pee Page 9 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
I'm A Grown Man Who Wet The Bed. What Do I Do Now?
Jolie Kerr is a cleaning expert and advice columnist. She'll be here every week helping to answer your filthiest questions. Are you dirty? Check the Squalor Archive for assistance. Are you still dirty? Email her....
The Future Song "Peacoat" Is About Fashion And Peeing On A Girl
Atlanta rapper Future and beloved veteran producer Zaytoven just put out a great new mixtape called Beast Mode. It includes a song called "Peacoat," which is about both high fashion and watersports, because hip-hop wordplay is alive and well! ...
Key And Peele's Parody Of Football Pregame Shows Is Pitch Perfect
Key and Peele are always good when they turn their attention toward sports, and this latest bit, in which they play bloated ex-NFL players who are now pundits, is no exception....
How To Give A Ball-Bursting Football Speech
Drew Magary's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Email Drew here....
Marco Reus Fined $670,000 For Driving Without A License
German paper Bild reports (paywall) that Borussia Dortmund star Marco Reus has been fined €540,000 after police discovered he had been driving without a license for the past three years. Apparently Reus received five speeding tickets during that time, but somehow police never figured out that he a...
Alex Rodriguez Peed On My Floor, Says Wife Of A-Rod's Cousin
We can't be much clearer than that headline. Carmen Sucart, wife of A-Rod's cousin Yuri, says a few years back, Rodriguez once came to the Sucarts' house (that A-Rod gave to them) and threatened them to keep their mouths shut about his performance-enhancing drug use. Then, he peed on the floor as a ...
Ryan Fitzpatrick Went A Little Nuts During His Pregame Pep Talk
Before beating the Buffalo Bills 23-17 yesterday, Houston Texans quarterback Ryan Fitzpatrick gathered his team let them know that he really, really wanted to beat his old squad. Here is a rough transcription of his speech:...
Goalkeeper Threatens To Sue Fans Who Peed In His Water Bottle
Alright, soccer hooligans. You guys win. The title of craziest fans is officially yours, because a few Swiss supporters apparently managed to commandeer an opposing goal keeper's water bottle, urinate in it, and then watch as he started drinking it....
Yasiel Puig Scores From Second On Fielder's Choice
Yasiel Puig scored from second on a potential around-the-horn double play last night with his ridiculous speed and an acrobatic slide into home plate. Hanley Ramirez hits a ball sharply to third and Luis Valbuena fires to second, as Puig bolts for third. As the ball makes its way around to first, ...
Tour De France Rider Executes Perfect On-The-Bike Pee Break
This is a thing that distance bike riders do all the time, but rarely are we lucky enough to catch the magic that is the mid-race piss on camera. ...
There's Nothing Awkward About A Bunch Of Athletes Showering Together
The always-enjoyable David Fleming has a story about communal showers in this week's ESPN The Magazine. It's nominally about the Michael Sam controversy, and asserts that no one cares if a gay man is looking at penises in the locker room—because everyone is looking at penises in the locker room....
How To Suck: A Special Message To The Graduating Class Of 2014
This is all about sucking, so I'll begin with me, in a parking lot, parked too close to the adjacent car. I open my car door and inadvertently hit the other dude's door. I pray that I haven't left a scratch, or a dent, or something substantial that would require insurance-card swapping and 10 minu...
Joyce Carol Oates Rages Against Death Of The First Amendment
Most people think that the case of Donald Sterling poses no free speech or First Amendment issues. Their argument is that Sterling has every right to order his mistresses not to be seen with black people and to privately talk about Los Angeles Clippers players as if they were livestock, and that the...
Bob Costas Abandons Broadcast Booth Mid-Inning To Pee
Bob Costas handed over play-by-play to MLB Network commentator John Smoltz in the bottom of the seventh inning tonight at Yankee Stadium, escaping the booth to hit the little boys' room....
Dumb Twitter Users Rage Against Death Of The First Amendment
Donald Sterling's tenure as owner of the Los Angeles Clippers wasn't the only thing that died today; so did the First Amendment. The much-loved guarantee of freedom of speech was 223 years old, and was killed by NBA commissioner Adam Silver, who cited broad powers in the league constitution as the b...
Here's Why You Should Be Excited About Billy Hamilton
Reds center fielder Billy Hamilton only played in 13 games with the big club after making his major-league debut in September last year, so you might not be very familiar with what kind of player he is. But Hamilton's a full-time starter this year, and last night he made a play that let us all know ...
Speech Competition Punctuated With Kid Blowing Chunks On Medal Stand
This happened at last week's Nebraska state speech championships, and we are so glad that it did. We don't know the identity of the kid fire-hosing the remnants of his turkey sandwich all over his hands and feet, but we do know that he is a hero. Because of him, we may now enjoy the world's first pe...
Is Time For Cat Falling Through Olympic Arena Ceiling
Lots of space has been spent on the (admittedly adorable) dogs of Sochi. But where is the cat coverage? Why are we not awwwing over the stray felines in and around the Olympics? Mostly because they're just fucking shit up....
How A Century-Old Skate Design Completely Changed Modern Speed Skating
Equipment can be a funny thing in sports, as we've seen with the ongoing Under Armor race suit debacle. But that's nothing compared to what happened in 1996, when the International Skating Union allowed skaters to begin using clap skates (or slap skates, depending on who you ask) in competitions. ...