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Mario Balotelli Does Lots Of Dumb Things, So Liverpool Want No Part Of Him
Liverpool have pretty obviously been trying to offload the mercurial and misfiring Mario Balotelli for months now. And while we haven’t yet seen the kind of public outbursts we’re used to when Balo has previously overstayed his welcome, the Independent has a rundown of previously unreported incident...
Here's José Mourinho's Bullshit Excuse For Why He Demoted His Team Doctor
Earlier this week, José Mourinho demoted Chelsea’s long-serving team doctor, days after he publicly showed her up during a game last weekend. He’s rightly come in for criticism for the decision, so now “sources close” to him have concocted an excuse for the change: the players didn’t feel comfortabl...
Learn How To Be An FC Cincinnati Fan With These Cringeworthy Videos
Cincinnatians: congratulations on your brand spanking new soccer team, the soon-to-be USL-dwelling FC Cincinnati! You probably have questions about your new club and how you can best prove that you are the biggest, loudest, most passionate FCC fan out there, being that the team is only a few hours o...
The SEC Isn't The Best Conference Anymore, But It's Still Fun As Hell
Welcome to our college football conference previews, in which we will tell you what you need to know about various conferences, with an emphasis on watchability. First up was the Pac-12. Now, the SEC....
Sean Price, RIP: In Praise Of The Brokest Rapper You Know
If Sean Price’s rap career had ended in 1996—if his only contribution to the genre was that year’s ingenious Nocturnal, the debut album from his duo Heltah Skeltah—he would still be worthy of the respect, admiration, and mourning that has poured forth since the announcement of his sudden death this ...
Mike Florio On Geno Smith: People Treat Me Like Shit, Don't Respect Me
Lousy New York Jets quarterback Geno Smith will miss 6 to 10 weeks with a broken jaw after an irate benchwarmer unleashed the fists of fury on him this morning. Reports say Smith put his finger in linebacker IK Enemkpali’s face during an argument, and caught a hook for it....
José Mourinho Demotes Team Doctor After Blowing Up Her Spot On Pitch
Eva Carneiro, the long-serving Chelsea first team doctor, has been a staple of the team’s matches over the years, rushing out onto the pitch as the first responder to any and all of their injuries. It’s very likely that one such attempt to treat a player on the field last weekend will be her last, h...
Remember When Steve Austin Hit Donald Trump With The Stone Cold Stunner?
With GOP frontrunner Donald Trump earning his way into daily headlines—often in the grossest way possible—it’s worth remembering The Donald’s long affiliation with professional wrestling. Trump played host to some early Wrestlemania events, and famously “bought” WWE Raw, only to sell it back the nex...
West Ham Fan Keeps Word, Gets Ass Tattoo To Commemorate Win Over Arsenal
Arsenal, this year’s sexy pick to Do Some Things in England’s Premier League this year, kicked off their campaign yesterday at home against West Ham. What follows is a story in two tweets:...
<i>True Detective </i>Season Two Lines, Ranked
19. “That’s one off the bucket list. Mexican standoff with actual Mexicans.”...
Soccer Player's Butt Healed By Magic Spray
“Become a soccer physio,” they said. “It’s an easy job,” they said. “You’ll never have to coat a player’s ass in cold spray in a stadium full of people,” they said....
Liverpool Beat Stoke Thanks To Lightning Strike From Coutinho
Philippe Coutinho’s rocket from outside the box proved to be the deciding goal in today’s 1-0 Liverpool win over Stoke, and is more likely than not to hold up as the Premiership’s golazo of the opening week....
Watch Sydney Seau's Tribute To Her Father At His Hall Of Fame Induction
Junior Seau told his daughter Sydney before his death that he wanted her to speak on his behalf if he ever made it into the Pro Football Hall of Fame. The Hall wasn’t having any of that, though they eventually relented and gave the 21-year-old a few minutes to talk about her dad. She notably doesn’t...
Jose Mourinho Is In Midseason Form As Chelsea Barely Survive Swansea
Chelsea opened their Premier League title defense today with a topsy turvy 2-2 draw against Swansea City. As you can see, Jose Mourinho ain’t too happy about it. Our staff of amateur lip readers concurs that he’s dropping a “Fuck off Michael!”—directed towards referee Michael Oliver—but you could ma...
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The First Goal Of The Premier League Season Is ... An Own Goal
Here it is, the day we’ve all been waiting for: the return of the EPL. Manchester United-Tottenham is our opener, and though Spurs started brightly, all their good work was undone thanks to a terrible pass by Nabil Bentaleb. It wasn’t the prettiest season-christening goal, but we’ll take it....
Extreme Humidity Is Turning My Home Into Gorgonzola
Jolie Kerr is a cleaning expert and advice columnist. She’ll be here every week helping to answer your filthiest questions. Are you dirty? Check the Squalor Archive for assistance. Are you still dirty? Email her....
The Best Of The Best: Our 2015-16 Premier League Preview, Pt. 3
You’ve made it to the third and final installment of our Premier League preview, and what lies below is a rundown of what we at Deadspin consider the six (6) least bad teams in all of England’s top flight. This thirdish of the league is important because this is where teams are fighting for all-impo...
The Uncomfortable Middle: Our 2015-16 Premier League Preview, Pt. 2
For the American sports fan, following soccer means a reorientation about what constitutes success. With the success of the top teams reinforced by Champions League appearances and an enhanced global profile, there is a virtuous cycle to being good that makes it even harder to break into the top. At...