port Page 740 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
![Kentucky Star Nerlens Noel Leaves Game Against Florida After Suffering Knee Injury That Left Him Screaming In Pain [UPDATE]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/Image_Not_Found_1x_qjofp8.png)
Kentucky Star Nerlens Noel Leaves Game Against Florida After Suffering Knee Injury That Left Him Screaming In Pain [UPDATE]
This is tough to watch (and to listen to, since it might be the sound of a promising NBA career being tossed into the spinning wheel of injury fate). Midway through the second half of Kentucky's bout in Gainesville—one the Wildcats would lose by a 69-52 score—freshman phenom Nerlens Noel crashed ...

Joe Buck Calls A Hockey Game (Sort Of)
St. Louis's favorite son, Joe Buck, was on hand for Blues-Kings last night and the St. Louis booth of Darren Pang and John Kelly invited Joe inside for some lively banter and a surprise play-by-play turn. Buck admittedly has no idea who any of the Kings are—to be fair to Joe, neither does Los Angel...

The Seven Stages Of Phil Knight Not Knowing What The Hell He's Talking About
The NCAA and Louis Freeh have found spots on Phil Knight's ever-changing shit list. One group never on the list? The Paternos; Knight's feelings for the late Joe Paterno and his family have never wavered. Rather, he's just struggled with accepting those feelings depending on who happened to have re...

This Dog's Spirit Animal Is A Coked-Up <i>Boogie Nights</i> Character
"Too many things, too many things, too many things...I wanna go for a walk. Let's go for a walk...Oh, I don't want to do this any more. Honey, I can't. Let's just? Let's have fun now! Let's just go and go and go, because it's over. There's just too many things, too many things, too many things. Too...

Blake Griffin Switches Hands Mid-Dunk
This is reminiscent of (but not nearly as pretty as) Michael Jordan switching hands in Game 2 of the 1991 Finals against the Lakers. It's not as fluid and obvious as Jordan, but that same hesitation is there and, anyway, Griffin's game has never been about pretty. It's about power and this is what...

This Full-Court, Bouncing Shot From A High School Basketball Game Is Bananas
Lewis Palmer high school junior Anna Olson heaved this shot almost the entire length of the court in the final moments of the third quarter (though enough time remained to take the ball up court) against Cheyenne Mountain high school in Colorado. Or, she at least tried to heave it the entire lengt...

What The Paterno Family's Investigation Got Right And Wrong About The Freeh Report
The Paterno family's exhaustive evaluation of the Freeh report, prepared by the family's attorney and other experts who were paid to reach the conclusions the family wanted, is right about this much: The proof that Joe Paterno orchestrated or even participated in a malicious cover-up of Jerry Sandus...

Here's The Balls-Out Levon Helm Grammy Awards Memorial Tribute Performance Of "The Weight"
First things first: as rock critic Steven Hyden said immediately after this performance, it only proved further that nobody could sing a song quite like Levon Helm could sing a song. Regardless, pulling together some superstars for a rockin' performance of "The Weight," that song cool guys sing at...

Here Are Two Consecutive Sentences About Yankees President Randy Levine's Westminster-Bound Labrador, Mitch
Here's all the background you need: Randy Levine is the President of the New York Yankees and has a dog that will be competing in the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show. OK, ready?...

Let's Talk About The Secret To Gregg Williams's Success
We told you earlier in the week how Gregg Williams was simultaneously reinstated by the NFL and hired by the Tennessee Titans. But that's not entirely true, is it? It seems quite clear that the real Gregg Williams never did make it back from his backpacking expedition through the "remote villages o...

Clark Kellogg On Victor Oladipo And A Baby's Bottom: "Smooth And Sometimes Explosive"
Indiana, clutching to its No. 1 ranking for a few more days, bounced back from an upset loss to Illinois Thursday night and beat Ohio State today 81-68....

Felix Hernandez's Contract Extension May Fall Through Because Of An "Elbow Issue"
On Thursday it was reported that the Mariners and staff ace Felix Hernandez had agreed to seven-year, $175 million contract, the signing of which was a mere formality to be completed by spring training. Apparently the source speaking on condition of anonymity because the contract is not official has...

This Is The Line For Single-Game Marlins Tickets Minutes Before They Went On Sale
So, the Marlins are not exactly popular in Miami ever at the moment. Whether it is the $1.2 billion dollars Jeffrey And The Amazing Technicolor Stadium the county's on the hook for, the unwillingness to spend money on a major league roster or the appurtenant fire sales, the Marlins are really not p...

Soccer Player Who "Went For A Shit" Pretends To Wipe His Ass In Goal Celebration
Back on January 21 against Everton, Southampton midfielder Jason Puncheon left the pitch for a brief moment and returned to a chorus of "He went for a shit" chants. Everyone laughed and had a good time at his expense. Yesterday, Puncheon scored against Man City in the seventh minute and returned t...

Two Savannah State Students Recorded Themselves Sneaking Into The Super Bowl
If walking past dozens of police and security guards while sneaking into the Super Bowl is not brazen enough for you, these two guys decided to film themselves doing it, too. According to Savannah Morning News, what you see below is "footage of how they snuck into the stadium just in time for Beyo...

"This Is The Greatest Thing I've Ever Seen": An Actual, Live Condor Gets Loose At A Hockey Game
Man may think he has control over wild beasts, but that is only because the beasts allow it to be so. During the National Anthem of a Bakersfield Condors (ECHL) game a bird man attempted to bring a condor to a perch set up at center ice. Things quickly and hilariously unravelled....

Here Is The Paterno Family's Response To The Freeh Report
Joe Paterno’s family’s PR machine is up and running. The family of the late Penn State coach’s response to the Freeh report is now live online, and three of the four men who prepared the report—former Pennsylvania governor and ex-U.S. attorney general Dick Thornburgh, Paterno family attorney Wick So...

<i>Saturday Night Live</i>'s Cold Open Spoofed The Super Bowl Blackout
It's been a week since the Super Bowl, but Saturday Night Live is a weekly show, unfortunately airing the night before Super Bowl Sunday, so they just got around to pointing out the uselessness of studio shows. Keenan Thompson as James Brown guides the skit and has some fun when, at his wit's end, h...

Condoleezza Rice Beaned A Lady At The Pebble Beach Pro-Am
A day in the life of former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, who is competing in the Pebble Beach National Pro-Am:...

Five New Jersey Mayors Are Threatening To Withhold Police And Emergency Services From Next Year's Super Bowl
Many a lame observation has been made about the likelihood that next year's Super Bowl at MetLife Stadium will be ruined by bad weather like the stuff we've got now. It's silly. Rare is the storm that dumps a foot of snow on the New York metropolitan area, and rarer still is the football fan that wo...