonna and Alex Rodriguez's alleged relationship over the summer, there's been little else to say about it. Partially because the initial rumors seemed entirely implausible and preposterous. Most of that coverage was su...

Gun Safety Tips From Plaxico Burress
If you're looking for a bedtime story for your children tonight, may we suggest the felony criminal complaint of one Plaxico M. Burress. (It needs the initial, don't you think?) It's very short, but also very compelling and there's a life lesson in there for all of us. Namely, put down the wine befo...

To Watch Tonight
What to watch while you find an excuse to drink alcohol for breakfast ......

It'll Only Seem Like An Eternity
I know that you'll probably lose the deposit, but some of you Red Sox fans may want to ditch your previous choice for your eternal resting place and go with this, the Red Sox Casket offered at Rockland Funeral Home. Spend eternity in the loving embrace of the Sox, which is more than Manny ever did. ...

Afternoon Blogdome: Would The Knicks Do This For You?
• Nice try: If you think putting a Cavalier Girl in a bubble bath with another naked lady is going to keep LeBron in Cleveland ... well, it can't hurt. [Don Chavez] (Site's down. Let's pretend this never happened.)...

The Curious Case of Fred Hickman
Most of you probably don't remember Fred Hickman's somewhat brief tenure as an ESPN anchor and talking head and most of you also were probably unaware that the man is no longer working for them. Hickman was signed on from the YES network in 2004 to a significant contract to come over to the WWL, due...

If The Dodgers Sign Manny Ramirez, A Child May Go Hungry
Frank and Jamie McCourt have a proposition for you, Dodgers fans. Instead of signing Manny Ramirez and CC Sabathia to put a competitive team on the field, wouldn't you rather have 50 brand new Little League fields? They'll even throw in some bats and a bucket or two of baseballs. Think about it, cit...

David Frost Wins Sexual Exploitation Trial With Class And Dignity
Most folks, after they narrowly avoid conviction on charges of sexual exploitation of minors, tend to lay low for awhile, graciously enjoying their freedom while the storm of publicity and bad feelings is given time to blow over. But not Canadian junior hockey guru David Frost. Nope. He's using his ...

The French Get A Real Kick Out Of Stretcher Mishaps
There's something about the game of soccer that lends itself to stretcher mishaps; lucky for us. And when it happens in France, where the medics dress as if they're expecting a hotel fire, all the more hilarious. At any rate, add the above video to my collection, which is chronicled below....

"Wonderful Boyfriend" Makes Up Other Half Of Iowa Bathroom Sex Team
A thought occurred to me this weekend—we all know the face and identity of the the um ... "unfortunate" woman who got it on with a complete stranger in a Metrodome bathroom while her husband sat in the seats not wondering what was taking so long. (It helps that she's now given two interviews to loca...

College Football Roundup: Every Game Counts...Except When They Don't and Texas Gets Messed With
Oklahoma beat Oklahoma State late Saturday night 61-41. This score was enough to vault the Sooners ahead of Texas in the BCS Standings and, as a result, send them into the Big 12 Title Game against Missouri courtesy of the fifth tiebreak. (The sixth tiebreak was, in a nice nod to BCS totalitariianis...

Plaxico Burress Takes The Perp Walk
A loyal Deadspin reader who we will call "Ray," waited out the 17th Precinct in Midtown Manhattan today to catch one of the most time-honored traditions in sports—the athlete perp walk. Citizen journalism!...

Michael Phelps Doesn't Need Your $5,000,000
We still have no conclusive evidence that explains the Michael Phelps Phenomenon—after all, he is just a swimmer—but perhaps our esteemed colleague Señor Tuffy Pants, M.D., does need to reconsider his conclusion that Aqua Boy is not "exceptionally rich." The guy turns down more multi-million endorse...