penn-state Page 37 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Stanley Pringle: Jackin' It
You know, it's really annoying when athletes-masturbating-in-libraries stories break in the evening and we have to wait until morning to write about them. If we can't be your leader in library masturbation coverage, we're not sure what our point is....
Live Blogs You'll Gleefully Skip: Illinois-Penn State
We know, we know: Nobody cares about a stupid liveblog of a pointless Big Ten tournament first round game. We're fully aware. As we mentioned yesterday, it's just, like, practice or something....
Oh Gosh Todd, You Shouldn't Have Said That
Male cheerleaders have their place in life, we suppose. Who else can we mock mercilessly and string up by the heels from flagpoles? I mean, who else who can't fight back? We laugh at their spiffy routines and tight-fitting sweater-and-slacks combinations, occasionally one becomes President, and life...
Penn State Fans Aren't Particularly Sportsmanlike
Generally speaking, we enjoy a good harmless scrum among rival fans, but ... this would seem to cross the line considerably. How far past the line? A Michigan blog is appalled by this. And why wouldn't he be? Any normal human would be....
Penn State Will Sue Your Elementary School Back To The Stone Age
Hold on there, Conway Elementary School seventh-grade flag football team. Not another step. Your logo is infringing on the intellectual property rights of Penn State University, and must be removed from all t-shirts, school binders and backpacks. Here are a team of copyright lawyers to make sure you...
The Big Ten Network Needs All The Good PR It Can Get
We remember, back in March of this year, when we constantly railed against Major League Baseball's desire to put its Extra Innings package only on DirectTV, the masses rose up, and the uproar was so deafening that MLB couldn't help but notice, even way up there in their castle in the skies. (It floa...
JoePa Demands A Job Done Right
If we had our way, Joe Paterno would coach Penn State until the end of time. If the Lord ever decides, misguidedly, to take JoePa, we hope his ghost patrols the sidelines until all the players are wearing rocket packs. Because he's our type of guy....
JoePa Will Put Your Ass To Work
We love Joe Paterno. Whereas many coaches would discipline their players for a campus fight by suspending them or — more likely — not doing anything at all, the Penn State legend is forcing them to clean the inside of the stadium....
Everybody Should Have A Nittany Lion At Their Party
Looks like when it's offseason at Penn State, it's pretty tough for the beloved JoePa to keep a firm grip on the ears of his players. Because some Nittany Lions could be in some serious trouble after a weekend altercation....
Roll On, Eighteen Wheeler, Roll On
We're actually big fans of the huge semi trucks that college football teams use to transport all their equipment from game-to-game; when we went to the Rutgers-Illinois game this year, we actually waved to the guy driving the Illini truck. Illinois had lost 33-0, and he grouchily nodded back. At lea...
I Wish You Wouldn't Kill Anthony Morelli
Penn State quarterback Anthony Morelli has received death threats via e-mail, for infractions way less severe than going to the Barbaro message board and wishing out loud that the horse would die. No, some jack-ass Penn State fans want him dead because he's only thrown for 2,227 yards and 10 touchdo...
Pointing Out The Idiocy Of A New Rule
A truly outstanding find from The Wizard Of Odds: Apparently, during the Joe Paterno broken leg game between Penn State and Wisconsin — JoePa's return has been pretty amazing, by the way; the guy's coaching this week — Badgers coach Bret Bielema either discovered a loophole in the controversial new ...
Thinking Good Thoughts For JoePa
If you haven't seen the "highlight" yet, here's video of Joe Paterno's broken leg accident on Saturday. We are extremely fond of Paterno — we always find him lovable; we want him to read us a story or something — and hope he has a speedy recovery, or as speedy a recovery that a 79-year-old man can h...
I Don't Think This Is What Lil' Jon Had In Mind
Illinois, despite holding a second half lead, couldn't hold on to beat Penn State today, but if you're an Illini fan, take heart. At least it wasn't your fans in that video....
Joe Paterno's Slip Of Tongue (Ugh)
It's a nice time to know Penn State coach Joe Paterno ... unless you're a woman, says the National Organization of Women. The organization has taken issue with Paterno's comments about Florida State linebacker A.J. Nicholson, who was accused of rape in a Florida hotel room. Here's what JoePa said:...
Some 1 A.M. Bowl Goodness
We're never reminded more of just how old we're getting than when we watch college freshmen play sports. Penn State kicker Kevin Kelly, we swear, has to be lying on his birth certificate; there's no way he's older than 12. The poor kid finally erased the chances he'd be a Buckner-type goat by fina...